Nora's journey

[NoraC]

Hey Mr G - thanks for dropping by.
Also, thanks for the positive thoughts! You are so right - why am I feeling sorry for myself. Things are definitely not that bad. Thanks :hug:

[NoraC]

I should rename this thread Nora's Whining.

So many people are having so many serious problems. These are just my own personal ramblings, nothing serious.

I need to work some things out and it helps to just come here and just pour it out. I'm not even sure what I need to say but I can feel everything building up. I need to deal with this before it escalates....

Today was the first day that I was really thinking about drinking. I've had some cravings and thoughts. But, it was different today. Not to the extent that I was ever worried that I was actually going to drink.........but, enough that I don't want to ignore it. I was thinking about letting go, no thinking, no stress and sleep. Of course, I immediately thought it through and I know that's not what I want. But, I am uncomfortable that was my thought of how to handle my stress and depression.

I have been slipping into depression. There is no reason for it and I am trying to stay positive......thinking positive thoughts, doing fun things, having me time. So, hopefully, this will pass very soon.

I am trying to deal with the stress in a productive way. I am trying to get things ready for Mom and not worry that she doesn't want to come. I keep doubting myself that this is the best thing for her. But, it is. I have to work. I can not move up there to take care of her. If she is here, there will be 24 hour care with all of us. It is getting close to the point where my brother won't be able to leave her to get out. She has declined in the past year but she still knows us and talks to us. She gets around with her walker. She has her own opinion about things. But, the short term memory is probably down to less than 2 minutes now. But, if she absolutely refuses to leave there, then we'll have to come up with another plan.

My brother called me tonight. He is stressing out about all of this. He's been calling me and asking me if we've made the right decision. And just going thru all the what ifs over & over. Finally tonight, I told him that I can't do this. I said that we can keep talking about this for the next month. But, what is going to happen is going to happen. I told him that I was sorry but I was stressed enough and couldn't do this. That he needed to talk to someone else if he needed to talk about what ifs. That we had to just let it go and believe that things will work out for the best. Anyway, he agreed and said that he was going to do the same.

Positive things that I did for me today:
Connected to MWO
Healthy breakfast
Healthy lunch
Popcorn for dinner
Rode the exercise bike
Packed up some more things that need to be moved (living room/dining room/hallway being painted on Friday)
Told me brother that I couldn't deal with the negativity and what ifs
Spent time with hubby
Came here and talked - rambled as much as I wanted without feeling guilty about complaining

And - the most positive thing that I did for me today is I did NOT drink

[abcowboy]

Nora, you're working through those tough spots and that's the key, you rock kiddo!!

[NoraC]

I did it again - 100 days. I will be entering new territory pretty soon. I don't remember exactly how many days I had but it wasn't much over 100. So, I am gathering all resources around me. It is going to be a rough few weeks so I want to make sure that I am being proactive.

1) Newbies Nest Roll Call every morning
2) Stick close here. Log in often.
3) Continue with positive thoughts
4) Ask for help if I need it
5) Antabuse twice a week for the next 2 weeks (will keep it in my system until I get back home)

I can do this, I just wanted to make sure that I had definite plans to help me stay focused.

[Samstone]

Nora!!!!! ye haww!!!

[Pavati]

WAY TO GO, NORA! We're here for you if you need us. To 100 and beyond!

Pav

[Rusty]

Congratulations, Nora!!!!!!!

[abcowboy]

:hug: Nora, I know you mentioned some tough times ahead of you for the next couple weeks, but with God and us beside you, you have all the support you need! Hope all goes well in court tomorrow...

[fennel]

You go, girl!

[Sunbeam]

Great going, friend! You can continue doing this. Why wouldn't you? Life is so much better.

[Mr Vervill]

Way to go, Nora! You've got this. Don't let the lifey things derail you. Sending strength your way.

[Lizann]

Yay Nora! You're doing great! Right behind you we're doing this!

[Glass Half Empty]

Nora – I’m so proud of you sweetie.

Just remember to focus on the positive – living life without ingesting booze isn't something difficult you have to get through, it’s a wonderful, positive, healthy new way to live. You aren’t losing anything but gaining everything.
:love:

[NoraC]

Glass - so great to see you. :hug:

Thanks everyone for all the support. It is just heartwarming to have so many people from all over the world reach out to each other.

I have been so incredibly blessed by my wonderful family. It is great to be here with Mom. She didn't remember I was coming and was so happy & surprised. I think that she got scared a couple times during the night when she woke up and I was there in bed. She didn't remember I was there. I'm lucky that she didn't club me. ROTFL

This is the time to move her. She can still get up and move around - dress herself, feed herself. But, the short term memory has gotten even worse. It's just such a sad thing. But, we are so grateful that she is happy. If we can get her moved and have her be happy at home with me then it will be great. My brother is the sole caretaker here and it just isn't going to work for much longer. At home with me, there will be more help.

Trying to just take it a day at a time.

I had incredible cravings yesterday. I posted here and got amazing support. I have looked back thru this journal and I have been doing the same things over & over. I am trying to change things this time. I feel like I am in a different place and I am trying to protect this quit. That is HUGE. Even though I 'wanted' to drink so badly yesterday - I really did NOT want to. I just want to continue protecting this quit when the times are rough.

Thank you everyone for being here. :joyous:

[NoraC]

Well....the rough times have begun.

My brother & his friend left for their little vacation. They were still in the driveway and I had the vacuum cleaner out. Breaks my heart because Mom would never have let her house be in this condition. Every time we bring up housekeeper she gets so upset that we dropped it. But, I told my brother before he took off that the first thing he needs to do after Mom leaves is to have someone come in and do a deep cleaning. I don't think my brother does any housework except the dishes and his laundry. Anyway, I just got off on that tangent and that's not important. osteroops:

I have started telling Mom repeatedly that she is coming home with me for a vacation. Before, I would tell her daily but she wouldn't remember. She, of course, does not want to leave. So, I explained that my brother was going on vacation to visit his grandkids and she is going to come home with me for a vacation. I started a list of things to pack and that is sitting next to her. This keeps reminding her and I know she is agitated about it. She has brought it up about 10 times so far and I have explained it to her. Maybe I should have waited until closer to next Sunday so that she wouldn't worry about it. I guess I could just move the list away and put it back out in a few days. Sigh...........this is hard. The thing is that there isn't really an option anymore. She just picked the list up again.......

I am blessed that I still have my Mother and that she is able to have a conversation with me at all. I don't care if it is the same conversation.