trying yet again

[skinny cow]

Well, I am back and trying yet again after a particularly bad and embarassing binge. now all my inlaws know because my husnband just couldn't suffer in silence any longer. the only thing i am hoping is as bad as this is and as mortified as i am that they know, hopefully this is the push that it will take me to finally quit for good.

i really fear the third to fourth day. i never seem to be able to get past it. i fell that if i could i could do ok. but i have everything to lose at this point. my kids, my husband, my home, my sanity and my health.

al brings NOTHING to my life. it is just temporary escape to help me cope. and it makes everything worse.

I am 37 and still in good health and i haven't had jail time or crashed cars or divorce or my kids taken away but it really is just a matter of time.

for a long time my big thing was that i never drank during the day. well, that seems to have changed recently and i have had some incredibly bad binges, monday being a particualrly crazy one where i was essentially blacked out all day.

please pray for me. i feel very isolated in the desiese at this point. i am going back to AA tonight. i have gone on and off for over a year, but never really committed. i've played the whole 'i am different...they are all older, all men' but really that isn't true and i need to find help wherever i can get it.

thanks everybody

[ezzmae]

trying yet again

Welcome back SkinnyCow.

Sorry to hear that things have gotten worse for you. Maybe this is the incentive you need to kick it. I did really well for a while, but slowly started to drink once a fortnight, to once a week, to the whole weekend again. I am again aiming for 30 days but this time around I know all my triggers.

We need to be strong to beat this. Are you able to get some meds?

[startingover]

trying yet again

Hi SK, welcome back hun....
It sounds like this is your turning point now.
For me when I reached mine, I promised myself that I was no longer going to drink and that I would deal with all the emotions and feelings as they came up. And guess what? They didnt kill me, but the AL would have done. It wasnt easy at the beginning, but I was carried along by some sort of pride in what I was doing.
So I will pray for you, like you said AL adds Nothing to your life and only detracts from it.
Stop now, while you still have a life to stop for.
You are not alone, we are all here to help and support you. Going to AA will be a good thing too.
Prayers and good thoughts are on their way....

[greeneyes]

trying yet again

Hi skinny! You can do this! And you are right in assessing what you have to loose. You're right, al is only a temporary escape but I have to disagree that it helps you cope. I don't think you can escape and cope at the same time. I got to where I could drink at any time of the day. DANGER!!!! Stay close and jump back on track! :l

[beginning]

trying yet again

Don't know how useful a message from a newbie will be...
I definitely can say you're not alone! and it sounds like you have a plan for the day!
Sending good energy your way...

[gyco]

trying yet again

hi cow welcom to the club,i havent been around for a while,either,health reasons,im a 56 year old male,many years of drinking,still have my family,dont no why,i do sympathise,AA is not for all,but to make a long story short,read doctor bobs story,it took him many years to find the way,i wish you well gyco

[Guest]

trying yet again

I think you will have to work out why you are drinking. I remember you said before that are an american, is that right? Are you lonely where you are, have you any friends , do you feel isolated? If you fixed some of this or addressed it , it would help. Talk to your husbo about how you feel, its very bloody isolating bringing up young kids , never mind miles away from friends and family!

[Accountable for Me]

trying yet again

Skinny, you CAN do this. You have to do this. You definitely don't want this to progress any further.

Keep checking in here and get the support you need. Once you pass the 4 day hump, you will be surprised at how good you will feel. xoxo

[Popeye]

trying yet again

Hi Skinny,
I wish you well.

[skinny cow]

trying yet again

thanks for the words of encouragement guys. everytime i come back here i don't think i can be any lower and of course i am which is part and parcel of this horrible desiese.

I know i need to reach out for help more and not to let myself get to isolated. i have three young children and a husband that works alot (no excuse, don't get me wrong) and i think I have painted myself in a corner where i am quite a lone and that gives me an excuse to drink. Now thought it is totally out of control and i can't control it anymore...it has spilled out of the closet so to speak.

Total insanity. Why are we all on this website when obviously the drink makes us so unhappy and yet we still do it? its a crazy thing really! I wish us all the best

[DeeBee]

trying yet again

Sending you strength and good wishes!!
You CAN do this!!!

[gyco]

trying yet again

hi cow i thot id follow up,i hope its getting a bit better,sometimes its good to get a 3rd parties view,councilling ? for you at first, i dont think your hubby would object ? we are a selfish kind,even in sobriety.my dear it is about YOU i do wish you well gyco

[dlw]

trying yet again

I too Skinny have had a bad week. Lets pray for each other

[polaryzed]

trying yet again

Hi Skinny Cow . . .

For some reason, I have been thinking about you off and on over the passed couple of weeks. I remember your Wonderful Support when I first found MWO. Perhaps it's the ENERGY that Evie.Lou speaks of . . .

You were saying AA meetings, all men, mostly older . . . are there other meetings you can attend in your area?

I personally find it extremely helpful to stick close to the MWO forum. The messages have helped me reflect on who I am as a person. And I am Not AL.

Also, I just recently started Reading books again. Is there a Library nearby that you could visit? They have CD's as well that you could listen to while you are busy with other things.

This may sound strange but I listen to Louise Hay 'I Can Do It' CD while I am at the MWO forum. It has helped me immensely.

My prayers are with you sweetie . . .

Place big fat HuGGable here . . . :l Try to stay close to the Good People here at MWO, I think it will help you as well.

God Bless . . .