Nora's journey

[Seen the light!]

Nora's journey

Hi Nora

You are doing really well - I enjoy reading your posts every day and I am rooting for you!! I am trying to follow in your footsteps and am just starting day 5 AF

[Guitarista]

Nora's journey

Hang in there Nora. It's hard, yep, but it get's easier. You're doing great, and i'm also rooting for you here.
Best wishes.............G.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Day 17

Thank you all so much for writing to me. It means so much to me that there are people out there that are with me on this stumbling/crawling/walking journey.
Yesterday was such a rough day. I was almost in tears a couple of times. Stress levels were HIGH. I KNOW that I would have been drinking if the kids were not here. That is not good. I MUST find another outlet. I MUST.
I think that a lot of my stress is the fact that the kids are going home. I know that seems weird but the fact that they are going home means that it is closer to them moving. I am thrilled that they are going to be stationed in Milan, Italy. It is absolutely the best place that they could have hoped for. But, it still means that I am not going to see them for a long, long time. And, as I'm sitting here actually typing this and starting to cry......I realize that is a lot of what is going on inside of me right now. I need to start allowing myself to feel and listening to what is going on. Who would have thunk?
Anyway, things are just very stressful at work. Extrememely. And, very stressful here at home. Scott is not feeling well at all and his pain levels are way up.
And the RAT is winning. Last night when Scott got up to go to the bathroom, he saw it in the hallway. I seriously am thinking about charging it rent now. It thinks it owns the joint.
Well - got to get to work.
Ok - thank you so much everyone for being here. It really helps.

[TakeHeart]

Nora's journey

Congratulations on working through your cravings!

It sounds as though you are also really getting in touch with your feelings as well. Maybe with all the money your saving on AL you can plan a trip to Italy to visit????

Keep up the good work!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-1-09

Well......I fell hard last night. I sit here now & wonder how in the world I did this to my body on an almost daily basis. Anyway - it is done. I have changed my signature line so that I can keep track of any slips. I want them right there where I can see them and know. We are going to the concert tonight and I am sure that I will have a couple drinks again but it certainly won't be like last night. Ok - enough of that - I did it and I can't take it back. Done bun can't be undone.
They picked up the kids yesterday and probably will be moving by the end of August. Actually, probably within three weeks. They had stopped by my work to see me and told me this. Sort of shocked me. I guess in my brain, I still hadn't accepted that they were really moving??? I don't know. My nine year old niece looked up at me and said, you look like you're going to cry. I said not until you leave. My niece looked at her husband and said this is your fault. lol Oh well. Reality hit hard yesterday. It is going to be a wonderful, wonderful experience for them. A lot of the people that he went thru this training with got very tough places to be stationed. They are so fortunate. They will be going to Ireland for 2 weeks in September. Amazing. I am so happy for them.
We left one of our cats in last night to try to catch the rat. No luck. It's pretty sad that a rat is smarter than I am. It must be all the alcohol that I've drank.
Ok - going to work for a few hours and then going to go see "No Doubt". Going to be a great concert. Better watch out - this 50 year old, heavy woman can dance!!!!:H

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-3-09

Well.....I had 3 days of drinking and now I am determined to get back to where I was for the 17 days before. I like that person so much better. I want to stay like that. I don't have to wake up with the guilt and the trying to remember what I did or said. So, here is to day 1. I can do this. I want to do this.

We had absolutely the best time at the concert. It was so nice to be out with hubby. We haven't done that in so long. That's what happens when you've been married for almost 32 years. You stop going out. :H Anyway, we had a wonderful time.

So, time for me to get up & get ready for work. Get my supplements together and start this Healthy AF day. I know it's going to be a hard one - I'm sure there will be cravings. So, I'll probably be on here a lot today reaching out for help. I can do that instead of reaching for that drink.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Wow! I really don't feel well today. I can't believe that I did this to myself on a daily basis. I am glad that I am back on track. I feel awful but I do feel determined. Now, in a couple of hours when I start telling myself that a drink sounds really good.......I am going to come back here and read this!!!!! I don't like the way I feel. I don't want to be that person anymore!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

I am so happy to say that I did not get major cravings today. I am back on track with Day 1 under my belt. I just need to stick with it. I am going to the Dr. at the end of the month and plan on talking to her about everything. Not looking forward to this conversation. I tried talking to her last year when I asked her to give me Topamax. She prescribed it but seemed more of the mindset that I should just stop drinking. Like - umm I know that.......that's why I'm here asking for help. Oh well.....I'm not going to fret about it. The L-Glutamine really seems to help but I'll be glad to get my blood work checked.
Going to bed now so I officially made it thru Day 1.

[joesgal]

Nora's journey

Good for you Nora, and all the best for day two. I have found your posts really helpful to me on my journey, thanks for sharing yours, joesgal

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-4-09

Thank you Joesgal and everyone else that has posted to me here. It really does help me to see a friendly face (or words) from people that totally understand. I mean that just get it. I think sometimes that people just think then don't drink. They don't realize that it is a struggle. It is not that easy.
It is time to get up and get ready to start Day 2 of AF. I think I'm really coming down with a cold. I keep hoping it's my imagination. When the sore throat started, I just thought it was from all the screaming at the concert and the drinking. But, I woke up with a bad sore throat this morning. But, I DID NOT wake up with a hangover. :H
Oh & by the way - Rat update. I am officially charging him rent. He is obviously smart enough to escape every trap so he's smart enough to pay rent. Grrrrrrrr. I am scared to get up during the night to go to the bathroom now!!!! I don't want to step on him.

[Cinders]

Nora's journey

Nora,

It is good that you stopped yourself after your lapse. Many relapse for days before trying to quit again. Unfortunately, that leads to having to face the horrible withdrawals again.

You should use your lapse as a reminder in the future how easy it is to fall into the stinkin' thinkin' of drinkin'.

Here's to a stellar Day 2 and onwards and upwards.

Cindi

[TakeHeart]

Nora's journey

Hi Nora!

I have also relapsed for a couple of days. Only one day (yesterday) where I drank enough to get drunk. It was kinda weird drinking again....and it hasn't even been that long. But, returning to drinking, I didn't even enjoy it. I was in a pissy mood, having a pissy day and once I was buzzed...it didn't help. I kinda felt like, "Oh yeah. I remember this and I'm not having fun" I didn't even drink because I was at a fun party. Just home by myself in a foul mood.

Oh well!!! Here we go again! Atleast we haven't given up!

Best of luck to you! How was No Doubt in concert? Love them!!!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Hi Cindi & TakeHeart........thanks for your notes. I have felt yucky all day. Sore throat & achy. Had a few urges to drink but not really. Just a gut reaction to some issues at work. The old me would have been sucking them down already. So, I definitely do see improvement.
My niece & family have a tentative date of the 24th of August for the move. We shall see. They are busy, busy, busy right now. We will probably drive down there this weekend to see them. If I'm feeling better that is.....otherwise, we'll have to wait until the next weekend.
Tomorrow is the Farmer's market so hopefully hubby & I will do that tomorrow evening. Trying to get out & do things to avoid bad habits.

TakeHeart - No Doubt was fantastic. Excellent concert. They put on a great show. My niece used to see them years ago for free at Fullerton College. Boy - have times changed. I would definitely go see them again. My niece & I went and saw Gwen Stefani in 2007 (we took her daughter who was 7 years old at the time). Anyway, No Doubt came out for the encore. It was so wonderful then that I knew that I definitely wanted to see them when they toured. I highly recommend their concerts. Ok - enough of the fan talk. :H

Guess - I'll go set the rat traps and head to bed. I talked to my friends brother who is an exterminator. He gave me some tips and he can come out in a couple of days maybe when he's off duty & check it out. I am about at the end of my rope on this.

Thanks everyone for all the encouragement. Just feeling lonely today. Not craving but just blah.

[Sweaty Betty]

Nora's journey

Nora - we had a rat that chewed through the aircon wiring - in the end we used sticky traps. Gross but did the job - good luck!

Bets
x

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-5-09

Thanks for the info Bets.....I'm going to go look & try to find some more sticky traps. We had rat traps, sticky traps, poison all set out last night. We were sure were going to get it. Nothinig. I am so frustrated right now. I'm tired of not being able to feel comfortable in my own house. I want to be able to go in and scrub everything out in the kitchen but I can't yet but he's still there. I just want to scream & scream & scream & scream. This has been going on since June!!!!!!! I think I've been a good sport about it. I am DONE.
I know that I'm just acting this way because I don't feel well. My throat hurts, my sinuses hurt and it's one of those that there is no sense in going to the dr because you're not sick enough. :upset: So, I'm just being a big baby right now. I just want to curl back up in bed & sleep. But, I can't because I have to get up and go to work. I am the one supporthing this family. THings have been so tight that we wouldn't be able to make it with me missing a day of pay. So, here I go. Off to work.
I don't know why I am on such a pity party. I'm usually the one that just takes it & does it. I am the one that handles everything. I don't understand this pity party I'm on. Don't know if it's because I'm sick or because I'm not numbing myself with alcohol. I never realized there was such a whiner in here. Yuck! I'm going to have to work on that.