How to answer the questions...

[Changed1]

How much time do you have? How many days have you been sober? When was your last drink? I have to go to my rehab aftercare group tonight and I'm trying to think of a way to answer this. Frankly, it's no one's business but my own, but I don't want to say this. This is why MWO is so great for me - people are free to share if they like but it's no biggy if they do not. Everything is accepted here and everyone is treated as an equal in the spirit of genuine support. Anyway, if you have a thought as to how I might politely decline to provide this information, that would be great. :thanks:

[hart]

How to answer the questions...

(((Changed1)))

How about the old standard, I'm just taking it one day at a time, then smile.

[Heavenly]

How to answer the questions...

Changed1;678267 wrote: How much time do you have? How many days have you been sober? When was your last drink? I have to go to my rehab aftercare group tonight and I'm trying to think of a way to answer this. Frankly, it's no one's business but my own, but I don't want to say this. This is why MWO is so great for me - people are free to share if they like but it's no biggy if they do not. Everything is accepted here and everyone is treated as an equal in the spirit of genuine support. Anyway, if you have a thought as to how I might politely decline to provide this information, that would be great. :thanks:

Why don't you want to answer ?

[Changed1]

How to answer the questions...

hart;678271 wrote: (((Changed1)))

How about the old standard, I'm just taking it one day at a time, then smile.

Perfect Thanks.

[Changed1]

How to answer the questions...

Heavenly;678272 wrote: Why don't you want to answer ?

Too many bad associations with AA. It's been my experience that the level of respect someone is given is commensurate with length of sobriety (or, as I prefer length of time AF). I just don't want to go there.

MWO and it's approach and no one trying to one up anyone has worked much better for me than anything else and no one asks me about days here.

[42cat]

How to answer the questions...

I would feel the same way, Changed1. In fact, I'm embarrassed to say that I'd probably outright lie about it ... I'm definitely not suggesting you do that .. I just know "me", and that's probably what I'd do so I wouldn't have to deal with it face-to-face like that ... It's so much easier to be me here online on MWO. That probably makes me a coward - but I'm working on it ... one day at a time.....

Speaking of one day at a time, I like Hart's "one day at a time" response idea. You could also add that you're not really counting days. Or, if you want to say you've had a drink, maybe you could simply say you had a drink a couple of times (at dinner, for example), but have been sober since whatever date.

Do you think they would badger you into giving them an actual number of AF days, etc.?

Also, is the rehab follow-up a mandatory thing, or just a good thing to do? (Not saying you shouldn't go - I'm just curious.)

Sorry about all the questions ...

[Changed1]

How to answer the questions...

Hi Cat, not too many questions at all. I did lie during the program and felt like crap when I graduated. I lied for a couple of reasons - I didn't want to be the perpetual relapser, didn't want the hold back the group (be the center of attention and the problem child), and I had already paid a couple thousand to be there and didn't want them booting me out. The aftercare isn't mandatory, but it's another resource for me and I did pay for it.

I guess I'm tired of my drinking or not drinking being on other peoples' terms and having to be defined in their language. It's just gotten to the point (and maybe it's my age) that I don't feel the need to please others in this whole drinking/non-drinking arena, as no one else lives in my head but me. No one deals with my same exact situation so I don't feel like being run through some cookie cutter approach. And, yes, I am quite sure the standard how many days have you been sober question will be there, as the guy who runs the group is an AA person. That's one thing I like about both SMART and Women for Sobriety - no pesky questions that really are none of their business.

[42cat]

How to answer the questions...

Thanks, C1. Again, I know exactly how you feel. You sound a lot like me, actually. I know I wouldn't make it as a true AA member. I prefer to do things my way, because I know "me" better than anyone. I appreciate help and input, of course .. but I can't stand being made to feel as though I'm "less than" simply because I choose something different.

Or maybe I just hate people ... lol.

Heck, I couldn't even make it through Weight Watchers meetings (and I tried - 3 times). Standing in line waiting for some stranger to weigh me .... Then sitting in a room like a number with the rest of the herd .. listening to some over-enthused know-it-all tell us what our problem is ... pointing out things that any fool would have already figured out .. and giving out kiddy stickers to adults because they did something good this week and shared it with the rest of the class .. after which, the entire bunch would laugh and clap and nod understandingly..... Arrrrrrgh, I'm getting angry just thinking about it! .... LOL ... It's not like I don't know HOW to lose weight .... it's just that most of the problem is in my head. (I'm not putting down WW - it's really a great program and makes a lot of sense ... and the program has worked for me in the past (I lost 75 lbs in 2005) ... I just don't like the meetings.)

*ahem* ... Rant over .... Moo. Yeah, maybe I just hate people.

[Changed1]

How to answer the questions...

LOL, I went to WW too. The only benefit I saw in having someone else weigh me is so I wouldn't really have to know how much I weighed (and I did tell them not to tell me). But, yeah, I do hear you about the stars. I am sort of an online hermit, maybe a curmudgeon even. Don't know. I like people ok, but maybe better online too! It does afford more privacy. I dunno.

[42cat]

How to answer the questions...

I was a horrible online hermit several years ago ... I'd stay up until all hours (with drink in hand) after the family went to sleep. Thank goodness I got out of that habit ... but I am still online every day ... I can't imagine life without the internet!

[Cinders]

How to answer the questions...

I go to AA and derive great benefit from it.

However, I feel so strongly that MWO is my first lifeline. It really is.

I don't lie at AA because one of the tenets is rigorous honesty and I figure in for a penny in for a pound. Otherwise, why bother to go?

But, MWO allowed me to face my addiction head on for the first time and allowed me to speak about my addiction to others for the first time. One of my friends here said it well. "MWO gave me a safe place and showed me that I am not the only one out there feeling these things and dealing with this addiction."

MWO has helped many of us get our self-respect back. Us alcoholics tend to think very poorly of ourselves, especially when we relapse or fall. I know MWO helped me on my road to recovery and still does.

Cindi

[42cat]

How to answer the questions...

I feel the same about MWO. I did a LOT of googling (even AA sites) and MWO was the only thing that made me feel hope for my particular situation, thoughts, feelings, etc. ... and that helped me with my self-respect and not to feel so alone. I will be forever grateful to MWO for that.

I do think it would be a wonderful feeling to be in a "real people" meeting (AA or otherwise) and be so honest and open. I have never even tried. I've been scared off of AA because of its strictness. I think a women's meeting would be very beneficial (for me) though.

............ Just thinking out loud.... er.... via keyboard.

[Changed1]

How to answer the questions...

Thing is, I am not asking this question to lie to anyone, just to clarify. I honestly don't believe it's anyone's business how many days, months, years I've been AF unless I choose to disclose it to them. And the truth is I do much better not counting the days, as there isn't this feeling like I am in some sort of contest (with myself or anyone else). I don't know if anyone else is like me, but counting days is worse for me than to just do nothing except live in today. Sure, at one point I did have more than a couple of years without a drink. But I cannot tell you exactly how many days it was past the two year mark, nor is it really important, as that was then and this is now.

And even though I did spend a couple of years in AA back then, I do confess it is so not for me now. So maybe I just don't want to do anything related to AA as it's a sore spot and I resent the fact I was thrown into it at such a young age. And I'm not even sure I'll last more than one night at this place if it feels like I am in an AA meeting. Disclaimer: I am happy it does benefit some people but it's detrimental to me.

[brightlite]

How to answer the questions...

I'm not a big fan of fessing up to strangers, but do what you feel comfortable with, however also take some time to look at yourself, truly examine your "gut" feelings. Give yourself a little bit of sober time to examine your feelings. It's hard, but you are the only one that can fix the situation, not a roomful of strangers...And that's my opinion and I know there are a lot of people that get a good feeling from the social interaction. It may be that this pushes you outside your comfort zone, which may be the catalyst that is called for, I don't know. Like I said, look into yourself first and find your inner quest. That may be the place to start.

Feel well, be strong and move forward.

[Tulipe]

How to answer the questions...

Hi Changed,
I totally understand how you feel. You have to do what is right for you. You have to make your own plan, and it is only for you to assess if you are pleased with it or not. But I do think that you should consider what your heart tells you is right. If you think you've got it, great, no need to go farther than that. However, if a funny little feeling in your tummy tells you that things are not going as great as you wish, maybe you could tell the person after the meeting, i.e. not in front of a group? I sure wish I had someone personally to talk to. My doc doesn't know crud.