Most of us talk about other people from time to time. We are presented with magazines detailing all the bits and pieces of celebrities' lives. The newspapers are full of stories, and we are naturally curious to find out the "inside scoop". In our daily lives, we are often drawn to listen to others when they pass on gossip - and then we pass that on to others, too.
I've been in trouble before by talking about others when I shouldn't; because I've accidentally said something I shouldn't. I've never done this to intentionally hurt or slander someone. But it does happen.
This week, I saw my kinesiologist/therapist. She showed me very clearly that it is really important to maintain integrity and honesty with others. I told her that I feel drawn to gossip very often - and then feel awful about it afterwards - but still do it anyway. I likened it to eating crappy fast food, in that it tastes good at the time but leaves me with an icky feeling.
She gave me a really good piece of advice; that I shouldn't ever say anything about anyone that I wouldn't say if they were right there in the room with me. That doesn't mean that I can't be angry with someone, or disappointed; but I need to imagine what I would say if they were there; and I will automatically modify my language.
I've found this to be really powerful; and it works IMMEDIATELY! The proof is that I bumped into a friend of mine, who started to tell me the update on an ongoing situation between two mutual friends. I actually didn't tell her about my new plan; I just didn't join in. She actually got a bit awkward and embarrassed, and changed the subject. It was really amazing.
I have also decided that it would be quite appropriate for me to say sometimes: "I'm sorry, but I've noticed that when I talk about other people when they're not here, I feel awful afterwards."
The great thing is about this is that I can then always look people straight in the eye. And I will gain a reputation of being someone that others can trust.
I know that people are happy to gossip with me, but then think of me as being untrustworthy afterwards. So the easiest thing is now is for me to just take that whole thing out of the equation.
Obviously there are practical implications here. For example, if I am a manager, and an employee is coming to me to talk about another, I must listen to their concerns. But I can still imagine that the other person is there in the room when I speak.
What I have now noticed is that most of the people around me are gossips - but then, I have to say, that is probably because I've responded positively to them in the past. I've always passed this off as me being "interested in people" - but now I see that this doesn't serve me or others, because it means I am not seeing them as themselves, only what others have told me.
This may be nothing new to most people here. From what I've seen, everyone in this site is very caring of others. This is just my lesson at the moment; and I thought it might be worth mentioning. And I just wanted to affirm that this is my lesson for this week; and I'VE LEARNT IT!!
Much love
Gem x
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