Life on life's terms...

[briseus]

Hello everyone!

Just felt like writing a little quick (maybe!) post here before work starts. I was just curious if you believed that little saying 'living life on life's terms'...for me, I feel like we should live life on our own terms...I guess I just heard it in AA a lot...and not entirely sure what it means.
I know that we are no longer living life on alcohol's terms...but I don't want to give that power over (now that I am sober) to something else that I don't even understand! So would prefer to live life on my own terms...obviously, healthy terms.

I was wondering how all of you do with juggling life - day to day things...maybe that is what that quote means...that we need to learn how to live day to day 'normal' life, if you will.
I haven't posted here in a little bit...but it's because I have been busy - between work, school, doctors appointments, counselling appointments, tests, cooking and cleaning, the gym (just recently joined!) and what feels like a million different other things...but there isn't a day that doesn't go by where I am not aware of my sobriety and do little things to implement healthy behaviors that keep me on my road to recovery. I think a lot of the things I am doing even unconsciously keep me there as well.

I guess I just feel like we shouldn't put a lot of pressure on ourselves...what works for one may not work for another. I heard from a person when I was going to AA that in order to stay sober I *have* to help another alcoholic. Or....I *have* to get a sponsor. Then there are others that are saying that I *have* to journal or *have* to do this or that. I just feel like people shouldn't be pushing things on others...

I guess for me, if someone were to ask me that is....work your own path, your own route...no journey is ever 'wrong'. It's not. We are all individuals. 'distinct, indivisible entities'...there is no one size fits all in life! That (in my opinion) just doesn't work!
So I guess I just wanted to say to those out there that are struggling and feeling overwhelmed by all the advice out there, that if it's working for you - let it work for you and don't let others tell you any different. Just make sure that you are enforcing healthy behaviors for yourself.

Bri.

[j-vo]

Life on life's terms...

Great post Bri!

Yes, I agree that each person has to find his/her own path to sobriety. I tried AA and many other ways to stay sober. What I will say is that "on my own" never worked. Staying sober to me has to have some important tools in place. Whatever those tools are for one person will be different for another.

Although everyone has their own tools, I believe strongly in a connection with a sober community. The power of this connection is so important in staying on your recovery path. Getting support and giving support to others has been the key factor in my sobriety. I wouldn't want to do it alone. Talking about ourselves with others brings us to so many realizations about ourselves and life. I've learned so much from participating on this site, and the wealth of information that others give is invaluable. That's why so many people find journaling or blogging (and getting feedback) the biggest help in their sobriety.

So, yes, our toolboxes are all different. But the one common thing in all of our boxes is that need for community and support.

[NoSugar]

Life on life's terms...

The only thing we have to do, Bri, is not drink. How you manage that is up to you but I have found that given the core similarities among us, it is reasonable to do what successful people ahead of you are doing. Over time, you'll naturally find what works best for you. Someone might then relate to you, model her behavior on what you are doing, and on and on it goes...

My advice to people who are struggling is to not try to reinvent the sober wheel - your quit will evolve over time into your own way out.

Have a great day!

[Alky]

Life on life's terms...

briseus;1686180 wrote: I was just curious if you believed that little saying 'living life on life's terms'...for me, I feel like we should live life on our own terms...I guess I just heard it in AA a lot...and not entirely sure what it means.
It sounds as if you've already figured out what it means. It means just going with it, whether it's good, bad or ugly.

briseus wrote: I guess I just feel like we shouldn't put a lot of pressure on ourselves...what works for one may not work for another. I heard from a person when I was going to AA that in order to stay sober I *have* to help another alcoholic. Or....I *have* to get a sponsor. Then there are others that are saying that I *have* to journal or *have* to do this or that. I just feel like people shouldn't be pushing things on others?

What you have described is a big no-no. No one in AA should "tell" you to do anything. This was actually the topic of a meeting I went to a few weeks ago. There was a time I shared your ambivalence about AA, but the very nature of the organization all but guarantees a very diverse and "colorful" cross section of people. You're going to have the insufferable polemics and the people with serious mental disorders, etc. As someone said at a meeting a few days ago, "I love AA. I might not love all the people in AA, but I love AA." The same idea is quite applicable here at MWO as well.

Glad to hear you are doing well.

[briseus]

Life on life's terms...

I definitely agree about a sense of community - a sober community. I have that in my family and close friends, I also have that here, with all of you! For me, personally, AA didn't work...but that doesn't mean that it didn't work for other people, 100%. So I definitely don't believe that one should isolate during their sober journey.
Some even do fine with just seeing a counselor, while others prefer the AA community, or RR...whatever it may be. I think that you just need to definitely be aware of that path that you are on, and not fall back on old patters and behaviors - which of course, is easy to do.
I know one person that has been over 5 years sober by just seeing a counselor, while another person has now been 50+ years sober with the help of AA and their tight-knit community.
Support is definitely key when quitting drinking and staying quit.

And you're right NoSugar - it will evolve into your own way out. I went through a lot the past (almost) six months...and I do see how I far I have come as a person and someone that so badly struggled with alcoholism. It keeps changing, I just have to keep my eyes on the prize, and as you said, and so many others have too, to just not drink.

Thanks for your input guys!

[Darkest Diamond]

Life on life's terms...

Hello Briseus

Going through utter hell at the moment.
Mice in floorboards above my bed!!
Every night for one week I have got up and gone into my living room in the middle of the night as I can't bare to hear the mice running around in the ceiling above my head!!! This is driving me crazy . I am not going to be popular with my neighbours, I am going to get the pest control people out and that will involve them taking up their floorboards .xx

[daisy45]

Life on life's terms...

DD, I had that about 4 years ago....it went on for a couple of months....above my living room. Must have been in between floors.there were none in my house so I just left it and the noise eventually stopped. I did worry about electrics but thankfully nothing.....hope you get it sorted.
Bri, coming here is what I have.....I don't speak about it to anyone really apart from my children. (Mainly because most people I know are also drinking too much and don't believe they do, so it would be detrimental to my sobriety)

[briseus]

Life on life's terms...

And I think Daisy that if it works for you it works for you. I come here too, and have a select few people that know about my alcoholism. Plus my counsellors.
I hope you're doing well.

Sorry DD that you're going through difficulties. I have never gone through that but from time to time there are a band of elephants - I mean, children - stomping above my head!!! When I was drinking I would throw things at the ceiling...now...I don't do that so much. LOL.