Im only back because solitare sent me a message and it made me realize how bad I was before & now I am back to that same place. Lost one of the most prestigious jobs in my field because of my drinking (never give a thief the keys to the vault!). Got a better job with less responsibility, more money, and they dont give a fuck what shape I show up in as long as I make massive numbers. So its usually 3 martini's for breakfast, anti-seizure medicine to make sure I dont shake too much and then about a liter of vodka for dinner. Don't know what happened, just lost control. Can't afford/dont wanna go back to rehab, kinda just want a good nights sleep at this point! I hate just posting that things are bad, it just sucks when I sit on my couch after work and tears roll out my eyes and I dont know why. I am sorry for just lurking the past few months...Kinda been stuck in my own head. 