How do you deal with partners that also drink too much?

[TheNewMe]

Hi there...not sure if I'm posting this in the right place or not, but I just have this niggling issue I'd like to get out there...
I feel like I'm at a stage where enough is enough...I'm worried about what I'm doing to my health, what example I'm setting my kids and what the heck I did and said last night!
I want to quit or at least be able to drink like a 'normal' person.
I want to feel like I am controlling the alcohol and not the other way round.
The problem I have is that my husband also drinks too much : - (
He drinks because he enjoys it and is able to abstain when he feels like it. I guess the difference is that his drinking is more 'sociable' than mine, but he still binge drinks and I don't think he'll ever stop. He doesn't ask for much in life and a cold beer at the end of a hard day is his perfect way to unwind. Incidently, his father was an alcoholic and died of related disease.
I just wonder whether I stand a chance in changing myself while he still drinks. People have said to distance yourself from people who may lead you to temptation, but he's my husband! lol
Sometimes I wonder what is the point and let's just let the alcohol do its thing.
Is it ever possible to come from a place where alcohol rules your life to a place where you can stand in the middle of a party full of people drinking and be happy with your orange juice and sobriety?
Sorry for rambling - dunno if this makes any sense!!

[Guest]

How do you deal with partners that also drink too much?

Hi The New Me welcome...you are not rambling ...you make alot of sense... Your in a common situation and a difficult situation but NOT a impossible situation...; when its a alcohol problem it is a time to become selfish without giving up the caring person ONLY YOU can heal ya self he has to accept this too..... you cant stop and make him stop too ...we all drink because we THINK we enjoy it ? But your here because you think the drinking thing has moved on from enjoyment to a problem... i dont know if the concept of controlling your drinking once you have crossed the problem line is possible ... for me its not ... others believe moderation is a possibility ... As far as if you stand a chance in changing yourself while he still drinks and his your husband only you can answer that ...you have the power within you... you have to decide enough is enough..... if he still drinks you cant take reponsibilty for that thats not up to you!!!!!! if you stop you set up a starting point he may want to join in on lead by example thats what we teach our kids isnt it....your child benifits from sober parents. Either way glad you are here keep posting and as a fellow Aussie you might want to pop into the "next day thread" lots of Australians and New zealanders and the occasional south afrikans good support and help in that place.. It is VERY possible to come to a place where alcohol doesnt rule and you go to a party and drink no alcohol and still have a great time drive home wake up and remember it!!!!
Take care
Reggie

[rubywillow]

How do you deal with partners that also drink too much?

TNM, I am a very recent success story on just that issue. Even though I've been here, modded, now af for quite a while, Hubs was just as you described your husband. After a very long time, lots of talks, lots of the beginning signs of health issues, he now no longer drinks. I'm not saying he will never, but for now, it is enough. I had to work on myself, though, while he still had beer in the fridge, and I was around lots of AL, so it's always a temptation. It always comes down to a one-on-one battle, and we hope for good fallout from example. Hope this helps.

[TheNewMe]

How do you deal with partners that also drink too much?

Thanks Reggie and RW - you make some good points.
I think I'm still at the stage where I'm not taking full responisibility for my drinking and it's too easy to blame others and the situations I find myself in. Thinking about it, in reality, I often drink when he is not...I am the one who choses to drink and no one else.
I think it would be great if my hubby cut down and I hope that he may follow my example...that's if I ever get where I want to be...since finding this site I have stopped smoking and caffeine, but have not managed a single AF day yet : - (((