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[hart]

Anyone who needs help ASAP post here please, not spammers.

[Booze Blues]

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I posted this on someone elses thread but I really could use some support. Thanks. I like most of you, are here because of an infidelity. I don?t remember what was done or not done but the horror of what might have possibly occurred, has led me here. I am a very heavy drinker and while out with friends got very drunk to the point where I don?t remember anything. My friends and I were angry with our spouses but I love my husband. I don?t know how I could jeopordize my only piece of heaven on this earth by doing something so dumb! I left the bar with a man that I just met even though I didn?t want to. I feel down on the way home. The man gave me his number and that?s how I know because I called to ask what happened. I didn?t get a straight answer, he barely spoke english. I can?t remember what he looked like. I don?t think we had sex but he said we kissed and there was some fondling. I have been married for almost 13 years. I am in love with my husband. I have never cheated in my life and was actually afraid of this man. My friend encouraged me to go with him because he lived near me and I needed help walking. Everyone said I didn?t do anything when I was with the others and i gather there wasn?t much time between when I left my friend and when my husband said I came home but i am devestated even if it were only a kiss but touching too! How can I live with this guilt? How can I bring him into this and hurt him so, it would be so selfish. I am wracked with guilt. I hate myself and can?t find a way to stop thinking about it. I love my family and can not imagine drinking like this again. Full of self loathing! Please help! Thank you all for sharing.

[available]

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Welcome Booze

I have done lots of stupid things drunk, too many to post in the time i have. Of course the easy answer is to stop drinking. The hard part is stopping. You have posted on here and yes you are guilty but you have done what you have done and cannot take back the past but you can make a wonderful future for your husband and family. I personally would not tell him until you have sober days up and even then think seriously of the consequences. Make it a mission not to do what you did again and that is by not drinking. You cannot imagine drinking like that again but you will, your brain will forget and you will drink after time. You need to get al out of the house and start reading and posting on here daily. Look after yourself the first couple of weeks by eating when you have a craving and drinking lots of fluids, sleep when you are tired and stay on here.

I would feel disappointed in your friends for letting you go with this man and putting you in danger when you were as drunk as you were. In time you will forgive yourself and i hope this episode is what it takes for you to get al out of your life.

Keep posting on the newbies nest daily and read the posts of others. we are here for a reason, we are alcoholics and we can never drink again.

take care

[Booze Blues]

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Thank you! Still feeling gross, disgusting, ashamed, anxious! I can?t believe what I have done. I am a little sad about my friends but I am not their responsibility. I also hate this man who could do this to someone when they couldn?t even walk! But most of all I blame myself for being so glutoness and not having the ability to stop. I really am so full of self loathing. I won?t tell my husband not because he won?t forgive me, he might but because how would it help? It would only inflict pain on him. He is wonderful and doesn?t deseve this. He is completely loving and caring. How could I do this to him, to our child? I deserve this suffering and more, he deserves a wife he can be proud of. Feeling sick. Thanks for listening!

[available]

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The days will get better Booze with no drinking, the memories will fade with the shame and guilt but always remember why you have gotten to your rock bottom and why you are here which will give you strength and determination. We can blame everyone for our mistakes but at the end of the day it is up to us to face the consequences and to make life better without al. My life was going gradually downhill, i didnt have a rock bottom as such but i was distancing myself from my family, everyday started and ended the same. the blackouts, the anxiety, the shame, the guilt, my health all were suffering greatly but only i could start my life being af and it was hard in the beginning but i can now say it is bloody great. Dealing with life sober is an emotional rollercoaster sometimes but now i know i will never drink again, i cant as i cant have ONE drink. I could have 100 drinks but i can never have 1. Keep posting on the newbies nest and keep reading on here. This is my AA where i have made some wonderful friends and mwo keeps me accountable daily for not drinking.

Alcoholics cannot stop drinking when we start that is why we should never start!

[Booze Blues]

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Thanks!

[mama bear]

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I agree with Available! Get some sober time and seriously think this through. I, myself, would not tell, but the guilt would sure help to curb the drinking.
And what kind of friends would let you leave with a stranger if you can barely walk?????

[Booze Blues]

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Thanks Mama! I've told pt and I think it's enough. I'm sober going on 6 days and still feel horrible but a bit better. I blame myself for the drinking and vow I will never put myself in that situation again! As for the rest I ithink I must adopt an attitude that, yes I was victimized and that was not something I truely chose. I wasn't even aware, my friends being drunk told me to go w the man because he said he lived near me. I couldn't walk, i was afraid of him and the rest I don't remember. Thanks all. Will speak more Monday. Will look on while I can but don't want my family to see. Thanks for your help!

[little beagle]

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Staying close to MWO, reading and posting will help you feel better. Being around like minded people determined to not drink will help you. Just think, you never have to feel like this again.

[Booze Blues]

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Thank you Little Beagle! Feeling a bit better today thanks to all of you and my amazing husband! Hope your all well!

[briseus]

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Hey Booze Blues,
I just read this thread and I hope that you are feeling a bit better and still holding onto your sober time. It wasn't right that your friends let you go somewhere with this complete stranger while you were beyond inebriated, what happened was out of your hands. We do stupid shit when we are drunk - and the things we do...well, it's not us...we are not fully conscious at that point...I would personally be infuriated with my friends, I know you are not their responsibility but as a friend should they not care about your safety?? What if this man were totally psycho?! > Grrrr. That makes me mad.

I agree with everyone else that telling your husband would do no good...it would hurt him and for what reason? You didn't do this intentionally and you can't change what happened...especially something that you don't remember doing.
The best thing you can do for yourself is keep at it - keep up the sober time and make a better life for you and your family. And ditch those friends.
Just my two cents...I was just perusing the ASAP threads and came across this and felt compelled to write. I do hope you are doing well, it's been a few days since you last posted...
Thank God you are safe though - that nothing worse had happened and that you have this chance to get sober and happy.

Take care.

Bri.

[Booze Blues]

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Dear Bri,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I?m doing much better but still suffer from anxiety and sleepless nights as well as nightmares of being raped. I am disgusted with myself and have slipped up having a couple of glasses of wine with meals at the end of a 10 day visit. I haven?t been drunk or out of control and never will allow that to happen again. I don?t know what to do with myself and my nerves. I have been diagnosed with Post Tramatic Stress Disorder and am trying to excercise and do yoga for the nerves. I am still so ashamed. Right now I am 2 days completely Alcohol Free and before 3 wks. so back to day 2. Today I will not drink. Thanks again.:h

[Orimus]

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Since you say you'been diagnosed with PTSD I'm guessing you're seeing someone for this. Glad to hear it and that you're back keeping up to the good fight with AL. I know there are groups for survivors, you are a survivor not a victim, and hope you find one so you can talk about what happened. I do think in the end you'll find a little peace in telling your husband as this affects how you are and yes I'm sure he is a bit confused at the change in you. We speak more by our body language than any words can ever express.

Have to admit I still have to look up the original thread so don't know the specifics or if you reported it. Hope you did. Someone else can be in danger. As I said you are not a victim but a strong survivor and no one deserves that.

Be well and have a wonderful weekend.