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    #1

    A very uncomfortable visit

    As I had mentioned in another thread, we had one of my son's friends here for a few days. His dad and step mom (who my son had told me are alkies) had a doctor's appointment and wouldn't let him stay in the house; he was told to find somewhere to stay or else camp in the backyard. Don't ask. I don't get it. He is a good kid.

    Anyways, Matt's birthday (my son) was this week and he asked for his friend's guitar, amp, etc. which we went to pick up tonight. I walked into the house and was greeted by his step mom. Completely sloshed. Could barely understand her. Was hugged about 6x (never met her before).

    The uncomfortable part? I was looking at myself (a year ago). I also saw how terribly uncomfortable and embarrassed her step son was and I felt terrible for him. I just wanted to leave.

    After we got home, I had a talk with Matt and apologized to him. Again. I put him (and my daughter) in that same situation. We talked a little bit about alanon and to make sure his friend knows that he can talk to any of us. Today, he said he wished he never had to go home, that the last 4 days were a vacation for him.

    I think that perhaps THIS is going to be my counter-thought, if the oh-so sweet voice of AL ever calls me again.

    Just wanted to share/vent.... I'm actually quite shook up.
    Okay, WHO put a stop payment on my reality check?

    Winning since October 24th, 2013
    Tags: None
    #2
    A very uncomfortable visit

    I think I know some of what you feel. Since being sober I had the displeasure of being around drunks, and it is horrifying. I totally feel myself blushing. I think of how horribly I have behaved in the past. Plus, it's just embarrassing anyway when somebody is sloshed like that. But I do think it is worse for us, because it does take us to a time/times we were acting the ass. I'm so happy to see you are AF since 8/8. That is fantastic. Too bad for your son's friend. I hope things work out.
    where does this go?

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      #3
      A very uncomfortable visit

      Good post Sunshine. I think we can all relate. The good news is that it is NOT you and you could give the friend some helpful advice.
      I am also a very friendly drunk. I also tell jokes and forget the punch line.
      Wally22:confusedmonkey::confusedmonkey::confusedmo nkey:
      If I don't want to brag but I can still wear the earings I wore in highschool
      November 2, 2012

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        #4
        A very uncomfortable visit

        Touching post sunshine_gg,
        When I drove home the other night I looked at my neighbor's house and was overcome with sadness. We were invited to his 90th birthday 3 years ago and we didn't go because it wasn't enticing to me because there would be no alcohol there! He's a dear man and I wish now I could have been there on that special day for him but the stinkin thinkin got in the way. Actually thought then I couldn't have fun with alcohol!

        How sad for your son's friend and quite an eye opener for you and all of us as well. I feel badly about my best friend's oldest daughter who never cared for me because our get togethers always included her mom and I drinking too much. Such a bad example and even though things are different now...how do I reinvent myself to her? Seems like it's too late.
        Eve11
        "Control your destiny or somebody else will"

        ~Jack Welsh~:h

        God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Author unknown, :thumbs:

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          #5
          A very uncomfortable visit

          I just want to say that your word "picture" is worth a thousand words beyond.

          And bravo or kudos or whatever connects, to you. Well done.

          Comment

            #6
            A very uncomfortable visit

            there but for the grace of god go i

            thanks for the post. I'm glad your son's friend had 4 days with you.
            AF/SF - November 23, 2014

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              #7
              A very uncomfortable visit

              Sunny clearly you are an inspiration to Matt's friend. You're becoming the parent you always knew you could be...one that your sons friends envy (what tha??LOL) It's a good wake up call for all of us.

              xo

              Comment

                #8
                A very uncomfortable visit

                Thanks for that sun. A good kick up the arse! At least Matts friend now knows that there is someone he can talk to, and he can always come and stay again if things get rough! When you mess up in this life, you always get another chance to make it right!

                Comment

                  #9
                  A very uncomfortable visit

                  Owie Zowie, GG -- what a difficult situation. Sounds like you handled it well, though.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    A very uncomfortable visit

                    Thanks guys. It was an eye-opener and I don't think I'll ever forget it.

                    I just re-read my post and one point I must have accidentally edited out: I also felt very sad for the woman. I wanted to slip her a note or whisper to her 'call me tomorrow... there is a better way'.

                    Which leads me to another dilemma: how do you (or do you at all?) approach the subject? Has anyone of you ever? I mean, if a stranger had come up to me in my days of blissful denial, I don't think I would have taken kindly to any advice or offer to help.

                    Your thoughts?
                    Okay, WHO put a stop payment on my reality check?

                    Winning since October 24th, 2013

                    Comment

                      #11
                      A very uncomfortable visit

                      Sun, is Matt's friend still with you y'all?
                      :l
                      LTG AF January 13, 2011

                      Comment

                        #12
                        A very uncomfortable visit

                        I did sun. Once. My daughters friends mother was in trouble. After a few encounters (!) with her, I finally called to her one morning and basically just said "I think you need help with your drinking. Think about coming to an AA meeting with me soon". She let on that she didnt know what I was talking about, said she was getting medical help for depression (which I know she was), I explained to her that alcohol IS a depressant, and taking and anti depressant at the same time as a pro-depressant was fairly useless. She never came to an AA meeting with me, and after a while, I had to be selfish, and be there for me. She was dragging me down, so I had to cut her loose. But she knows I am there, she only needs to call. And I truly hope she does

                        Comment

                          #13
                          A very uncomfortable visit

                          No, LTG, he went home yesterday. He does stay overnight fairly often, though.

                          Thanks Cathy. I was thinking along those lines... it probably wouldn't do any good right now, but perhaps later?

                          I should probably be completely honest here, too... there is a part of me that's afraid she might get very angry or laugh at me... tell others. I'm not ready to be 'outed'. That's the main reason why I refuse to go to an AA meeting. It is SUCH a small community here, and even your car being in the parking lot will set the rumor mill in motion.
                          Okay, WHO put a stop payment on my reality check?

                          Winning since October 24th, 2013

                          Comment

                            #14
                            A very uncomfortable visit

                            Sun, at this point in time I would suggest just be there for the boy. Let him come to you and Matt. The mum needs to find her own path at her pace. You still need to come first.
                            :l
                            LTG AF January 13, 2011

                            Comment

                              #15
                              A very uncomfortable visit

                              Sunny..I would leave well alone..I had a *friend* that decided she would *help*me with my AL problem. I was well aware of my situation but was not ready to face it. I ended up giving her a right mouthful of abuse.
                              We have to find our own individual path in this battle.
                              xx

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