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    #1

    Loving Yourself

    Do you believe that if you put others first, they will love and value you and you will feel loved? Has this worked for you?

    Do you believe that if you love yourself first you are being selfish? Is it selfish to attend to your own feelings and needs so that you are not needy of others attention to you? Is it selfish to learn how to fill yourself up with love so that you have plenty of love to share with others, or is it actually selfish to expect others to do this for you?

    Who is really being selfish?
    ? People who are self-sacrificing and then expect everyone to give them attention and praise?
    ? People who demand that others give themselves up and do what the demanding person wants?
    ? People who attend to their own feelings and needs so that they are not demanding and needy of others?

    In my definition of selfish, the first two examples are of people who are being selfish, and the third example is of people who are being self-responsible.

    Loving yourself first is self-responsible. Loving yourself first means that:
    ? You learn to define your own worth so that you are not needy and dependent upon others doing it for you.
    ? You take care of your own painful feelings so that you are not blaming others for them.
    ? You take responsibility for what you need to do to feel happy and joyful so that you are not expecting another to make you happy.
    ? You take care of your own needs so that you are not demanding that others take care of them for you.
    ? You take care of your body so that you do all you can to not be dependent upon others doing it for you.
    ? You take care of your finances if you are physically able to do so, so that you are not dependent on others doing it for you.
    ? You do all you can internally to make yourself feel safe, so that you don't need others to make you feel safe.
    ? You have a consistent spiritual practice that fills you with love so that you have love to share with others rather than needing someone else to love you to feel okay.
    ? It is true that everything else falls into line when you take care of yourself first. Far from being selfish, it is actually the opposite of selfish.

    Why don't more people do this? If you are not doing it, why not?
    ? Do you believe that others loving you means more than loving yourself?
    ? Do you believe that you are not capable of loving yourself? That others are better at it than you?
    ? Do you believe that your best feelings come from others loving you, rather than loving yourself?
    ? Do you believe that you are not worth loving, so others have to love you to prove that you are worth it?
    ? Do you believe that others should love you and make up to you what you didn't receive as a child?

    If you are operating from any of these false beliefs, then you are likely stuck abandoning yourself rather than loving yourself.

    "Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line." This statement is absolutely true. If you are not loving yourself first, then it is likely that things are not falling into line for you. Consider changing your intent from getting love to being loving - to yourself first, so that you can then share your love with others.

    (this is an excerpt from Margaret Paul Inner Bonding)
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    #2
    Loving Yourself

    Hi Irish!
    Thank's for taking the time to post this. It's great.
    It is so true that giving up the booze, and being true to ourselves, loving ourselves, will allow things to fall into place for us, and great things happen.....again, and again, and again, and again, and............

    'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

    Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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      #3
      Loving Yourself

      Another great post. Where do you find this stuff? Thanks.
      Redhibiscus
      ______________________________

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        #4
        Loving Yourself

        Gotta just love that irish!!! What another great post! As they say on the airplane... put your oxygen mask on first.
        sigpic
        Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

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          #5
          Loving Yourself

          redhibiscus;760608 wrote: Another great post. Where do you find this stuff? Thanks.
          Hi Red
          I usually post from my own head! this one is from Margaret Paul from this link, some excellent stuff here free.
          Inner Bonding Membership Info

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            #6
            Loving Yourself

            Love it, Irish. Just what I believe! In rehab, one day in our women's group, we were told to write down the 10 most important things we could not live without. Then we had to cut it to 5. Then to 3. Then to 1. I admit, I had seen where the counselor was going, and said I had to save myself first, which was the answer. The other's balked, would not in most cases, put themselves before their family,children. But the point was missed, that without caring and healing ourselves, there is no one else. I'll never forget that lesson, as I tend to overdo, overcare. Thank you SO much, lovely Irish, for posting this, and reminding me how I need to think. I really need it right now.
            sigpic
            Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
            awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

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              #7
              Loving Yourself

              rubywillow;760715 wrote: Love it, Irish. Just what I believe! In rehab, one day in our women's group, we were told to write down the 10 most important things we could not live without. Then we had to cut it to 5. Then to 3. Then to 1. I admit, I had seen where the counselor was going, and said I had to save myself first, which was the answer. The other's balked, would not in most cases, put themselves before their family,children. But the point was missed, that without caring and healing ourselves, there is no one else. I'll never forget that lesson, as I tend to overdo, overcare. Thank you SO much, lovely Irish, for posting this, and reminding me how I need to think. I really need it right now.
              Ruby, thank you for your lovely sentiments and I believe that we all need to be reminded on a daily basis to put ourselves first, everything else will follow if we are ok. It can be so difficult sometimes to do that, it is almost innate to go out and save the world and forget about onesself. So go be good to yourself today, you deserve only the best my friend.:l

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                #8
                Loving Yourself

                another excellent post Irish eyes,i will be keeping this with the rest of your great posts.:-)


                :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

                Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
                I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

                This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

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                  #9
                  Loving Yourself

                  Thank you for posting this irish!
                  Loving myself has always been such a foreign concept.
                  But it's never too late to learn
                  AF since 03/26/09
                  NF since 05/19/09
                  Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

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                    #10
                    Loving Yourself

                    Very nice! And very true. Thank you!
                    _______________
                    NF since June 1, 2008
                    AF since September 28, 2008
                    DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
                    _____________
                    :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
                    5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
                    _______________
                    The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

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                      #11
                      Loving Yourself

                      Irish...I love this way of thinking cos in this way everyone benefits..I kinda of live my life like this but I could improve, alot, overall I feel im heading in the right direction and posts like this validate my inner feelings on this matter, so thanks.

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                        #12
                        Loving Yourself

                        Irish ~ Thank you for the wonderful post ~ :l Em
                        Non Drinker 9/09
                        Non Smoker 6/09
                        Tennis Anyone ?

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                          #13
                          Loving Yourself

                          Absolutely amazing post as usual Irish.
                          But this one is very timely and it's going straight on my printer.
                          Thankyou SO much.
                          Bridge
                          If your 8 year old self met you, would they be proud?
                          Rejoined life 20/5/19

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                            #14
                            Loving Yourself

                            Thanks irish eyes for this incredible post....gives me lots to think about!!
                            Thanks

                            Betterlife
                            :heartsnflowers:

                            Goal 1: 7 days AF Done!
                            Goal 2: 14 days AF Done!
                            Goal 3: 21 days AF
                            Goal 4: 28 days AF

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                              #15
                              Loving Yourself

                              Wow Irish, wish I'd read this sooner. Better late than never I guess.
                              Thank you for posting it. I have an inspirations folder on my 'puter and this is going in there.
                              Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
                              Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

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