My husband betrayed my confidence

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My husband betrayed my confidence

Re: Please hang in there - change your name if you must

Hey Allie, I'm so sorry to hear this. I say change your name too. You can always Ez us & let us know...God that sucks.

I don't mind if my Hubby reads my posts ...in fact sometimes I hope he does...(like when I feel like taking a 2 x 4 to his head!) But there's times when it's probably not a good idea. ( the 2 x 4, or him reading..!:rollin .)
Thinking of you.... Hugs, Judie


Oh Hey Patty, how are you doing today? Hope things are going better today.

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My husband betrayed my confidence

Re: Please hang in there - change your name if you must

Oh Allie,
I agree, get a new signon and ezmail people the new name. That sucks that you've found a group to help support you and your husband has to interfere with that. I feel terrible for you.

Hang in there!

Marcie

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My husband betrayed my confidence

Re: Please hang in there - change your name if you must

I agree - get a new sign on and tell that husband of yours that reading your private mail is just plain rude and bad behavior!
wellseasoned

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My husband betrayed my confidence

Re: Please hang in there - change your name if you must

ALLIE!!!!
Oh, geez!
While I was lamenting in my own crap yesterday... I didn't even see your post.
I'm so sorry. I know how much this site has meant to you and how much it has has helped you. I don't know about changing your screen name. Bet he would find out soon enough. I know he loves you and only wants things to be better with the drinking. My hubby too. We know this. My hubby could be reading my posts too, but I don't mind, cuz I'm such a blabbermouth that I pretty much tell him everything anyhow!
Hey, gotta be honest. But I know there is stuff I would rather just share with you all. There are issues that I feel HE contribues to that haveled me to feel like my wine is a more comfortable feeling than feeling hurt and neglected. (FYI, those of you who don't know, my hubby had an "emotional affair" back when I started this program too...)
Please call me when you get a chance. Can't lose you on this board!!!!
Rebecca

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My husband betrayed my confidence

Re: Please hang in there - change your name if you must

Boy Allie,

There isn't anything that I can say that hasn't already been said by someone else, here, but boy. Whew! I hope you'll stay with us and find some way to work through this in time. I can't even begin to imagine how you feel.....my heart is with you. Take care, sweetie.

Hugs,
Kathy

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My husband betrayed my confidence

Re: Please hang in there - change your name if you must

Hi Allie.
Just read the news.
It sounds to me that your husband may have more issues with you than just your drinking. If the drinking problem was all there was, he would naturally be more encourging than his jab would indicate. As you described it - "But the minute I have a bad day (or night), he says...'Hows that MWO thing workin for ya?'" That's just nasty.
I know when my husband is upset with me, he will take a stab every once in a while until I finally ask him why he's so p*ssed off. Sometimes he tells me, sometimes he doesn't. I know I often turned to alcohol because I was feeling shut out and lonely. What I am trying to do now is discuss things with him with "love in my heart" - as Wellseasoned said above. (Excellent post, by the way).
I am calmer now that I have toned down my alcohol intake by about 3/4 and it's easier for me to remain so. Also, I'm lucky in that he is happy for me that I found this program and backs me all the way. When I do screw up, he says nothing. He knows I do enough self abuse for two.
You might have to face some painful or uncomfortable issues with your husband. Maybe not all at once. I know my husband and I took years to get nasty and will likely take years to undo it.
You could ask him why he is sabatoging your support system, ie: invading your privacy on the boards. Ask him why he makes nasty comments when you clearly need a hug more than anything.
Sounds like your fella has a problem and might need YOUR help too, Allie. I hope you two can work through it together.
All the best.

Helen

And I would love to know your new posting name.

[Guest]

My husband betrayed my confidence

My husband betrayed my confidence

Dear Patty and Allie,

I am sorry I couldn't even send a hug on Friday Patty as my client walked in 20 minutes early.

Patty, I hope you are feeling better today. That communication thing is a biggie. Do have the conversation with him. Repeating what the person said in your own words if you feel confused as to what they are saying is another way to get the ball rolling and making sure you are both understanding each other. Wishing you luck.

Allie, please change your screen name - go to the library or cyber cafe to change it- if he can trace it through the history. We are all here for you.

We are all proud of you two!

Hugs to you both,
Mary

PS: After 2 funerals this weekend - may I say, life is short - live it in a loving way when possible - if not possible - find the way because being pissed off takes way to much of the good life force energy from you.

[Guest]

My husband betrayed my confidence

Dear Patty and Allie,

I AM old enough to be your mother. 63. Not that that makes me wiser but I have seen a lot and have been married to my second husband (my only real husband) for over 35 years. The first jerk didn't drink at all but was a belittling bum who had no idea of how to be in a family. I didn't drink back then either. When I left, I had to totally support myself and my son at age 25 with no, zero, zilch, child support from him and he dropped my son like a hot potato so you can imagine the emotional consequences. Anyway, my anxiety level shot up to the sky and I started partaking. I managed to get a decent job but it was really tough. Back then, they didn't have all the child care options and it was hard to find anyone. But my point is, for you, I found a man who is not perfect by any means and I certainly am not. But I KNOW he loves me and I also know that I held anger toward him about the fact that he did not want children with me (he already had two and I already had one). My child is disabled and that was a tough situation in the marriage, plus I will never be a grandma which is hurtful to me. Sober, I deal with this just fine but there have been times when something triggered by inner rage over not having more kids and I let it rip at him when I had too much wine. In there, of course, is the sorrow and guilt about my kid being disabled even though it's not my fault. He knows all this but I understand that I went to far a few times. It's true that he should have understood my needs better but that was then and now is now. He did call a friend of mine a couple of times to vent about my outbursts and drinking. She was a far worse drinker than I ever was, so there was no "outing" there but still. And he mentioned it to his kids which hurt me. But I knew he needed to bring it somewhere. He got sarcastic and nasty a few times too after a scotch or two. In the end, we told each other about the hurt each time and we were able to forgive each other. TRUST ME THERE IS HURT UNDER THE ANGER AND LOVE UNDER THE HURT. BRING THIS TO EACH OTHER, CONFESS THE HURT AND IF YOUR HUB CAN'T DO IT FIRST, TELL HIM IT IS BECAUSE YOU LOVE HIM THAT IT HURTS SO MUCH. This works. We no longer have these problems but the tiny edge of it sticks in once in a while. That's why I have to be careful to be in my right mind and not let the Id rule the roost. Don't lose your love.

Ivy (Ned, as my friends call me)

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My husband betrayed my confidence

Wow Ivy/Ned,

That was beautiful! Thank you for sharing it with us, and a warm MWO welcome to you!!

Donna

PS I really hope I can do more with you words than just read them!

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My husband betrayed my confidence

Wow....I just read this whole thread. Love to you Patty and Allie. And what thoughtful responses you received from women who have walked in similar shoes and sympathize. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I mean that.

Maggie

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My husband betrayed my confidence

Re: Betrayal

Allie,

I totally missed your post. I am so sorry to hear this! Only one thing thing comes to mind and I shutter to even bring up the little darlings name. I will ezbox you about it. I do hope you are able to work this out some how and stay with us. Hang tight!!!

Donna

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My husband betrayed my confidence

Re: Betrayal

Thank you to everyone for your encouragement. I still havent changed the screen name yet. I havent been on much. The concern I have about changing it is that whenever anyone logs onto the MWO website from my computer, it "automatically" logs me in as "Allie." So if I change the name, wont it automatically log me in under the new name? Then my cover will be blown. Usually he does not get on my computer, but since my computer is also the "family backup" computer when their internet is running slow, they often come to my computer to get online. I will hopefully be getting a laptop soon and then they will not ever need to use mine, hopefully. Is there a way to set up my login so that each time I visit the website I have to login, enter password, etc? I dont like the fact that the website automatically logs me in from my computer under my name without me having to put in my password.

Any suggestions?
Thanks again...
Allie

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My husband betrayed my confidence

Re: Betrayal

Ya know Allie,

I don't get that login thing either. I have always wondered why I am autimatically logged in when I sign on too. I just spoke to my husband, he said it has something to do with ccooikies....LOL!! No really, he said there is a way to make it not log you in, but he won't be of any help with this until Thursday. Perhaps someone else can chime in.

Donna

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My husband betrayed my confidence

Re: Betrayal

Hi Allie,

It certainly might be possible to set up the MWO link on your computer so that it automatically comes up blank every time and you have to enter a user name and password each time you enter it on your browser. You can ezmail Rj here on the site, or maybe they can even answer some technical questions at info@capalo.com from your private e-mail (hope hubby doesn't have access to that one too!), although I'm not sure about that. Perhaps there is also a way to do it through windows, though I wouldn't have the faintest idea how!

The only other option I would know of (and don't ask me how, I'm a complete technophobe!) would be to have a separate log on with password under windows on your computer, so that if someone was using your computer, they wouldn't have access to your stuff, only to theirs. I'm sure some techie could set this up for your at Best Buy or something like that.

I really appreciate some of the saner minds on this thread who have been quite reasonable in understanding that both you and your husband are hurting. I am glad that they are being the voice of reason right now. For the moment, Ms. Therapist here is feeling like bopping him one! Or maybe an upside of the head therapy session! Judie, got a 2' X 4'?

Young-At-Heart and
Rumpled-In-Spirit

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My husband betrayed my confidence

How to logout

If you click on the logout link(just below the live chat link) when you are done, you will be logged off this site and you will have to log in next time you visit the site. Make sure you don't have windows remember your password either, so you have to type it in to get signed on.


Good Luck,
Marcie