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Divorce....Reality Setting In

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    #1

    Divorce....Reality Setting In

    So as many of you already know I was divorced after 21 years in January and my Ex moved out in Feb, (Valentine's Day to be exact). While I do not have issues with the emotional end of the divorce the rest of it is starting to set in. For the last few weeks the Ex was staying at a friends and rarely had a chance to spend time with my son. The older one is 20 and really is not an issue, but the 14 year old left to spend the first weekend at Dad's new townhouse tonite. Dad got him a new kitten (which I took care of while he was waiting to move to the new place) and new furniture for his new bedroom. The kid could not get out of here fast enough.
    Don't get me wrong.....I did not expect him to not see his Dad it's just that when he left tonight I realized how alone I felt. When I think about it I really did isolate myself in the last few years of the marriage. I guess drinking added to the isolating. OK so I may sound like I am having a pity party, but I just needed to get that off my chest. I quickly had the thought that I could have a drink(after all I deserve it and who would know), but went on a bike ride instead. Came home and am posting this here to remind me that I am not alone and that I do not want to go back to where I was. So this may seem like a ramble, but it felt good to get it all out. I'm going to go find something to keep me busy. Btw the kid spends many weekends staying over as his friends so this should not be any different. I think it maybe time for Mom to get a life!!!!
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    #2
    Divorce....Reality Setting In

    Time.....it's going to be strange for awhile. As they say time heals all wounds, also time makes the strange bearable. Once it becomes a routine....it will get easier. I'm on my second marriage. Lasted 10 years....I was lucky my brother, and friends kept me busy....I also found a girlfriend (my current wife). It was still tough. Hang in thier.....this too will pass. LOL IAD.
    ?Be who you are and say what you feel because
    those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.?
    Dr. Seuss

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      #3
      Divorce....Reality Setting In

      Divorce sucks...that's for sure !!!! But life after divorce and alcoholism can be magical...I am living proof of that. It really is a chance to start all over and reinvent yourself. Do things that YOU REALLY ENJOY...Make a list of things that you have always wanted to do and start taking little steps everyday towards getting them done...
      The best part of your life can be just outside that door, waiting for you...open the door and embrace it !!!
      You sooo deserve to be HAPPY!!!!
      sigpicEyes on the PRIZE, a SOBER Future !!!

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        #4
        Divorce....Reality Setting In

        Hey T2C - good on you for posting here & going for a ride instead of sucumbing. Well done!!

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          #5
          Divorce....Reality Setting In

          Time, you know sometimes change is difficult even when it is for the better. It's a good kind of lonely and it won't last long. :l
          sigpic
          Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

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            #6
            Divorce....Reality Setting In

            Time.....all I can say is my thoughts and prayers are with you and I totally understand about the children.....This is probably why I keep trying to make a "silk purse out of a sows ear"....its not looking like a purse, by the way!:l:l:l
            Finally Free

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              #7
              Divorce....Reality Setting In

              Thanks everyone.
              Watched a movie and heading to bed early. Someone said on another thread that "you can not keep the same life without alcohol" (or something to that effect) and I don't want to, but it is hard to find that new life. I'm still working on that.

              Beautifulred-I stayed in a very unhappy/unhealthy marriage for years because I was so afraid to hurt the kids. What I found out was that what really hurt them was living through that. They are actually happier for me and themselves now. There is so much less tension and stress.

              Greenie- So true. Change is never easy!!!

              Thank you all. A good nights sleep never hurt anyone. Good night!!

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                #8
                Divorce....Reality Setting In

                Time, I hope you wake feeling better.
                I can totally understand your mixed feelings. It will take some time to come to terms with your life and create a new one for yourself. But you are a very strong lady and given some space I am sure you build a much better one for yourself and your children.
                My mum stayed with my father for the sake of the kids for too long. Its better to see your parents happy.
                Take care.
                Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
                Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

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                  #9
                  Divorce....Reality Setting In

                  WELL DONE TIME .. I LOVE YOU AND IF I COULD REACH OVER THERE NOW I WOULD GIVE YOU THE BIGGEST HUG AND NOT LET YOU GO AND YOU KNOW IM JUST A STONE THROW AWAY FROM YOU ...
                  YOU ARE NEVER ALONE
                  :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
                  best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

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                    #10
                    Divorce....Reality Setting In

                    Time when I first seperated from my childrens father the weekends alone were torture to me. I had not been alone in so long, I honestly didn't know what the hell I was supposed to do. I was lonely and scared. But, NOW....honey let them go to their Daddy's for the weekend. I have a life too. Go get a pedicure, meet a friend for dinner, go to a museum, walk the mall..GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. You are still in there, trust me. I had to meet some new friends...didnt give up the olds ones, just met some new ones too. Most of my friends were married, so I met a group of friends that weren't.
                    Forever loved, forever missed Papa Bear

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                      #11
                      Divorce....Reality Setting In

                      My sweet time aint been around much but I love you dearly you are a wonderful person a beautiful soul never ever forget that ok !!!!!
                      Love cap

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                        #12
                        Divorce....Reality Setting In

                        :hHi time2......so glad you never had that drink, it would makes things so much worse hun. Now it is your time (I do know how hard that is) Just remember it truely is just one minute at a time in the beginning, but when you are alone do something you have been putting off, it will make you smile!!!!
                        :heart:AF since May 31 2008.....Happy and Healthy

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                          #13
                          Divorce....Reality Setting In

                          Thanks for the kind words. I know so many have been through the same. Maybe some of it is just the kids getting older and no longer needing me. Seems like it is time to grow up and I'm not sure what I want to be.
                          Thank you all for listening.
                          Good to see you again Captn. I missed you so much!!
                          Time
                          PS-Greenie...If I haven't missed you have a great vacation!!! You deserve a nice relaxing rest!

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