Hiding not-drinking in case I fail

[adi]

I don't want to be watched by my wife or family.
I don't want them to see me fail.

for the 1st time for years I drank tango apple drink,
looks just like cider I normally drink.

My wife seemed kinder towars me, perhaps I didn't have the alcoholic edge as I hadn't had a drink.

I only lasted until she and my children were in bed, but that is 2hrs better than normal.

Does anyone else hide their non-drinking habbits ?
I don't hide my drinking much, but the intrusion into my saving myself seems too sensitive to share, but only with you all.


I'm off good luck.
Andrew.

[nancy]

Hiding not-drinking in case I fail

Yes I have done that before, but not with someone as close as a spouse.

It seems like a normal enough thing to do considering all the shame and guilt. My advice is to just say you are trying to cut down and not quit entirely. Why? You don't want pressure but hiding it is a block in your intimacy toward your spouse.

Hopefully some married people will give you some insights on this.

Take care of yourself.

[Sweaty Betty]

Hiding not-drinking in case I fail

I think whatever works for you. BUT, I think you should look at it more positively, look for achievements, don't expect failure. Maybe meet some small steps/goals first and then share with your spouse?
I was open with Mr Sweats, and he knows about MWO, but I don't share what I'm writing with him, this is the place where I'll confess how I'm really feeling, and know I'll get support.

I hope that makes sense

Bets

[DriftyAlison0]

Hiding not-drinking in case I fail

Personally I think that you are just setting yourself up for failure. Someday they will offer you a drink without knowing that you quit and then boom you will ruin your quit. Tell your husband the truth. And stop thinking about failing. You can do this! Just take it a day at a time.

[startingover]

Hiding not-drinking in case I fail

Hi Andrew,
I used to hide my drinking yes. I also didnt talk about my quit until I had a few days AF (alcohol free) I didnt want to share the awful truth either. Even when it was probably very well known.
When you are ready to talk, I am sure you will.
Getting a good reaction from you wife when you are sober is a great thing. And that should give you a bit of confidence to plow on.
Best wishes

[MamaZum]

Hiding not-drinking in case I fail

OK, I DID drink 2night. WTF?? I did it again!!

I am so sorry! You all have so much love and advice to offer to others, but only MamaZum is the queen of complaints!!

Drifty....I think HE has to tell HIS wife..not the other way around. (Maybe i have everyone mixed up in my AFB!) (AL FULL BRAIN)

LUV you ALL!

MamaZ

[gyco]

Hiding not-drinking in case I fail

are you grasping at tthreads yes,sobbriety isnot easy ,i guess i get to pik on you today,if i was your bessssssssssst fried i would hold u and say what the f.. are u doin yesssssssssss,im here in body u can ake a difference lok at the threads the people tht made a diffffff

[louise]

Hiding not-drinking in case I fail

You probably don't want to say something like "I'm never drinking again", but it would probably be a good idea to say you are trying to cut down so you can get support (when I didn't tell my husband, I would find bottles of wine at dinner, etc.). Here, you only fail if you quit trying.

[zelda]

Hiding not-drinking in case I fail

I am new, closet drinker 10 years I want to stop. My Boyfriend left me two days ago because I hide in a separate bedroom and drink. I am afraid to quit cold turkey. I am off the weekend so I thought I would tapper down till then. I know it is going to suck for a while. I want to go a AA meeting on Sat am. I choose a life.

[42cat]

Hiding not-drinking in case I fail

Andrew ... well done on those 2 hours. I hid/hide my drinking AND my non-drinking. I know exactly how you feel.

Bottom line is ... do whatever you need to do to get to your goal. If that means sneaking drinks or non-drinks, then so be it. For example, I snuck beers as I tapered down from a huge rum/vodka habit ... It felt "silly" at the time, but it worked for me.... I did NOT want ANYONE to know I was tapering / detoxing / going through withdrawals .... And, I figured that I'd been telling "lies" (sneaking) for years ... so what's a few more days? (I hid beer in my stash spot rather than vodka) ... plus it's better this time, because it's for a good cause ... and I managed to make it work and get off my fifth-a-day (morning to night) habit. Hard work - but worth it ... Do what you gotta do.

And be sure to keep on reading and posting here.

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

Hiding not-drinking in case I fail

Great advice from 42cat!!!!!

[nancy]

Hiding not-drinking in case I fail

I also think 42 cat's advice is great.

I just would like to say again though that there might be some value in opening up to your wife. Depends on what she is like I guess. Sometimes people have a problem and they really close up and they could use some support. You might be missing out on that by not saying a word and feel very isolated. I definitely think saying that you will quit altogether is tempting fate, but saying you want to cut down is probably a good idea.

And if you don't want to tell her, consider going to an AA meeting.