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    #1

    Surrender or Control?

    I was curious about how others feel about this dilemma. The 12 step program says the key to recovery is to admit you are powerless over your addiction and if you think you have power, it's the disease talking. But the Rational Recovery group says that the 12 step way of thinking is wrong and is an excuse to continue to drink. They say you do have power over drinking and realizing that is the key. Maybe they aren't incompatible. Maybe I'm missing something in the details. But both sides make sense and I feel like it's very important for me to choose whether I should be powerless or have power over this

    What I'd really like is for this dilemma to be irrelevant to me because I've moved on and made my life larger, large enough not to care about alcohol. Like Kate, who focuses on the rest of her life. But I'm not there yet. I can't see the forest for this one tree.
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    #2
    Surrender or Control?

    hmm u have made me think and its early lol. alcoholism is a mental illness, which needs to be admitted to before u can take next step, then next step is acceptence of it. for me ive tried control over many years and it didnt work, one prob being is that alcoholics cant control there drinking because they are addicted and have a obsession which is physical and mental. so the next step for me is that i have tried being powerless over it, as i see u cant control somthing that is not controlable. i have a few mental illnesses, which needs to be tooken slightly diffrently which im working on.

    i hate to say this and im sure there is many people out there has controled there addiction with help. but to me humans are flawed and have many defects in charecter, so how could u control somthing if u cant control everything else around u and urself.

    i think ill stop there as im not thinking straight lol.

    i will say somthing on regards of being powerless and using a power that is greater than u is that AA hold many long term sober people due to meetings and 12 steps. i have met one that is 36 years sober, others vary from 15 years to 10 and less and thats just one group i go to. so saying that there has to be somthing in it.

    right i will stop there and may add more when the descussion starts.

    thanks for bringing a interesting question.

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      #3
      Surrender or Control?

      Hey Always, I don't see life as black or white, right or wrong, this way or that way. I haven't studied AA or RR. So i guess in this case ignorance is bliss. I can't imagine not having control over my decisions. But maybe I'm just fooling myself. There have been many poor decisions I've made in my life. I love my church and my faith and believe that we have the ability to direct our lives in positive (or negative) ways. I believe in the need for a spiritual community in society and I teach science. I eat fruits, vegetables and chocolate. I know Coke is bad for me yet i love a tall cold one once in a while. So I guess you have to figure out what works for you personally. I wish you luck on your journey.
      sigpic

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        #4
        Surrender or Control?

        Always.....I have processed through the AA model of the "powerless over AL" and the poor suffering alcoholic that needs to spend hours a week talking about AL. Honestly, I would leave AA meetings and come home and have a few glasses of wine! I believe that "what we think about expands"....so, with that being said, if I dwell on "powerlessness, drinking and the past".....what will I expand in my life? But, if I dwell, on the fact that I am a non-drinker with an allergy to alcohol and I choose to live my life, without dwelling on alcohol and the past...........what will expand? At this point, going on 80 something days of living as a non-drinker, with the enournous help that I have gathered from MWO, this is really working for me. But, I must add, we do all need to find what works for us..........if AA works......go for it! If the answer is anti-buse....go for it! Whatever works for you......Just Do It! Because living as a non-drinker really makes life so much more simple!

        XX Kate
        A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes~Cinderella

        AF 12/6/2007

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          #5
          Surrender or Control?

          You drink to excess and you surrender control over your life. It's like giving AL the keys to your engine and saying "here you go *you* drive". And drive it dose - freaking out of control!! IMO there is no question you *have* to take control over you life and the urges to drink in order to stop drinking. You then have to take further control of your life to navigate through the things that triggered you to drink. At the same time you have to *let go* of that attachment to alcohol. That for me was a hard part, letting go of the familiar routine in my life and replacing it with better things and many times it was merely adjusting to doing things the way you always did things in your life but without the effect of the booze.

          I think it truly depends on your personality, whether you are a type A or B, strong or passive will play a larger role in what works for you. Many people need to be told and shown what to do others like myself can follow their instincts and plow their own way through their problems. But first you have to say "hey I got a problem here!!"

          I think in either case to have to *want* to make the change and allow it to happen in your life. You are not merely stopping drinking, your are changing and crap load of stuff in your life and that is not easy to do and many times people fail to make those changes which steers them right back to the bottle.

          It really takes a lot of courage to let those changes happen in your life.
          Is Addiction Really a Disease?
          Watch this and find out....
          http://youtu.be/ekDFv7TTZ4I

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            #6
            Surrender or Control?

            Interesting topic as I was just discussing this with my hubby last night.
            I HATE feeling powerless! I need to be in control. In control of myself (not AL since I have tried that and lost) and I have the control to choose to drink or not. Perhaps it is just how you look at it but this is what is working for me.
            ~Laura

            Insanity            : doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results................... Albert Einstein

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              #7
              Surrender or Control?

              I personally have always thought of it this way. I believe in both sides of what you are saying. First of all I do have control. I have control over whether or not I take that first drink that is my decision and my decision alone. Now after I take that first drink I no longer have any control because I have just turned that alcoholic addictive switch in my brain on and that takes over thus all control has just been taken from me. Now that is just my opinion, I'm sure others have their own, but like Kate said it's all a matter of finding what works for YOU and what keeps YOU sober because in the end that really is all that matters - not how you do it, just that in the end you get to live a happy sober free life.

              good luck

              hugs,

              Pbear
              when you fail at something is when you learn and grow the most

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                #8
                Surrender or Control?

                poohbear;300438 wrote: I personally have always thought of it this way. I believe in both sides of what you are saying. First of all I do have control. I have control over whether or not I take that first drink that is my decision and my decision alone. Now after I take that first drink I no longer have any control because I have just turned that alcoholic addictive switch in my brain on and that takes over thus all control has just been taken from me. Now that is just my opinion, I'm sure others have their own, but like Kate said it's all a matter of finding what works for YOU and what keeps YOU sober because in the end that really is all that matters - not how you do it, just that in the end you get to live a happy sober free life.

                good luck

                hugs,

                Pbear

                PoohBear,

                I agree with your thoughts exactly. I choose to take Step 1 to mean, if I take a drink, I am then powerless over AL. However, as an person who has shown time and time again that once I drink, I am uncontrollable, I have the responsibility                 to choose NOT to take that first drink. That is what Step 1 means to me.

                Step 2 really causes some issues for people, though.... I have a difficult time with it myself, even though I am truly a Christian. I have to get past the idea that God is going to help me with this. I keep telling myself that God is saying it is my choice and I need to make the right one. Those thoughts do not jibe with Step 2. If you are an atheist, Step 2 is really hard.

                Love,
                Cindi
                AF April 9, 2016

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