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**hulagirl** · January 1, 2009, 12:03 AM

So stressed and really need to vent

Alcohol will probably just add fuel to the fire. Continue to come here and vent. We're all ears, (well... eyes and fingers). I don't know if anything I say will help but just see this as a temporary situation. This can give you the opportunity to get yourself together financially. I'm sure it is stressful for your parents and daughter too. Hang in there and try to keep yourself together and on track with your goals.

**UKSean** · January 1, 2009, 12:15 AM

So stressed and really need to vent

Wish I could help more...

Looks like you are going to have to give it the old N.A.Y.M. all the time that you are there.

N od
A nd
Y es
M um I doubt if you are going to change her ways after all these year's. Even a man such as your father with all his patience has not been able to change her. Get out of the house as much as you can, find something to do (besides drink) go jogging anything to keep your contact with her to a minimum, and when your with her remember N.A.Y.M.

Sorry I couldnt come up with more.
Sean X

**witchywoman** · January 1, 2009, 02:52 AM

So stressed and really need to vent

oh SK, there is notheing like having to live with your parents that will make you feel about 5 yrs old, i'm 38 & my mother still treats me like i'm a child, telling me what to do & how to do it, sometimes i have to admit its tempting to react like a child & throw a tantrum, (complete with stamping feet) LOL just to see if that would make her realise whats she doing, but she is doing it out of love,
Hulagirl & UkSean are right, let us know, vent to us, we are here for you.
Good luck sweetie

**maddiva** · January 1, 2009, 04:42 AM

So stressed and really need to vent

HAPPY NEW YEAR SK. TRY NOT TO DRINK COS THAT WILL MAKE IT SO MUCH WORSE FOR ALL OF YOU. IT IS EASIER SAID THAN DONE, BUT YOU MUST KEEP A CLEAR HEAD. REMEMBER THE LONGER YOU DRINK, THE LONGER YOU WILL HAVE TO STAY THERE. TRY HUMOUR. TRY TO LAUGH TO YOURSELF AND NOT MAKE AS BIGGER DEAL OUT OF THINGS, EVEN WHEN MUM IS 'BITCHING', IT IS JUST HER WAY. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!!! HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO HAVE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO GET BACK ON TRACK!!!! BE GRATEFUL FOR YOUR MUM AND DAD WHO SOUNDS AMAZING!!! ABOVE ALL PLAN FOR THE FUTURE AND WHERE YOU WANT TO BE IN THE COMING YEAR!!!!! IT MAY BE DIFFICULT ALL ROUND AND IT CAN BE MADE EASIER, JUST FIND THE WAY!!!! BE THANKFUL YOU HAVE SUPPORT AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER. YOU CAN DO IT!!! BUT ABOVE ALL FIND YOUR HAPPINESS:h

**fickle** · January 1, 2009, 05:34 AM

So stressed and really need to vent

Hey SK,
sounds really hard but keep coming & venting here. Finding time outside the house sounds like a good plan. Maybe there is some way your dad and you can come up with a plan to make a little space outside the house? Like maybe look in the paper for a 2nd hand ping pong table and set it up in the garage so you can go there and play with your daughter when things get too much? Maybe a badminton net is cheaper in the back yard?
Another escape could be a card game in your bedroom if desperate. PM me if you need any suggestions as I don't know how old your daughter is.
Good luck and try your best not to drink.. just hold onto your power and be there for your kid & your dad.. they are there for you!
Fickle

**gabby1go** · January 1, 2009, 08:54 AM

So stressed and really need to vent

No doubt the situation stinks and you have gotten some good advice. Try and keep everything in perspective. It is only temporary. Also, it's your mom's house. Try and pacify her the best you can, smile, say yes, bite your tongue, and try and make the best of the situation. Don't make yourself crazy over it because it will make you want to drink.

Take the opportunity to make this a positive experience for you and your daughter to spend time with your parents and her grandparents. I like the suggestion of trying to play games together, watch movies, take walks, etc. Anything that is cheap, fun, and takes your mind off of things. Above everything, don't let it add more stress to your father or strain the relationship you currently have with your mom. Who knows, this could turn out to be something really positive for you and your dauther financially and personally. (Just don't leave anymore puppy food on the counter, lol).

Gabby.

**Skinned Knees** · January 1, 2009, 11:12 AM

So stressed and really need to vent

Thank you all so very much for your responses. Fortunately, I only had a couple of beers and stopped. I realized that I would only make things worse if I started drinking again. So, I watched TV with my daughter, played games on the computer, and then chatted for a bit. Thank you for those that came into chat with me last night. It really helped alot.

I am going to take the advice here. I like to go for walks, and my daughter will be looking to make new friends. (She's going to be 10 in a couple of weeks.) I'm going to ask my parents if I can have a sleepover party for her with 3 of her closest friends from where we used to live. Fortunately, it's only 10 mins away and I can pick the girls up and bring them home again. That will keep me busy with the planning end. I'm also going to get my business started back up again, and that should keep me really busy.

I'm trying my best to not set my mother off. I feel like I'm walking around on eggshells though. For every little thing, I'm worried that it's bothering her -- whether it's the dog, my daughter, or just something that I'm doing. Maybe it will get a little easier as time passes. I hope so.

Sorry for rambling. Thanks again everyone. This site really is THE BEST. :h

Happy New Year!

SK

**inhiding** · January 1, 2009, 04:21 PM

So stressed and really need to vent

Your mom and dad and mine sound like identical twins! I would be drinking interveniously if I had to move back with my mom. You are handling this better than I would. Good job....all I can say is save as much as you can as quick as you can and get out of that situation as soon as you can. In the mean time, get out of the house as much as you can and keep your sense of humor.

**southernbelle47** · January 1, 2009, 04:45 PM

So stressed and really need to vent

SK
Try to remember that you are doing this for your daughter .....sometimes we can take it on the chin for someone we love when we would come out swinging otherwise...

Maybe clear the air with mom by asking what the house rules are and what can you do to help while there. Your daughter is old enough to help out some also and will benefit in her self-esteem. I absolutely love for my grand-daughters to help me!

I will pray Peace for your home and God speed in getting back on your own.

:lNancy

**JAMMS** · January 1, 2009, 05:14 PM

So stressed and really need to vent

SK- I totally agree with Sothernbelle, although I'm sure it sounds easier then it will be. You can't walk around on eggshells and a 10 year old girl should not have to either. Try to be honest with you mom. Tell her that you want to respect the way she keeps her house and her rules and all that but that she should unserstand that your daughter and you need some time to adjust ans some room for error. Then you all shouldtry to come up with some new rules for evedryone. Belive me it can work I've had a family member living with us for almost a year.

Good luck and happy new year.

**Skinned Knees** · January 1, 2009, 09:32 PM

So stressed and really need to vent

Thanks so much for understanding and more help.

The first thing I did when we were discussing my moving in, was I asked for what the rules of the house were. What did she expect of my daughter and myself? She just said to keep our rooms clean and neat. That was it. I asked if there was anything else and she said no. I've been setting the table, doing the dishes, and everything that I can to be helpful. I have kept after my daughter in making sure her dishes make it into the dishwasher and that she doesn't make a mess. I'm still walking around on eggshells though.

SK

**A Work in Progress** · January 1, 2009, 09:38 PM

So stressed and really need to vent

SK, based on what you have said here, I think it's safe to say that anyone who tries to live with your mother will ALWAYS be walking around on eggshells! Hard as it is, your best bet is to try hard to accept that this is the way she is and the way she will be... trying to please her, or trying to get her to change, will just make things harder on YOU. I do hope you and your daughter will be able to move out of that situation fairly soon! Be strong, focus on what you need to do, and not on your mother's approval or disapproval, OK?

**Accountable for Me** · January 1, 2009, 09:39 PM

So stressed and really need to vent

On the opposite side of the coin, in my experience....

Last year I had to move into my grandmothers house with my 2 year old. Man, was that tough! I kept thinking we were 'imposing' and felt that my daughter and I were upsetting her because she had her own routine, etc. Plus having a 2 year old - talk about a mess, noise, and she is tiring!

What I realized down the road was that she LOVED having us. It was actually me that was paranoid, feeling a loss of independence, feeling like I was constantly being watched etc. It was MY attitude that upset the ship so to speak. After a long talk, I changed my attitude, felt comfortable in the situation, and things were smooth as butter!

I am not saying it is you, by any means. I just know how hard it is not making ends meet and having to move in with relatives. It kind of takes away a bit of pride.

I am sure once everyone in your home is adjusted to the new living arrangements, maybe things will get better for you!

I hope things get better!!

**inhiding** · January 1, 2009, 09:49 PM

So stressed and really need to vent

Hey Skinned,

Sorry to be such a bummer but I just don't see this as a healthy situation for you or your daughter.....I know you have to do what you have to do to get by for now but make it short term....

My mom has always said whatever comes into her head to her family no matter who it hurts..I think she thinks it is a family's devine right....it cuts to the quick and even then some cause this is from a woman who should love you no matter what.

I am now a mom of a teen dealing with the teen emotions and hormones and feeling like I can do no right but I swear I will never do to me what my mom did to me.

You are in a bad spot and need the help but get out as soon as you can for your own self respect.....
Much love and respect...bu

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