View Full Version : Ch-ch-ch-changes (Blame)

April 30th, 2009, 12:02 AM

"I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on."
Oscar Levant

The changes thread is running late. Have been busy with a project this week.

What changes since modding or going AF have you made when it comes to blaming others?

It used to be so easy to blame my dad and my bad childhood with him as a father to allow myself to feel justified to be a maudlin drunk.

Now that I've grown up and don't use blame as an excuse for drinking I guess I've changed as to why I drink. The more I come here the more I question and think about that, exactly why do I drink? Drinking to drown my sorrows is no longer a reason for me.

Stress makes me want to but I am talking myself out of that as a valid reason now too.

I'm finding that I want to have a drink or two with a nice dinner or if I'm going out to a special occasion, wedding, party, etc. but am also starting to want to get away from the drinking on Friday or Saturday if we're just staying home. Now the "It's the week-end excuse" is starting to change as well.

Slowly...but surely.
Hugs, :l

April 30th, 2009, 05:42 PM
Ya know, I'm not sure I ever blamed anything for my drinking. Mostly I was in denial about drinking too much. Then I really hated drinking because I knew I was drinking way more than I wanted, losing my life to alcohol. Now I have my life back - probably I've mentioned that before.

May 1st, 2009, 04:47 AM
Perhaps not the exact message of the thread here, but I for me the challenging of the reasons why we drink has what this whole process has turned out to be about for me.

I knew before I started here that the main issue I had was exactly what you mention last Eve, the "Friday feeling" or "its the weekend, I deserve a drink", that being the catalyst and then not always knowing when to stop having started.

I challenged this straight away and I am so pleased that I did. For me doing an 8 week stint AF meant I had 8 weekends to learn to enjoy myself without AL. This has helped enormously and this is going really well as a result.

I cant comment on the issue of blame as I never sought to blame anyone or anything when I had too much AL and felt like poo on a Sunday (exept myself, and I dont think that was the point?). I got the impression you meant more external forces).

Anyway, for me the resonant point in your thread was the need to keep challenging ourselves as to why we drink and when we finally get to a place where we only want to drink on those occasions or whatever feels right to us and we get our quantities right for us, then we have it about right. A more "normal" way to drink. For my part anyway, that is what I set out to achieve ( I never felt I needed to stop altogether, but it would probably have been another story if I had carried on as I was for another ten years first. From what I have read and leanrt here, the problem if left unaddressed seems to compound and get worse over time).

I for one feel very much on the right road, thanks to this site, you guys (especially you two above) and lots of this kind of analysis.

Love you all Moox

May 1st, 2009, 04:52 AM
Hi Eve. That's really great to hear. For me, I'm finding more and more, it's mostly about my thinking.

May 1st, 2009, 04:54 AM
Oh, and i always hold myself accountable. I don't blame anyone for my predicaments.

May 1st, 2009, 08:02 AM
I think a lot of us go through the "blame" stage. I know I have, and at times I have to stop myself and take responsibility for myself and my actions. Sure, it's easy to place blame on parents and what didn't go right as we grew up, what things were missing, the "gene" theory...

It's a hard task getting away from those kinds of thoughts. This is where our healing begins. Letting all of that blame go, forgiveness for others actions towards us, and taking responsibility for ourselves by doing what we're here to do. Learn how to live a better life for ourselves. No one can do it for us. We can only do it for ourselves. Peace to you!

Delta Moon
May 1st, 2009, 09:11 AM
Blame- so much of it when you don't take responsibility for your own addiction. I blamed my dad for years for my depenecy on alcohol. He was an alcoholic and drug abuser and it was easy to fall into the same pattern that he had. Bad role model-bad outcome. But now I am "owning" my addiction and
moving on with no more blame. Very freeing when you can move on from that.
I am still learning so much and with MWO and God I am a new person now.