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    #1

    more attention seeking

    No.....i mean to say good night. i have to go to bed.
    I need to find some sense in my brain somewhere.

    Is there any? My real name is not even Bella.

    Don't go telling everyone your secrets Bella... Stay as you are...be a good mother to your baby.

    I'm talking to ,myself now...that is not a good sin.

    Sin! Freud slip...i mean ..I don't know what i mean really.

    I'm sorry..i do know that.

    ive drunk too much,

    i want more. I cant have more because i have responsibilities.

    part of me thinks...f**** it...who cares.. but alot of people care and i just need to care myself.
    What will make me care enough to stop this madness in my head? any one know the answer? I guess not....because you would not be here if you did.

    I need to use some inner strengh to take me away from this computer. its too late in the evening for me..I have a 5 wk old baby. Yes,,,yell and shout at how irresponible i am. But my husband is tending to him to night. I'm lucky. Why am i so utterly beholdent to alcohol.

    Maybe i'll have another now...i feel close to the computer. Saddoooo...Bella
    Tags: None
    #2
    more attention seeking

    Go to bed Bella.
    Goal 1: Today
    Goal 2: Tomorrow

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      #3
      more attention seeking

      No one is going to yell at you. Get some rest.

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        #4
        more attention seeking

        Bella I am so happy to see that you are back and hear your baby is well. This is the time you need to be most careful. I know that after children my drinking took on a whole new level. Please don't let it do that for you. Hugs
        "Keep your eyes and heart focused on the end goal at all times, and never settle for less."

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          #5
          more attention seeking

          Hi Bella...

          Lookingforhope is not my real name either. First, you are not an idiot! Does your baby have alcohol syndrome (or whatever it is called)? If he/she doesnt, then there ya go. Not an idiot. Give yourself a huge pat on the back for the 10 full months that you gave to your child, to give him/her a healthy life.

          Attention seeking? Hon, you probably need attention! You are a new mother, freaking overwhelmed I am sure, let alone the depression that can come with all the changes. It is nice your hubby is watching after the baby, and its okay that he is upset at you, but...negative attention to you is not going to help your situation. You need support and love. Having a baby is not easy.

          Can you talk to him? If you can't...please to talk to us. There are many mothers here, and we do understand. No offense to the men here, but sometimes they just really dont because their bodies havent been traumatized.

          Also, after my last child, my drinking went up. Also, missed alot, foggy memories, and I regret that. Hey, if I may say, you drank tonight. Maybe you did deserve that...eek (should not have said that). But tomorrow, YOU don't deserve that. We will be here.
          This is no longer a drinking problem...it's a matter of Life or Death!!!

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            #6
            more attention seeking

            Well, Bella, Meditation Mama IS actually my real name.... lol

            I am sure you are in bed now. I am sorry I had to leave earlier, I would have loved to chat. Thank you for you PM.. Check in here in the morning and let us know how you are, OK, sweetie! Last night will be gone for you by now. Really, gone forever. So it is time to look forward. Kiss that beautiful baby. Take a warm bath for yourself, eat something healthy, take a good nap with Ewan and just be kind to yourself. A new day, that's what we get everyday, a fresh begining.. no regrets.. just look at today... promise??

            Love you!

            MM
            Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.

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              #7
              more attention seeking

              Bella,

              Maybe you need one of those meds to stop the craving...fake migraines if you must but my dear those babies need lots and lots of time and energy, YOUR time and energy. You don't have the luxury of drinking, not for a while anyway. Maybe a doc can give you something to help you out, whether you need an antidepressant or a mood stabilizer or whatever. I know how overwhelming those days can be with two little ones, I have been there!


              Luvya,



              Myheart
              Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice.
              - George Jackson

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                #8
                more attention seeking

                Hi Bella, how are you this morning????

                :l
                sigpicXXX

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                  #9
                  more attention seeking

                  Hi Bella

                  Let us know how you are please. I hope you are feeling better today. Hiya Boopster, hope you are okay as well!
                  J

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