New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

cutting and pasting from the journey thread - sorry but can't type it all out again


Just got home from going to the house of my friend with whom I have worked for 17 years. Her husband died suddenly this evening. I am absolutely shattered. This was such a shock for EVERYONE. he was fine five hours ago. he is the same age as my husband. It really helps to put things in perspective. Life is very short. you never know how long you have left. I still am reeling from the fact that he is gone. My friends husband is gone............. They have been married for 34 years - 4 more years than my hubs and I.

I feel quite sick and am going to bed.....

Love Sun XXX

[Kradle123]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I am So Sorry

Oh SunShine:

THat is just Beyond Horrible, completely unimaginable.
I am sending you strength, prayers and many hugs.
:l:l:l:l:l

[Wildflowers]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Dear Sunny,

I'm so sorry for the sudden loss of your dear friends husband & for all who knew & loved him!....Your right, life is short & precious!... We never know when it's our time. I think it may be even harder when it comes as a shock, but it's always, always painful!... With time, may his life be remembered in celebration!... Sending you love, prayers & strength!

God Bless, :h
Wildflowers :l

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all

I have too much work so I'll catch up later so I just wanted to give a big shout out to miss Sunny. This may sound a bit crazy but I know you are a bit special and you may have known that he died before he did, which would explain the draining feeling.

Anyway, nevermind all that speculation. Ruby did tell us about your raggedy hotwater bottle, so I wouldve recommended it then I remembered its not freezing and raining there! Oh, and I fought that fight for years but my trusted one burst on my legs (ouch) and the new one kept making bubbles which kept burning my hands as I filled it. The microwave one smelled like popcorn. And our house really is like a little holiday cabin! And there are 4 holes in the roof!

I'm so sorry Sunny. I'm actually going to wait a bit before I give you ideas. In fact, you already know the Rhodiola will help. And you know all the other stuff helps.

Perhaps it is time for a good old AF stint? You did seem truly happy when you read the Alan Carr book last time. Anyway, you grieve with your friend first, we'll help you find something. And just because your doctor was an idiot re the Celexa doesn't mean the Lexapro can't help you. It is its sister drug and almost identical and you are taking a low dosage.

Let me SHUT UP now.

All I meant to say was:

:l :l :l :l :l :l

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Sun, I am so sorry for you and of course your friend. This loss is always such a shock.:l:l:l

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thanks everyone - have just got up and am going to get dressed and go over and give my friend a hug.......

love Sun Xx

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun, so sorry, what a shock, yes, it brings our mortality home to us, doesn't seem like a good time to post about anything right now, guess we all need to take a few minutes of silence to think about life.

Houtx, so nice to see you and talk later to all.

xoxxo
play

[LibraryGirl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

sunny, we bought a screen door that is half solid, half glass and it has a pet door built in.

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sunshinedaisies -
So very sorry for the loss of your dear friend. Much love from here ~
XXXOOO

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just got in from work - I was a total waste of space there today - the only good thing I was there for was the fact that I had keys and numbers! Other than that I was hopeless. thank you all for your concern..... I think the thing is that it strikes so close to home - plus it was so unexpected. He did a 17 mile bike ride earlier in the day...... he was 2 years younger than my hubs...... my friend called me at work this evening to talk - and wailed "Sun, I am a widow.....". It breaks me in two to see her pain....... and know there is nothing I can do for her. Except be there. Everyone kept hugging me and that would start me off again. I know that time is the only thing that will help but I also worry about how she will manage money wise too... stuff I have no control over. I am doing a clopen so have to be back there first thing in the morning so need to be up at 5.00.

Thank you all again - Love and hugs to you,

love, sun XX

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I overslept..... once in the past five years!! Got to rush - love and hugs,

love, Sun XXX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thinking of you Sun:l:l:lx

[mimi911]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

:hug:sun, sending hugs to you.

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all

Sorry I’ve been quiet. Have been under a lot of stress. Starting a new job that I came in at the last minute with hardly any instructions, trying to farm my last project out to a friend but although she’s capable she just DOESNT GET IT and its putting strain on our friendship, still patching things out with boyfriend but thats going well, mom’s bad and in bed, dad’s going for his ‘undo of colon bag operation’ on Monday.

So the last two days while trying to scramble to get the visa stuff together I was trying to think back to 2004, to the first time I did this. I was only 24 then, I was already kind of ‘broken’ in a way that I finished my formal education and hated my 9-5 job and wanted to escape it all. I knew I was depressed, was already on Prozac, had the odd wine, but thinking back I wasn’t yet an alcoholic then.

So how I envy that little girl. Even though she split up with her long term boyfriend of two years and decided two quit her job and go to explore the big bad world. Even though I remember she spent about 3 weeks lying awake, heart pounding thinking WTF am I DOING? Isn’t it human nature to just want to just go back and do it all over again?

She had more savings than I had now but she didn’t had a boyfriend to help her out. Most of all she didn’t have this addiction lying over her head. And I know most people on this site will have my head and say you are BORN an alcoholic Diz, but I tend to disagree. A few of my close friends actually told me I went to London not being on and I came back being one.

I think it may be because in nature its because I’m a home body and I don’t trust people easily. I didn’t have a disastrous childhood but I was sexually molested when I was 3 and I blocked it from my memory until I was 19. It was just after my first love died in a motorcycle accident. We weren’t together all the time and its a long story but shortly after that I smoked a joint and I remembered the molestation and I freaked out.

All of a sudden all of the sleepless nights. All of the shyness and the not trusting other children. All of the unease and rather reading a hundred books in a year when I was only 10 when other kids were out riding bikes and being adventurous made sense.

Sorry, I’m being maudlin, but it wasn’t long after that that I started exploring with weed. And when I got tired of being too lazy from the weed I started taking a bit of slimming pills with it to help me lose the ‘puppy fat’ to make me feel good.

Under that all of course my dad has epilepsy and my mom has late onset bipolar so maybe I was always meant to have what I have but neither of my siblings struggle with self medication or alcoholism.

As a teenager I drank but it was contained to weekends and it felt fantastic. Finally I could climb out of my shell and I could speak to guys and feel loved. To be honest I felt this ‘black shroud’ over me probably for as long as I could remember but I probably just either felt it was normal or I thought I should hide it well enough.

And I did hide it quite well in primary and high school. My parents, especially my mom took great care of me.

I excelled, although I was always a tad lazy it wasn’t difficult for me back then to be third in class or so. We lived in a very small town though and my dad was the Dutch Reformed Minister. For those of you foreign to South African or Afrikaans culture, you probably don’t understand but its pretty much close to being mayor in a small town.

But he was a mean man, or at least he was a mean man when I was growing up and he always brought me a sense of shame.

So I’ve always associated God choosing him as his disciple and I always remember being a 10-year-old in church when my dad decided to preach on how God chooses which people goes to heaven even before they are born. And as my dad did not give me unconditional love, and as I was a sad little girl, and even though I prayed and prayed, I ended up believing that God did not choose me.

So I’m really sorry for releasing this all here, I think I should copy and paste this and paste this as ‘my story’ at some other time. It needs a lot more flesh and details. But I’m just not ready for all the other comments from other people yet.

I think I’m just overly tired.

I ‘ve read all you’ve said and I’m thinking of what you’ve said especially Sun. You are such a sweetheart. Big hugs to you.

Tonight I really wish we could ALL take hands and say the serenity prayer. Not because I believe in a Christian god and not because I believe in AA but would it not be SO FUCKING EASY if we could just believe in this.



Obviously, please, I have my own God and I think he has and awesome sense of humour and he doesnt care if I mix my dairy and meat or do whatever. My God is universal, so if you want to replace the word God with Universe or Nature, please feel free. (according to me, the very feeble and dizzy bee)

:h

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Dear Dizz,
How I wish I could just put my arms around you and ease your hurt, your post took alot of courage, but here you are, among your dear friends who love you, who you would be surprised to find so many who have endured similar things, perhaps those things have a part in why we do develop our addictions, and no I don't believe for one second that we are born alcoholics, no, we become alcoholics, we develop the habit and at some point changes take place in our brains that cross the line and make it so difficult to come back from, you are strong and courageous, we are strong and courageous, thank you for speaking for so many of us.

I really like that prayer as well, it is very powerful and means the very same thing no matter what name you call your god, so I think we can all join hands and recite it tonight with love in our hearts and even try to extend that forgiveness to our parents who did the best that they knew how to do, this is not to excuse their behavior but to enlarge the love and forgiveness in our own hearts which is part of our way out.

Dizz, I'm thinking of you tonight and I know we all are, I was really touched by your post, thank you for sharing yourself with us.

love, play