Venting shut your ears lol.

[Flossie]

Dear All,

Just musing about AL and I and our battle together, I have just turned a year AF
and life is good without it but it is a struggle uphill and not down, I see it everywhere
and unfortunately my lovely partner didn`t join me but drinks to excess every night of
the year so it is like groundhog day and always will be.
I think what I am questioning is do you think we mature with age over AL or will it be
a danger forever, I don`t seem to see a lot of shall I say the more older amongst us for
an answer and I hope that this is because we do mature but is it because like my Mom
in her older years wouldn`t know how to turn a computer on let alone post on a forum
so we don`t know if they are suffering still and can`t access such wonderful places like
this for help and advice.
In my heart I hope that AL and my desire for it goes away as I age, I have moved mountains to to be able to drink over the past 14 odd years, I have hidden it, stashed
it chugged it you name it but will I sit there as an older person with a hidden plastic bottle of vodka in my cardigan still chugging away plotting and planning to get more.
Are we all just having a life crisis with AL and just wish like me that this on going battle will go away as we age and grow more responsible, I am so sorry for the vent guys but
I don`t want to feel like this feeling of desire is going to last my whole life !!
:upset:

[Unwasted]

Venting shut your ears lol.

Flossie, I think we all have these thoughts. I'm holding onto the idea that it keeps getting easier. I've read posts by those who have been sober for multiple years, and I don't think they obsess about it like we do now. Maybe it will take 2-3 years? Not sure since we're all different. I'm only 80 days but am much better than a month ago..........So, I'm thinking it gets better and that eventually we don't obsess or give it much space in our heads. Fingers crossed.

[Supercrew]

Venting shut your ears lol.

Congrats on 1 year Flossie! To be honest, for me it was all about maturity. I acted like I was 17 years old for 27 years. Alcohol made me act and feel like I was 17 when I drank it. I really feel I have matured 27 years mentally and emotionally since I quit. This maturity made me reevaluate what alcohol was to me and why I don't ever want it again.

For someone else it might be different, but for me, my drinking problems were all about maturity and personal growth.

[Flossie]

Venting shut your ears lol.

Thankyou so much for your words of wisdom, my fingers are very much crossed too that this AL thing is just a little or big blip in my case for all of us :thanks:

Much love Flossie x

[Nelz]

Venting shut your ears lol.

Vent away, that is why we are all here.........I totally get where you are coming from. Ive read posts of people with fewer days than me, saying how they dont even think about AL. That makes me end up saying......whats wrong with me.

Then I realize we all learn, mature, and grow at very different rates. I can say with some certainty, that the urges are fewer, and farther between, but gone, not just yet.

You are doing very well, if you have made it a year. Id say just keep on keepin on, and who knows, maybe when we are both sitting at multiple years, we "will" forget about AL.


I just dont imagine that day will truly ever come, there is just too many things that remind us of drinking

[GingerDust]

Venting shut your ears lol.

I'm sorry to hear that you are having a hard time right now, Flossie. I'm sure it will get better though.

I also have one of those minds that will endlessly obsess about AL. I have decided to go on antabuse because people here who are taking it say that you stop thinking about drinking when you know you cannot do it. One guy said that sometimes he gets ticked off that he is on antabuse, but then he gets over it fast because there's nothing he can do about it at the moment. I think it might be an advantage for me to be free of the thinking about drinking.

But, really, I think you are doing great. You've accomplished some amazing things over the last year! Ups and downs come and go. You're still rockin'.

[caysea]

Venting shut your ears lol.

Hi All
Floss at the 1 year point I still didn't have the confidence that al was out of my life. I had an al lifestyle for over 40 years. I realized that 1 year wasn't much compared to 40 years of drinking. Just as you became a different person at the 6 month point compared to the start and now a different person at the 1 year point it will continue.
I am comming up on my 4th year of being sober I can say al is not a thought as in the aspect of having a drink. I don't miss it at all. It is in the aspect of something that I just don't like or do as in smoking. Not a smoker not a drinker. I am aware though that both are habits that are bad for my health. An awarness nothing more. It is with time that I have gotten to this place. I would say after the 2 year is when it really became a non issue.
Some might ask why am I still at MWO. I can thank this place and people I have meet here for my recovery. One way I feel I can pay back what I have received is by maybe helping someone else that is going through what I did. Just letting them know it does get easier and for some of us it isn't a thought any more. Something I questioned as you are. I would never have thought it would be possible. It is!!

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[Unwasted]

Venting shut your ears lol.

Caysea, thank you for posting. You probably remember how a post like this would have boosted your morale early on in the process. Tremendous help........I feel I can hang on when I read things like what you've written. :lilheart:

[GingerDust]

Venting shut your ears lol.

That is the second time in a couple days that I've heard someone mention two years as the point where obsessive thoughts fade.

[Flossie]

Venting shut your ears lol.

Hi again,

I suppose its just one of those days happening to me, I could shed a thousand tears
reading all your lovely kind words that you have written and yes it does give me
hope so my vent was worth it and I feel a lot better.

You guys are amazing for being so kind and thoughtful.
Caysea 4 years is wonderful you rock !!
much love Flossie xx

[Doggygirl]

Venting shut your ears lol.

Hi Flossie! First off, congratulations on your one year AF!! :yougo::yougo: That is such a special landmark - at least it was for me. I hope it is for you too. I am sorry you are living day to day with a heavy drinker. That must be a challenge.

I read in my textbooks that for "normal" drinkers, it is a normal thing for people to maybe "party" a lot in college, but then back off on the drinking naturally as life moves on and the focus shifts from the "party" to career and family. As an addict, that shift never happened for me. My drinking progressively got worse in terms of consequences and physical toll until I no longer wanted to live. I was in my late 40's when I reached that point. I was 50 when I took my last drink.

So for me anyway, so long as I kept drinking, the passage of time didn't help my addiction at all. It just wasn't something I was going to ever "outgrow" naturally.

I will be 4 years AF in May. I love celebrating along with Caysea every year! These days it doesn't occur to me to drink. I haven't even had a "maybe if I were on vacation...." type of fantasy thought in a long long time. But it took quite a while to reach that point. And I wasn't there after 1 year.

It was at about the 9 month AF mark when I got really tired of feeling constant fear of relapse. It's hard to describe. I wasn't "in a panic" or anything, but there was this low level feeling that was with me much of the time that somehow, I would one day drink and not be able to stop myself from doing it. (I had a very hard relapse after 60 days AF the first time, which left me not being able to climb back on the wagon for over 8 months - 8 months more of hard drinking insanity!).

Anyway...it was then that I became willing to do something I swore I would NEVER do. I went to my first AA meeting. For me, engaging in face to face support and working on new ways to live my life and deal with my problems has been an important key for me to move on from the "stinkin' thinkin'" that just didn't go away by itself because I put down the drink.

I'm not saying that is what anyone else should do. I share this story in case you or anyone reading might be prompted to re-evaluate your toolbox on the off chance you discover a new and valuable tool that might make a new difference in your sober life.

Good luck!

DG