Another Monday of atonement -- hopefully the last.

[Glamourwitch]

Hi. I'm new here. I've been trying MM for a while and it hasn't been working. Every Monday I gear myself up for victory over binge drinking and fail miserably every Friday at around 5 pm. My weekend then becomes a blur of recovery via many hairs of the dog that bit me. The nightcap on Sunday is followed by a vow to really stop this week. Monday is like going to confession in my journal where I attempt to atone for my sins and drum up new slogans for recovery that are usually forgotten by the end of the week. I feel like a mouse in a wheel and it's destroying my life. Alchohol is the one thing that is holding me back in so many ways but I just can't seem to stop it's destruction. I need to stop needing to feel that mechanical click in my head at the end of the week. I've been binge drinking for about 18 years now and I'm so "sick and tired of being sick and tired" but just can't seem to save myself from myself. I'm a warrior on Monday and dog food by Friday. If I could just erase Friday, Saturday and Sunday from the week I'd be fine. I stumbled upon this site this morning and I have a new hope. I ordered the book and should receive it on Thursday. What I've read so far makes sense and I hope the program will work for me. I know there is so much more to life than this. I have a 4 year old son and he deserves better. I have a husband who is a binger as well and that isn't helping, but I can't put the blame on him. I am responsible for myself. While I never get fall down drunk and incoherent (and don't let my son see me drink to excess) I will drink a bottle of wine (occassionally two) a night on the weekends and this has caused me to gain a lot of weight which is a whole other related story of misery -- not to mention feeling tired all the time and irritable a lot and experiencing days of debilitating depression. I have a history of child abuse and I think that I drink to subconsciously numb it out. I feel like if I can subtract the binge drinking from the equation maybe I'll clear out space in my mind for a real epiphany on how to deal with my problems in a healthy way. That's my story. I feel relief in finally telling it with truthful awareness to someone other than my beaten down journal. :thanks:

[Bella]

Another Monday of atonement -- hopefully the last.

Glamourwitch I like your name! Welcome to MWO. You have come to the right place and I think alot of people here will relate to you story. Thankyou for sharing it. I know what you mean about being sick and tired of being sick and tired. God, until quite recently I would call monday 'black monday' as it was just a day of depression. Things can change for you if you really want them to. There are so many wonderful people here who can and will support you along your way. So read all the posts and stay a while. Love, Bella xxx

[lushy]

Another Monday of atonement -- hopefully the last.

Welcome Glamour. I relate to much of your story. This is a great program and a great site full of wonderful people to help you on your journey. Wishing you the best! :welcome:

[ducky]

Another Monday of atonement -- hopefully the last.

I love the name!

This is a great place and I think you will find lots of help. I too know about the sick and tired of being sick and tired. Felt a bit like that this morning. It does get old.

Keep reading and posting and good luck.

[Glamourwitch]

Another Monday of atonement -- hopefully the last.

"Black Monday" is exactly right! Thank you all for your support. I was so nervous about posting but now feel comforted that there are others like me all trying to find their way at this very moment. I look forward to reading the other posts and stories and do plan on staying a while. Thanks again.

[cassy]

Another Monday of atonement -- hopefully the last.

Hi Glamourwitch..good luck on your journey into change...maybe you feel like joining others on the 30 days AF to kickstart??If thats too daunting (as it is for me right now) best to plan VERY carefully the weekend evenings. lots of people on here will give you hints but i found that i had to completely change the routine for my "drinking nights"!


good luck and keep reading and posting....The journey of change began when you decided enough is enough!!!

regards Cassy

[hart]

Another Monday of atonement -- hopefully the last.

I too like your name. I had gone over 30 days AF then blew it on my birthday and have only had 3 days AF since. So I'm starting AF day 1 today! We'll support each other. My husband is doing the same thing.....:welcome:

[Glamourwitch]

Another Monday of atonement -- hopefully the last.

What does AF mean? Aside from being new to this site, I am new to posting in general. I'm seriously wet behind the ears but am trying to learn quickly.

[Glamourwitch]

Another Monday of atonement -- hopefully the last.

Thank you.

[sujul]

Another Monday of atonement -- hopefully the last.

:welcome: Glamourwitch! Yep, lots of people here dealing with the very same problem and at this very moment! There is lots of support here--read as much as you can and keep posting...you'll soon catch on!

AF=alcohol free--some folks here are "moderating" as per RJ's program and others of us (myself included) know absolutely that we cannot moderate and that being alcohol free is the path for us....

Good for you for looking for a your way out!

[Glamourwitch]

Another Monday of atonement -- hopefully the last.

Thanks Sujul. I also read what you wrote to Change and am very inspired. You seem to have a spiritual bend as do I. :thanks:

[Guest]

Another Monday of atonement -- hopefully the last.

Hi Glamourwitch and a warm welcome,
Seems you know what you want to change in your life, and I always think that such knowledge is half of the battle.

Really think we all have to appreciate that alcohol can neither remedy anything, nor can it erase any hurts in our past. Think you would find comfort in some therapy, or even talking through some issues in your life with a compassionate family member or close friend. It`s the easiest thing in the world to turn to the booze to try to numb our emotions..........have done it and now realize it`s cold comfort.

I wish you much luck,

Starlight Impress

[CAPRICORN1]

Another Monday of atonement -- hopefully the last.

hi glamourwitch. i like your name too! i am new too and very much can relate to your story...i stopped writing in my journal because it became boring not only day after day, but week after week. there were soooo many day one plans! and yes 4-5 p.m (sometimes noon) became the "withcing hour" for me too

i find that this mwo is the first glimmer of hope i've had in years...tried EVERYTHING else. so, please read the book, and get the supplemments, etc

glad you are here!

[tea]

Another Monday of atonement -- hopefully the last.

Hi Glam, welcome. Really glad you got the courage to post. Yes I relate to lots on your post, had a wee grin at the Monday warrier, I used to call it the Monday Mantra, every single Monday I was never going to waste a weekend again...... As others say, and it is true, we have to change our patterns, 5pm Friday was what I longed for all week, not that I didn't drink during the week but Friday was special drinking night as don't work weekends, got so fed up of wasting every single weekend hungover or drunk. Now I 'try' to plan something for Friday night such as meeting my Mum for a meal, oh I am ranting on, this was supposed to be a quick hello and welcome - lol. Look forward to hearing more from you, you will gets lots of help and support here, it is the best place ever.

L

[Glamourwitch]

Another Monday of atonement -- hopefully the last.

Thanks tea. I'm happy to know I've got a kindred spirit out there. I look forward to hearing more from you as well.