Feeling down and would like a drink

[Changed1]

Hi all,

I want a drink and I don't. I messed up big over the weekend. No, I didn't end up in jail, but I managed to "forget" a dentist appointment completely and just drank round the clock. I feel horrible. I started Friday night and then called my BF drunk and he HATES my drinking. I am afraid I might have pushed it too far this time. He told me he'd give me one more chance on Wednesday and I drank Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It's 8:40 a.m. and I feel like going to the store for just a bit more, but I have to meet my GF at noon and should not. Still, it hurts to know I compromise someone whose love I value so much for a bottle of wine (or several). I could not breath on Friday night (asthma and I smoke cigarettes) so the one thing that always helps is red wine. I told him this but I am sure he thinks it is just another excuse. At any rate, I've called him several times and he won't pick up.

So, today I finish what I have of the cigarettes and then I am done. There is no way I can drink without a cigarette, so if I quit smoking this should solve the drinking problem. Anyway, I've made some phone calls this a.m. but I cannot reach anyone to talk to, so I am here. Anyone out there who can "talk" to me? I don't do chat as my computer doesn't do it, so I post in the forum. Thanks.

[DeeBee]

Feeling down and would like a drink

I'm here if you wanna chat Changed!

Big breath.
Take today one hour at a time.

You've done the right thing by coming here and asking for help instead of pouring a drink.

[Changed1]

Feeling down and would like a drink

DeeBee;700777 wrote: I'm here if you wanna chat Changed!

Big breath.
Take today one hour at a time.

You've done the right thing by coming here and asking for help instead of pouring a drink.

Thanks, DeeBee. If it were not for the fact that I have to meet my friend at noon, I think I'd go for a drink. But then that would screw things up even more if my BF were to call me, as he can tell if I've had even one glass of wine. So I just have to sit here with these feelings of guilt and sadness and NOT drink but it's really tough. The house got very messy and I don't even want to clean it, yet I know I must at some point. When I start drinking then my doggies act out and start pooping on the carpet and then I just sigh and walk by it. This drinking really affects me and I get very depressed. :upset:

Oh, and then my friend drank all weekend too, so I am not even sure about lunch today and now I'm concerned about her and if she is ok. I called her and she didn't answer. This drinking can seem oh so fun at the time but the consequences suck.

[DeeBee]

Feeling down and would like a drink

Feelings of guilt and sadness are inevitable but very self-destructive. Is there any way you can get out of the house for a bit -- maybe take the dogs for a short walk or nip off to the shops for a pamper kit of bubble bath, candles, green tea and lemons?
Then later when you get home, sober, you could call your BF again.

[Changed1]

Feeling down and would like a drink

DeeBee;700783 wrote: Feelings of guilt and sadness are inevitable but very self-destructive. Is there any way you can get out of the house for a bit -- maybe take the dogs for a short walk or nip off to the shops for a pamper kit of bubble bath, candles, green tea and lemons?
Then later when you get home, sober, you could call your BF again.

I don't look fit to leave the house and it's too much effort to put on proper clothes. I just want to cry but it's hard. I can't call him again as I've already explained things and he is working and I don't want to bother him. He'll either stick with me or he won't. But to him it looks like just another "episode" and he's getting sick of me. He gave me a special ring last week that was supposed to keep me from drinking and I already drank! I don't blame him for not believing that I really want all this madness to stop, but I really do! Oh, and just took a shower (first one in days!) The way I live is just NOT acceptable.

[Changed1]

Feeling down and would like a drink

And I'm on edge and a glass of wine would make it ok (for a bit). I drank six glasses Friday night, 2.5 bottles Saturday, 2 yesterday and had to taking a sleeping pill just to STOP the drinking and go to bed at 6 p.m.. I don't worry about overdosing, as I just took one. This is the only way I was able to not go to the store for more.

[DeeBee]

Feeling down and would like a drink

How do you plan to make sure you don't drink again today?
Do you have Kudzu, L-Glut or anything else to help with the cravings?

[Changed1]

Feeling down and would like a drink

DeeBee;700789 wrote: How do you plan to make sure you don't drink again today?
Do you have Kudzu, L-Glut or anything else to help with the cravings?

I have Campral but I haven't been taking it so I don't know that taking it will help, but I'll take it. Yes, the craving is there. Normally I have to ride these episodes out. I just have to not go to the store and buy more. I wish I could go to sleep but I slept on and off for 13 hours last night so taking more sleeping pills isn't an option.

I just called my girlfriend again and no answer, so now I am worried about her. Gosh, normally I taper down, so IOW I'd have one today and then none tomorrow. I will try to fight the urge to go buy one bottle and just see if I can get through today somehow. I am forcing myself to pick up around here and I'll just wait for the phone to ring and stay AF until it does (or maybe it won't ring at all and I still have to just get through the day and deal with the urges.)

[Changed1]

Feeling down and would like a drink

Thanks DeeBee for talking to me. Heck, I'll just type this and talk to me too. I HATE having these addictions to deal with. Somehow it didn't seem like a bad idea to drink on Friday night. And I HATE having to stay AF because someone else doesn't want me drinking, even though I don't want me drinking. There is this feeling that I have to stay on top of everything because the phone might ring and it might be him and then I'll be in trouble (again!) I am not used to having to be accountable to anyone but myself re: the drinking yet at the same time I'm not willing to lose a whole human being over a bottle of wine. So this makes me feel trapped and when I feel trapped I want to drink even more. I had told him I wanted 90 days for me but then he came over two weeks into the 90 days so we got back together but I am not in the mental space to be accountable to anyone but me yet I hate having this limitation! If I sound a bit crazy this a.m., it's because I want a drink and this damn coffee and cigarette just are NOT cutting it. Sorry for rambling but it helps to get this out.

[~iirene~]

Feeling down and would like a drink

Changed1 you have to eat well.
Substitute good food for drink.
How about anti-depressants? have you tried them?
your all messed up from drinking.
been there, i know what your going through.
Go to the hospital for a few days and detox. ?
This pattern you have will not go away without professional help.
Get stabilized, you may be able to still have wine again.
your entire mental and physical state of being needs to be RE-SET.
i am sorry to hear you are suffering this way.
please seek help, so you can feel better.

[DeeBee]

Feeling down and would like a drink

You are right. You have to do this for yourself and not anyone else.

[Changed1]

Feeling down and would like a drink

~iirene~;700818 wrote: Changed1 you have to eat well.
Substitute good food for drink.
How about anti-depressants? have you tried them?
your all messed up from drinking.
been there, i know what your going through.
Go to the hospital for a few days and detox. ?
This pattern you have will not go away without professional help.
Get stabilized, you may be able to still have wine again.
your entire mental and physical state of being needs to be RE-SET.
i am sorry to hear you are suffering this way.
please seek help, so you can feel better.

Thanks, iirene. Yes, I am all messed up from the alcohol. Detox is out of the question, as I've been there once and don't want it in my medical record, plus I've self detoxed a thousand times. I've been through TWO rehabs this year and continue to drink. I cannot afford to keep throwing thousands of dollars at my addictions. I've been through seven in my life and am done with rehabs. I take four psychotropic drugs and see a shrink. I had a therapist for two years and that didn't help. I go to Women for Sobriety and I've met some great women, but this is one hard demon to fight, as you well know. I still don't know if I should just show up at lunch as I've heard nothing from my friend and she's been drinking for days on end, so I'm genuinely concerned for her physical health. I might have slight withdrawals right now, but I am concerned she might really need detox and I don't know where she is. Oh what a mess drinking leads to. I just wish I could cry but I can't quite get it out. Oh well, big breaths. I will take a couple more aspirin and go pick up the doggy do do and let the day see what happens. Then I'll make an English muffin and get some food in me. Then I'll go to where we are to have lunch and hope she shows. I asked her to let me know with a quick call that she is ok and no word. :upset:

[Changed1]

Feeling down and would like a drink

DeeBee;700823 wrote: You are right. You have to do this for yourself and not anyone else.

Yes, I agree DeeBee. It just hurts to hurt others and let others down in the process.

Well, my friend is ok and, in spite of being on a two week run, we are meeting for lunch. Today we are getting together to come up with a plan for not drinking. We are going to write our own program. Our goal is to start groups once we haven't had a drink for many days and help other women (once we've helped ourself She is a lovely person and I'm so happy she is ok.

Thanks DeeBee and iirene for talking to me and getting me through the morning without a drink.

[TakeHeart]

Feeling down and would like a drink

Changed1...I can SOooo relate!

How are you today?

I told myself I wasn't going to drink, but am having a glass of this really sweet stuff that I don't even like the taste of! So, thankfully I think I can only tolerate one (why even one, right???).

Thoughts are with you. And tomorrow I will have a totally AF day! Want to join me?

[~iirene~]

Feeling down and would like a drink

oh dear, i had to seperate from my girl-friend.
we got into wayyyyy 2 much trouble together.
she went on to rehab as well as me. i used to worry
about her and buy 'her' wine. if i only knew i was enabling.
she never ate food or settled down after a day together.
man, we had fun, we thought we did.
looking back, we were a lethal combination.
i'll always love her, yet the past is the past now.

to hell with feeling down, that can be changed.

drugs, booze and the wrong people make us sick.