Here we go again

[twinsmommy]

Well I am back. I tend to disappear 1/2 because I am busy or tired an 1/2 because I am embarrased that I can't stop drinking. No that I should be embarrassed here but still. Last night my husband asked if I was drinking or on any medicine b/c I was slurring my words. I lied of course. Fell asleep very early. This morning when I went to turn on the computer, I saw my glass of wine from last night on the floor in a corner. It was in a regular glass b/c I was trying to hide it. I don't know if he found it and put it there or if I left it there. The look of sadness on his face this morning was aweful. Just like he always says... "i did it again." If he does know ( he has to unless he is a dope) He will want to talk and I HATE that! I can't take it. First he'll ask whathappened and what am I gonna do? I never have the answers for those questions. I am sooooo depressed. You would figure I would WAKE THE F UP!!!! I keep thinking when I finally get a job that I will stop. But who am I kidding.
Everyone here who is AF or has it under control is so inspiring I just don't know why I can't get past day 2.
:upset:

[YoungAtHeart]

Here we go again

I don't really know what to say, but I want you to know that I'm hearing you. It sounds like you are on a hamster wheel right now. The drinking causes low self-esteem which causes more drinking, etc. Also, I don't know how much physical addiction there is involved. It also sounds like not having a job is getting you down.

It's hard to believe from your perspective right now, but the alcohol is making it harder to cope, not easier. I found that out being AF. Life isn't easier, per se, but I do cope better now. You must remember though that the first few weeks AF take most of your energy just to remain AF. It gets easier from there.

Good luck, Twinsmommy. It's hard but worth it. Keep on trying.

:l :l

[twinsmommy]

Here we go again

Just took some L-Glutamaine. Mine is only 500 mg. And it says take 1 Three times a day. Is it ok to take 2 at a time?

[twinsmommy]

Here we go again

Thamk you I am trying again. I know it gets easier when I get there but getting there is soooo hard. Your nailed it I am a hampster, I just gotta jump off that damn wheel!

[bestlifeldms]

Here we go again

Twinsmommy! Keep your eye on the prize! You can do this. If you can raise twins, you can do anything. Remember, I have twins too. I struggled for sooooooo long. It just takes that right time for things to click. It will click!!! We have to make it click!

Day three was always my worst - WORST!!! I used to hate those talks too. I broke my hubs heart, hundreds and hundreds of times. I hate that now. The one I couldn't answer was "Why". He seemed to think there was a specific thing to blame. I think because he wanted to fix it, fix me. I had to realize the only person who could fix it was me...

Be determined and be strong. We are here for you!

Love and support - :l Best

[Thankful]

Here we go again

Twins ~ I really am not sure what to say either because you seem to know the drill.

Lots of water, take your supps and try, try again! You can do this. You have to keep telling yourself that. You have to purge your mind of all the negative thoughts.

Positivity and focus!! Stay strong!!

We are here for you.

Love, Me
:l

[wakupmom]

Here we go again

Hi Twins,
How i can relate.You know i didn't realise how bad my drinking habit had deteriated,untill i went to stay with my ex for a period of time.Whilst living by myself i had a free rien.Nobody to hide from(my children didn't notice-who am i kidding,poor things)
The lenghths i went to to hide the extra booze,i was consuming!Feeling angry whilst drunk that i was being questioned regarding my behavior.The remorse and embarrisment the next day,and sadder than anything else that i was being discovered.
So from one mum to another mommy.Lets take back our self respect,learn to like ourselfs again.
Stay strong.Never give up xx

[gabby1go]

Here we go again

Twins Mommy,

You can do this! When you feel the urge (most of us have our witching hour/s) then do something. Get out of the house, get on the boards, exercise. Do anything but drink. Once I got past day three I felt so much better and now I am not dying to have a drink. Yes, I still would like to have a glass of wine in the evening while cooking dinner but I don't. I need to do this for me and you need to do it for you. Once you start feeling better physically, you will feel better mentally and emotionally and things will start changing. Keep taking the supps., get enough sleep and stay busy. I have been through the same looks & talking scenario with my DH. He doesn't even need to do it. I do it enough to myself. Don't dwell on the past, think about the future. We are right here when you need us. Gabby.

[wastedtime]

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Hey Twins,

Boy can I see myself in your story. 20 plus years as a drunk. That's me. Kids 16 months apart and fooling myself that behavior wasn't impacting theirs. My father drinks every night - always has - until he "goes to sleep". Time to break the cycle for me and my family. I don't know what the final straw was for me. There have been so many and I'm not sure why I've become so determined this time around - second time with this site. I've just started again this week. Let's do this. One day at a time. I'm thinking of it this way - for every day I am AF, it is one more memory of a day I don't have to feel guilty about. It is working for me right now. crossing fingers.

[Jaded]

Here we go again

I can relate to every word said by all...I was living alone for a long time and when you drink alone you don't realize how drunk you are. I have recently graduated to drinking in the mornings too...someone on the board said Cymbalta is known for causeing the on and off swith to not work so I'm trying to wene myself off that...I can't believe I drink til I pass out wake up and start again...I would have never thought I would ever get to that point. DAY 3 is the worst for me tooo....It's so nice to know that we are not alone. I use to think I was the only one that drank as much as I do and that I must really be a bad, bad person. I don't think any of us are bad people we just have this huge problem and we have to learn what it's going to take to over come it. WE SHALL PREVAIL !!!!!!!!!
:durn:

Gabby? what does DH stand for? damn husband?..LOL:H

[twinsmommy]

Here we go again

Good morning all! This is long look out

Thanks to all who posted to " Here we go again" from yesterday. I feel really good today. Made it through yesterday AF. It's nagging at me today but I will fight it. I wouldn't want a drink yet but I keep thinking about later. I am gonna go take some more L-Glute and drink some lemon water. I tried Happy life's cranberry recipe a week or so ago but I think I messed it up! LOL
Well I may get out of that conversation I didn't want to have with my husband. I still am not sure if he noticed it was wine in that glass or if he bought it I wasn't drinking (doubt it),
but last night, he went to his best friends house b/c they were seeing off another buddy of theirs. (who not only is an ass but he drinks more than I could have in my lifetime, in one sitting) He lives in AZ. He came to tell me Dan called it's Mark's last night so he was gonna go over there a couple hours. (yeah right!)
Whenever he goes to Dan's his wife just goes to bed she doesn't want to be bothered and my DH can never make it to work the next day. This is a recent thing but has been happening more often. Anyway, he dind't show up home until about 3:45 am. I heard him get into the aspirin bottle and I knew he was down for the count. I went down shortly after b/c I went to bed real early and saw that he didn't even get the aspirin cap back on the bottle. It took me over an hour to get him up this morning. Somehow.. he managed to get himself out the door at about 9:15 or so which is about an hour late (and he has an hour drive) He was chipper and gave me a nice kiss. So I am thinking he is not going to call me out. The thing that gets me the most is that he judges me then goes and does it three fold. Not only can he usually not go to work (whic is really bad b/c he is a director AND his friend Dan's wife's boss:shocked but he sleeps THE WHOLE DAY until at least 3 when the kids get home AND he drives back fron Dan's !!!!! It's not far but who cares! Plus it is a few exits down a major highway full of trucks! You can't get the cap on the aspirin bottle you should definately not drive! I can only say anything b/c at least I get up do what I have to and have the good sense to stay put!!
So anyway sorry for the long story just needed a good unload! Going to take my supps so I don't wake up tomorrow feeling the way he had to today!
I hope this post doen't seem like I am being self rightous or anything it's just he makes me feel like such crap about my drinking and I can't say anything to him so it brings my self esteem up off the floor a bit when I am not the one being the ass, and MR. Perfect shows flaws too.

[Bambi]

Here we go again

Hi TM,

Glad to hear you got through yesterday AF, that is great! Just keep plugging along and remember you are doing this for you and your family! Try not to think about what your hubby did last night. No is isn't fair that he calls you out on yours then turns around and does the same, even worse it may seem to you...but don't think about that; Think only of YOU right now and you getting sober! He may of did it as a way to get back at you....I don't know....Just take care of you and your kids! Make plans for this weekend and before you know it you will be past days 3 & 4! We are here when you need us, keep taking your l-glut!

You can do this, YOU show Mr Perfect who is kicking ass now!

Hugs, Bambi

PS: My hubby likes to think he is Mr Perfect too, gets on my nerves, but he has his flaws too!