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Sunbeam
March 15th, 2009, 08:15 PM
I decided to start this thread for people who want to learn to or continue to drink only occasionally. This is my choice, and I feel like I have my life back. I want help others others consider this choice when they decide they want to drink moderately. I did 2.5 months AF, then struggled with drinking multiple days per week for about 6 months before I hit on this option. Less alcohol means no cravings for me! I try to only drink for social reasons, sharing some wine with close friends or my husband. I'm not afraid of alcohol, as many AF people seem to be, and on most days I don't think about drinking. I don't think that drinking is all that great, it is just an option I want to keep available in my life.

Eskimo
March 15th, 2009, 09:07 PM
Hi Sunbeam,

This sounds like an option I would like to take on too. But only just starting out so I won't try it yet. Have a ways to go before I even consider this but I just wanted to say good on you for chooisng what feels right to you. I hope it works out. I might check back in here a few months and see what's happeing.

Good Luck!

seaviews58
March 15th, 2009, 09:40 PM
subeam question;

when you did your 2.5 AF months, how long was it before it became a bit easier? I find that I decide to try af after a bad bout; it's easy for 2 days, then tough, tougher and so far I always quit at day 5. So clearly I have to get by that day 5! And when I do my 1 or more month, I have to relearn how to 'have 1 or 2' then stop.

Sunbeam
March 16th, 2009, 05:47 AM
Wow, two posts on my new thread!
Eskimo, I really believe in that 30 day (minimum) AF thing, and I think the best support for that here is on the monthly abstinance thread, or the AF Army. The toolbox on the abstinance section has many good ideas from which you need to select and construct a plan.

Coolgamma, the mistake I made after my AF time was that I thought I could drink moderately, multiple days in a week. I did that, usually stayed withim my limits I think, but never honestly felt in control. The urge to drink was always there. I wasn't using Drink Tracker, so I really don't know now how often I drank. The big difference for me came with not trying to always stop, but mostly not starting. Once I only let myself have anything to drink at all no more than once a week, I felt in much better control. Stopping is still harder for me than not starting. I still sometimes have three drinks, though I would rather stop at 2. The key for me was, don't start so often. It took about a month for me to get this down solid, then I worked on having frequent AF weekends. That took another month.

Learning to drink moderately is always more difficult thatn just going and staying AF.

Sweaty Betty
March 16th, 2009, 05:55 AM
Hi Sunbeam.

I went completely over the top at my Brunch yesterday - lost count. A lesson learned the hard way! Am going to put in more AF time and see how I feel.

Bx

Sunbeam
March 16th, 2009, 06:20 AM
Betty,
I saw your Drink Tracker - it is a hopeful sign that you are still using this tool. It is easier to tackle a problem you can see. More AF time is a good strategy.

j-vo
March 16th, 2009, 03:38 PM
You know, Sunbeam, that I'm hopping on your wagon of the occasional vs. moderate drinking. I think there's a big distinction between the two. I know modding is considered a few glasses of whatever several days a week, and for me, that too would be considered a dangerous route. I think I have the "Sun Fever!" For us, it's safe to go most of the time AF, but when an opportunity arises, then it's ok to have a few. Never two days in a row, never "every weekend" mentality. Thanks Sun.

Sunbeam
March 16th, 2009, 05:49 PM
J-Vo,
I am so happy to have your company. Not that I don't still love the Mod Squad, because I do. But my path is different. Alcohol is not a regular thing in my life. I am so thrilled to be entering the gardening season without much alcohol in my life. A year ago, it was under control, but still present in my thoughts every day.

catnip
March 16th, 2009, 05:52 PM
Hey Sunbeam, that sounds just the way I want to go. How did you manage to change from moderating to occasionallying if you see what I mean??!!

Sunbeam
March 16th, 2009, 06:24 PM
Hi Catnip,
This really is the way to go. You can read my post under Tell Us Your Story, title My Own Path. To get where I am, I think first I limited my drinking to weekends (Fri/Sat), then just once per week, then worked on intermittent AF weekends. Once I got down to once per week, it was pretty easy. Cravings just went away for me. The first AF weekend I caved, but the second try I was successful, and it just got easier after that.

catnip
March 17th, 2009, 12:02 PM
Thanks, will read it! This is only day 2, have tried moderating before but it kept creeping back up so will try and hold out until Sat. Am ok all day until about 6 o'clock, then it starts! Especially now when the sun is shining and there is nothing nicer than a glass of wine in the evening sunshine!

davenc
March 21st, 2009, 07:44 PM
I like the word occasionally much better then moderation... Occassionally says to me I may I may not...Moderation says to me...when you drink be careful.....sounds silly....but anyway. Im good for usually 3 days and then i really want a drink....and since it was so beautiful today and its Sat night I had major urges from about 2-6pm....I Went to the park and walked and also ate something sweet....Im on Campral....May the campral healped me from actually acting on my urges..

Sunbeam
March 21st, 2009, 09:18 PM
Hi Dave,
Yes, I really agree that occasional drinking is a better plan, for me and perhaps you, than struggling to stay within those limits, but still drinking multiple days per week. I struggled to stay in control when I tried to do that. Now, I have my life back.

Pan
March 22nd, 2009, 01:07 AM
Sunbeam;573278 wrote: I really believe in that 30 day (minimum) AF thing, and I think the best support for that here is on the monthly abstinance thread, or the AF Army.
Sunbeam, I just wanted to point out that the Army thread is not AF. It is for anyone, AF, mod, whatever.

Pan
March 22nd, 2009, 01:09 AM
Good on you for starting this thread Sunny. I'm going on for 50 days AF and not sure which way I will go yet, but probably just like you are talking about.

Sunbeam
March 22nd, 2009, 05:57 AM
Panicked,
Thanks for the clarification of the AF Army. There was a big to-do, I think last summer, about someone who posted something about moderate drinking. So it used to be only AF. I don't read or post on it, so thanks for the update.

catnip
March 26th, 2009, 06:08 AM
Help! My friends birthday tomorrow - special occasion- we are going for a drink/meal at her house, if I refuse the apero (we are in France, big mistake!) offence will be taken, am dreading it, have managed very well with a lot of difficulty for two weeks, am so scared that if I have even one apero and one glass of wine with dinner I will find it even harder next week, but it is definitely a Special Occasion. Any tips???

DeeBee
March 26th, 2009, 08:21 AM
Hi Catnip,

What is "apero"?

If you are not comfortable telling your friend that you do not want to drink, what about using my favorite "I'm on antibiotics and alcohol will make me ill". Or one I used the other day (because it's true) is "I have begun a 6 week program to get back into shape and drinking is not allowed".

Which ever excuse you use, just make sure that you have a plan in place and have plenty of fun AF drinks at hand and if necessary take a couple of AF beers with.

Have a great time at the party tomorrow.

catnip
March 26th, 2009, 09:33 AM
Thanks DeeBee, apero is aperitive here!! Usually they make a disgusting mixture of "stuff" and they all think it is delicious but it's not! It's also very strong. Antibiotics is a good idea, thanks again.

DeeBee
March 26th, 2009, 09:45 AM
eewwww, apero sounds a bit like our Mampoer shooters -- deadly stuff.

Kid Shelleen
March 29th, 2009, 10:46 AM
In that case...

Pass me a glass!
http://www2.potsdam.edu/hansondj/images/ProhibitionTile.jpg
(Occasionally)

catnip
March 30th, 2009, 08:55 AM
Love that!!

bouchard01
April 5th, 2009, 07:12 PM
I like this ...

Kid Shelleen
April 8th, 2009, 07:44 AM
Here I am...

I'm going to head in this direction also, Sunbeam...
I know it's not documented that AL is actually addictive;
but I DO find that the more days in a row I drink,
the harder it is to stop!
This stage in my development finds my DrinkTracker prescheduled
to have a drink or two on Tuesday nights,
when Cat and I go dancing.
That gives me 6 days AF each week,
unless something special comes up.
We'll see how this goes!
~Kid~




Sunbeam;573091 wrote: I decided to start this thread for people who want to learn to or continue to drink only occasionally. This is my choice, and I feel like I have my life back. I want help others others consider this choice when they decide they want to drink moderately. I did 2.5 months AF, then struggled with drinking multiple days per week for about 6 months before I hit on this option. Less alcohol means no cravings for me! I try to only drink for social reasons, sharing some wine with close friends or my husband. I'm not afraid of alcohol, as many AF people seem to be, and on most days I don't think about drinking. I don't think that drinking is all that great, it is just an option I want to keep available in my life.

CHARLYGIRL
May 2nd, 2009, 02:32 AM
I want to be an occasional drinker only. I was AF for 13 days-then screwed up and had 3 drinks-felt really bad-ended up crying-I have been AF for 3 days now. Back on Track! I love this site and all the honesty that is shared.

mooderator
May 4th, 2009, 09:56 AM
Just to say I am 100% on board for this occasional drinking too. I have not actually thought to try modding as in a few on a few occasions each week. I am fairly sure it would not work for and might even mean I would drink more than I was before I started this process as I have only been a once a week (most weeks) drinker for a couple of years now anyway. I had almost reached the conclusion on my own that less often was the key for me before joining as I will always have a bitta trouble stopping. But it has been with the support of people on here and ideas shared like this one SUNBEAM that has made me finally reach decisions as to where I want to get and each step in getting there. I am sure arriving well.

I am just about to enter another eight week AF period to completely reinforce a life without AL as a regular pattern instead of the saturday night drinking thing and then only with forthought and on occasion will I drink.

Thanks for the thread and everyone who has commented. I have just sat and read it right through and it is excellent. Many good thoughts.
Moo

Sunbeam
May 4th, 2009, 07:25 PM
Moo and CharlyGirl,
It is great to see you both here.

ChraleyGirl, more AF time is always better, so it is good you are continuing to work on that. You have to learn to live your life without alcohol, in order to drink moderately, I believe.

Moo, here's my experience with Drink Tracker: If I plan much ahead that I am going to drink, then I sometimes seem to arrive at the date thinking, "now I can DRINK!" It works better for me to just kind of leave the thought out there. Of course, some occasions are events on the calendar, so then you know it is coming. But some occasions for me end up happening more spontaneously. Some weekends the possibility is on the table, but I may or may not. Planning to not drink is a definite, but I usually prefer leaving the drink question open ended.

j-vo
May 4th, 2009, 09:46 PM
That's an interesting thought to share Sunbeam.

Winefree
May 4th, 2009, 09:53 PM
Hi Sunbeam I too would like to think about that occasion as being ok, but I am too new to cutting Al out altogether to think that might be an option. I am also trying AA and they don't believe we can ever drink again, which is tough to handle, but then they say ODAT.

Good luck
winefree

mooderator
May 5th, 2009, 07:10 AM
SUNBEAM - Yes that is an interesting thought and I will say that it has already occurred to me and it is a bit like that. I think in a way it may contribute to the going over the top when i do drink issue (although that was the problem to start with so we wont blame drink tracker - lol).

Yes some dates are set in stone and for me (at the moment, it being early days) I am trying to only drink on those very set occasion, so I think it may be something I will have to live with for now. But I take on board what you say and I do agree. I think when I am more comfortable in my AF skin which is definitely coming, I will take this thinking and try it. I am in the process of my second eight weeks AF, then a four day holiday with my mate when I will drink. So if that goes ok, I think I will try this after that and stop pre filing out drink tracker.

Thank you for the thought, its this kind of thinking and chatting and batting of ideas that is making this work like a charm.

Have a great day to all my lovelies

Mooo

Sunbeam
May 6th, 2009, 12:36 PM
Winefree,
Someone here once stated that if you were a daily heavy drinker, it is likely that you will NOT be able to drink moderately. Too much damage may have already been done to your system. I don't know if that includes you. I was mostly a weekly heavier drinker, with a few drinks on weekdays.

scrubbly
May 6th, 2009, 04:18 PM
Sun, did you mean that someone who was a daily heavy drinker CAN'T moderate, they find they have to be totally AF? That is more like what I have heard other people on these boards say....

I'm so new to all this, going AF for a long period of time sounds so overwhelming, but thinking I can moderate/occasional right out of the chute scares me too. I guess ODAT is about the only spot I can be today!

Thanks for sharing your insights! Between you and Moo I'm getting good information for a newbie!

gyco
May 6th, 2009, 06:03 PM
innteresting thread,i guess what it comes down to , whatever works for ya,ive tried all of them,drinking of course modding and total abstinance,no matter which you pick,youll always have the thought of drink,even when sober,constant battle,in the mind,i do wish you all well gyco

Sunbeam
May 6th, 2009, 06:17 PM
Scrubby,
Thanks, I have edited my post now. I left out that very important word NOT. My apologies, I definitely don't want to encourage anyone who should not be trying this.