I think my husband may leave me

[finallyfree]

I have always been a drinker all my life, but recently it has been getting worst and worst and I am drinking more and more. I was never one to embarrass myself when I drink, but now I have been doing that a lot lately and last night I was drunk to the point where I could not walk straight.

My husband hates drinking and he has been putting up with a lot from me and I keep telling him I would change but I never do ? because I don?t know how to stop. I controlled it for the past 2 weeks but then when I went out I got carried away. I am again making myself a promise to stop today and I pray to God that I can follow through.

I was also thinking of talking to my husband tonight and tell him that I am sorry for the way I have been acting and that I will definitely make a change. I don?t think he will believe me though ? any suggestions on how I can save my marriage?

[hart]

I think my husband may leave me

(((Finallyfree)))

By getting yourself on antabuse. Then you will make yourself sick if you drink. You tell him you are going to ask your doc for an rx for antabuse, then do it. If you want to save your marriage, that will do it. Good luck hon :l

[sunshine_gg]

I think my husband may leave me

:l finallyfree

How do you feel about letting your husband in on the fact that you "don't know how to stop"? Does he realize that you aren't just being obstinate but need real help?

I know myself how difficult it is to admit you need help and ask for it from others. But, I believe, in this war all is fair. I have been open with my partner (after several failed attempts) and asked that AL be kept under lock and key (we do have a wine cellar in the house). I think, that if you sit down and discuss your difficulty in quitting with your husband, it will show him that you ARE trying to change.. not just saying it to pacify him.

Good luck and please stay with us... there is so much wonderful advice and wisdom to be found here.

[rubywillow]

I think my husband may leave me

FF, let me start by saying I'm an 'older' member, and have been married over 39 years, for better and for worse. I can't speak to the stability of your marriage, tho. That's not my venue. A problem with AL is a problem with your world; family, friends, job, etc. Let's start with what you want. If it's to stop drinking, you're here. If it's to save your marriage, that's different. They aren't necessarily the same thing. Speaking for those I know and trust here, if you want to stop drinking, and want help then with dealing with the damage it causes oue personal relationships, you are here. How can I help you? It's YOU I'm concerned about, because I have been in your shoes. Please, let us help.

[paula]

I think my husband may leave me

Hi Finallyfree, I have been in the same place as you, god it's so difficult, I sympathise. You can stop drinking it is hard but you can do it. I managed to stop after hitting my own rock bottom. I also take antabuse, but only when I feel at risk of drinking, it does work for me, as I know once I've taken that pill there is no chance of my drinking as I would be so ill. My husband is very supportive and that helps. I have not had a drink now for almost 10 weeks, if I can do it anybody can.
Wishing you well.

[rubywillow]

I think my husband may leave me

Great work, Paula. Now's the time to start working on the WHY, without giving up the safety of your med. Maybe one day you can deal with it all, med free. Best of luck!
Rubes

[finallyfree]

I think my husband may leave me

Thank you so much. I want to stop drinking for me, but I think I am also paranoid that I am going to mess up my marriage. I decided that I will talk to my husband tonight and tell him I cant seem to control my drinking and I need his support and see what he says.
I am tired of having alcohol control my life and thinking about it every waking second. There are so many other things in life and I want to enjoy them.
My goal is to mod but I am actually thinking that I may want to stop altogether - that was such a scary thought before but now I am more comfortable with the idea.
I just don't know what else to do to fill my time while I am not drinking and I also am afraid of how I will act when I am hanging out - Alcohol always made my time great. But on the flip side - I always have regrets afterwards.

[rubywillow]

I think my husband may leave me

FF, your at the door of a mighty gate. OF COURSE its overwhelming you. Talk to your hubs, ask for his help and support. If you feel its right, share this site with him. YOU have to be important to YOU!
Don't get overwhelmed with the long term = it scares the shit out of us all!!! Keep coming here, reading, learning what works for others, then choose your path. My mantra is 'I can only control today'. If that helps you, work on this day, this hour, this minute. We will support you.
Rubes

[greeneyes]

I think my husband may leave me

Hi finally! Great stuff on wanting your life back!! Boy, have we all had those same fears! Don't fret. You're not alone. We can walk you through this. You get to do the work though. Do you have a plan? Have you read RJ's book? I would think your husband would be thrilled to support you in this endeavor but he may need some guidance as to what his role is to be. Do you know what you want from him? Lots of questions right? All part of laying out a plan for you to follow. What are your thoughts?

[finallyfree]

I think my husband may leave me

I dont have a plan, I just know I need to stop if I want to have a better life. Everytime I drink I also get scared and my heart starts beating fast and I feel so guilty that I think about hurting myself. I am 33 years and been married for 12 - and I want to keep it that way. I see the joy in my husband's face when I am able to control my drinking and he is such a great guy that he deserves a sober wife
I dont know what I really want from him, I do know that if he tells me dont drink I wont drink when I am with him, so I guess he can support me that way. I just want to know that he is willing to stick it out because I know I can do it - I HAVE TO DO IT!!!!

I just dont have much confidence in myself and I hope I am not feeling this way because I am hungover today....

[greeneyes]

I think my husband may leave me

I'm going to switch to PM, OK? But you really need a plan.

[universal]

I think my husband may leave me

Hi finally free,

Welcome! You have come to the right place.

It concerns me when you say "if he tells me don't drink, I won't drink when I am with him". Understand that this is coming from someone who soooooo knows what you mean. I think that you need to decide why you want to stop drinking. Is it for him? Or for you? You say it's for you but then things like what you said above suggest that it may be for him?

If you want to stop because you feel it will make your marriage better, you have to ask yourself what triggers your drinking in the first place? (Please understand I'm not suggesting it is your marriage that is triggering it....I am sensing a bit of depression possibly?)

Figure out what your triggers are, figure out why you want to stop and VERY IMPORTANT - come up with a plan - without a plan you will be doomed to fall back into old habits (I have done this a lot!)

Good luck and keep us posted. I know you can do this. We have all been in the same situation (some of us still are).

Love and hugs,
Uni

[finallyfree]

I think my husband may leave me

Thanks for all the messages and support. I have been thinking that maybe my plan would be to try quitting for a month and then see what happens after that. I am also going to start exercising reguarly and try to read more and maybe that will occupy my time. I also have to stay away from certain people and situations in my life since they always influence me.

I tried quitting many times before and lasted probably a week. The only time I dont drink is during lent and that is actually pretty easy for me to do so I am thinking that it is lent for me right now

To answer your question greeneyes - I never got withdrawal symtoms when I stop. I dont know if it is because I only drink on weekends or when I go out but I do get serious cravings......I have been taking l-glut and that seems to help.

[greeneyes]

I think my husband may leave me

So true uni! FF, many of us have been there, done that. We lied, we hid bottles, we ditched empites under the cover of darkness. We've done things we can't remember and told horror stories about things we DO remember. so you're not alone. But you need a plan. do you have an idea of how to "just quit"? Do you know what to expect? What to arm yourself with?

[rubywillow]

I think my husband may leave me

FF, a good thought! Ally yourself here with those who are where you are, and those who have had success. Greenie's TOTALLY right that you have to plan ahead of those instances that blindside you with their 'normalness' of what you've been doing. And honey, my husband threatened to leave more than once, but that was MY journey. I only hope for you that yours will recognize you do want to fight this. Stopping for a prolonged period of time gives you, your body, and those around you time to see what is really happening. Good luck, and keep coming here.