Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"???

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Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"???

Re: Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"

Becca, funnily enough, I also used my experience with my MIL to get closer to my Mum. I realise that, although my Mum wasn't perfect and she had a really hard time of it when we were young (4 girls and a divorce) she really survived.

When I hear someone else,.ok talking about MIL again, being so self righteous, when she, herself, was a drugs/alcohol counsellor and has always smelt of wine and drinks over 5 litres a week (not including the wine she asks us to buy!) ..She doesn't drive and we are not on a bus route. We are used to the calls on our mobile phones saying "if your in a bottle shop I wouldn't mind a blah blah blah oh, and by the way, get one for yourselves" Anyway, giving us lectures on "what we put into our bodies" well, that well worn phrase does come to mind "pulleeeeeeze".

Forgot to mention that my husband is a bit of a puppet on a string to the Fruitbat. We have had many many arguments over the situation. I have been very respectful to her up until the past few months and now it has come to a head and we have decided to move - away from her hopefully. If she follows .............................................>:

I don't know, I don't need a thread, I need a website!

PS Becca, don't feel embarrassed at getting close with your MIL, I have too, on many occasions and have felt, okay maybe we can be friends, only for her to say something or do something to make me realise that, no, we cannot. Don't feel embarrassed at being human and trying to be friendly! There are some people who just can't accept it! (Or have way too many conditions)

PPS Becca, as long as you and your man know you are ok that is all that matters. Don't waste any more energy having to prove yourselves to your MIL!!! I did that for years, feeling as though as if I had to report back but now I feel that I have finally taken over my own life and don't have to report to anybody - as you shouldn't have to!!!

I don't know if you believe in Angels but in my desperation I discovered them! (No, I am not turning Fruitbat!):rollin

[Guest]

Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"???

Re: Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"

Just as an aside, Rebecca. What advice is this on how to be a great, supportive mum-in-law? I have taken this on board for my future, one day, daughter in law. Not just drinking, but everything!

[Guest]

Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"???

Re: Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"

Rebecca, Got 2 x 4's? Oh just use the Barbie Doll and see how that works first!:rollin Hang in there Sweetie! Hugs, Judie

[Guest]

Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"???

Re: Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"

Becca....I didn't read all the replies. They probably addressed this already but OF COURSE you would be ANNOYED with HER congratulations that you're drinking like a "normal" person. It is a self rightous congratulations thereby no congratulations at all.

Maggie

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Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"???

Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"

Hi Becca,

Thanks for sharing this situation. I have teenage sons, and have made a mental note, not to be a MIL, like yours. Anyway, you can let your hubbie know, without getting his feelings hurt, that WHAT HAPPENS IN THE MARRIAGE, SHOULD STAY IN THE MARRIAGE?

Best of luck,
Miss Layla

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Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"???

Re: Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"

Becca,
I have read your very witty posts for the past month and can't imagine that you would ever be at a loss for words.Next time she annoys you ( and some of those comments were annoying) think of a clever line and ZAP her with it.
Janet

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Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"???

Re: Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"

Ha!
Thank you Janet!!
I do hold my tongue when it comes to her, because I KNOW I will be causing just more and more friction. I tell you, he and his mom are soooooooo close (yes, wonderful, yippee), so anything I say will NOT be received by him with an open mind. He will try, I know. He is a caring man. He is impulsive as well! And his snap knee jerk reaction is to defend his mom. Came from years of having to defend her against the a-holes she was married to. Her boys were all she had. So I'm screwed.

I have gotten in a few little jabs. It's not a friggin war here, and I'm not really TRYING to do tit for tat or anything (ok, I'm lying...but I'm working on it and trying to be as responsible and mature about this as possible, really).
She knows.
Sigh.
Bec

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Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"???

Re: Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"

Becca, Maybe the two of you should see the counselor a few more times. His attachment to his mother, while understandable, is really a little over the top! Remember the wedding vows? If I recall correctly, he's supposed to "cleave to you" not to her! >:

Love, Kathy

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Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"???

Re: Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Good thought, as usual, Kathy. But I really don't want to go back yet. The only time he and I had to go was when things were SOOOO bad and the big "D"word was being thrown around like crazy and it was just so painful. So I'm being a big whuss I guess.
I take your suggestion to heart, and will just see how it goes. For now, my plan is to play nice, keep a comfortable distance (as to not allow myself to get so close and get stabbed again), keep the drinking in check (so NO ONE has reasons for "I told you so's"), confide in MY mom (she loves me no matter what!), and buy a king sized bed so the umbilical cord fits in between us a little better.

A HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!:rollin :lol :rollin
I'm killin myself this morning!!! Whoo! Gonna be a good day! Guys, I gotta laugh at this stuff a bit. I cried too much.
Thanks for the lovin,
Becca

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Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"???

Re: Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"

And you do what you think is best, Becca! We're here for you, either way! You know your marriage better than I do!

Hugs, Kathy

[Guest]

Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"???

Re: Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"

:rollin You crack me up Becca! I might have to borrow that one someday!

[Guest]

Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"???

Re: Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"

Hi Rebecca,

Look at this whole situation, as painful as it was to have to go through, as one of lifes learning experiences. You have learned a lot.
Hold your head high and be proud of who you are.

All the best...always
Cathy

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Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"???

Re: Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"

Yes its me--I know this whole thing really ticks you off. The real truth I think is that nobody understands this alcohol thing unless you have been there. And if you haven't been there you do not know the right thing to say. I think her intentions were good--I mean she chose to say something instead of nothing. I think maybe she was trying to reach out to you to bring your relationship with her back to a positive one. She started out complimenting you on your hard work--and ended up saying a few things that people say when they don't understand this thing. There is so much misinformation out there. First people do not understand why someone would repeatedly drink too much to begin with--but if they do AA is the thing they need--and don't ever let another drop of alcohol pass their lips again. I think she was sincere in her intention--that is all that really matters--she cares about you and is proud of you.

My mom has said a few of those things as well. She wanted me to put a picture of my boys in my wallet and pull it out every time I wanted a drink. Boy, if that was a cure for drinking-none of us would be here. I was upset--but tried to understand-that she doesn't understand and her intention was all that mattered.

Just remember her intention was to reach out to you. Nevermind that she does not understand--and never will. And if you think what she said was stupid--think of all the the stupid things people say at funerals when they want to say something nice and comforting--all they say is "Is she looks really good"--I always want to strangle that person as those words come out of their mouth and see if they look better dead.

Love ya--hope this helps. And I hit the all delete on my phone after "a night"--you know what I am talking about--but that is why I have not called.

Kim

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Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"???

Re: Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"

You are right, Kim, and that's what I've chalked it up to.
GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU!! I was thinking to email you...
I'll call you this week so we can catch up.
Thanks,
love,
Bec

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Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"???

Re: Why do I get so annoyed with "congratulations"

I had to put my 2cents in;

When my mother passed away 1988, she was only 46, and during the wake so many of her friends(nurses, patients and doctors), made the same comment. Only to say that she looked older dead than she did when she was alive...I worked real hard through the wake, after the first day, I wanted to request a closed casket, but my sister(oldest, youngest wasn't there) said it wouldn't be respectful of everybody that loved her to not see her face one last time)..


Brandy