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Why I don't have 2 years today

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    Why I don't have 2 years today

    And have no regrets.

    This comes with a “do not try this at home” disclaimer. This is just me and piece of my puzzle.

    Last year, some time after an AF year, I had many discussions with friends and family about drinking. Most said my drinking was a product of my situation, pointing fingers at FH (former husband) and that I was not an alcoholic, that excess drinking under the circumstances was understandable if not “normal”, etc. I agonized over that. Could I really drink like normies now that the marital l mess was behind me and I had an AF year under my belt? How would I ever know if I didn’t try it? Could I set rules and stick to them? Would I even NEED rules? I HAD to know. I was probably one of those children who touched the stove burner to see if it really was as hot as they said. You know how they say “the truth shall set you free”... It did.

    So… I made a conscious decision to drink again. I didn’t fall off the wagon, I stepped down voluntarily. At first I easily stayed close to the wagon but soon I saw that I was running along behind it. I realized if I didn’t jump back on I would be dragged in the mud behind it. I’ve wallowed in the mud before. Doing it again isn’t on my bucket list.

    So, I don’t have two AF years. But I did have an invaluable experience. One that I will never, ever repeat. If you find yourself wondering like I did, I can spare you the trouble of satisfying your curiosity. Stay the course. It is truly dangerous off-road, even in big girl pants. But you already know that don't you.......just be careful to not kid yourself.

    Onward and upward!!

    BTW, I have been AF around 8 months now, but counting isn't important any more.
    sigpic
    Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

    #2
    Why I don't have 2 years today

    Wonderful, Greenie! And I know you will keep your experimenting to ummm, safer areas now.
    Truly, you inspire me. :hug:
    sigpic
    Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
    awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

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      #3
      Why I don't have 2 years today

      Yes greenie, I tried that during May and had the same experience. It just doesn't work. Nice thread!

      Comment


        #4
        Why I don't have 2 years today

        Greenie - Thank you so much for this, there isnt one of us who hasnt wondered exactly the same thing. The thoughts usually go like "now I see the bigger picture with AL, I have a better understanding of it so I could probably drink in a more conscious way and stop after a few. Now I enjoy feeling so good I wouldnt possibly jepordize that by over indulging so I could probably drink normally now. Now I have proved I can leave it I obviously do have will power and therefore I can drink without getting drunk" and blah de-blah de-blah

        Yes I have these conversations in my head regularly and even to the stupid level of thinking, well even if im wrong, I could try it just to see anyway!!! Hello??!!

        I would never fall of the wagon im far too much of a control freak for that, but like you I could see myself taking that conscious step off just to see...

        Your post is invaluable to remind me what I already know but sometime choose to forget......
        "In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer ."
        AF - JAN 1st 2010
        NF - May 1996

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          #5
          Why I don't have 2 years today

          Bravo Greenarse! :h

          'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

          Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

          Comment


            #6
            Why I don't have 2 years today

            That's what sobriety is about for me: self honesty. Without it I'm screwed. Not only that, other people cannot get close to me when I'm not being honest with myself. It's posts like this that make me feel close to people because of their level of integrity and honesty.

            Keep it REAL g-i-r-l-f-r-i-e-n-d!

            Many Blessings:l
            Phil
            "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
            Clean and sober 25th January 2009

            Comment


              #7
              Why I don't have 2 years today

              How the hell did you read my mind?

              Great post, Greenie!
              I'll do whatever it takes
              AF 21/08/2009

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                #8
                Why I don't have 2 years today

                It's when we become complacent and cocky in our sobriety, let our guard down, we are the most vulnerable. We have to remember there is a 'demon' just outside our door, and it only wants us to crack it open. It's insidious, cajoling, wooing, appealing to our 'reason' that we are strong enough to 'handle' it. I personally know what a fabulous person you are, and again, thank you for being true to yourself, and to us.
                sigpic
                Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
                awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

                Comment


                  #9
                  Why I don't have 2 years today

                  Thanks for sharing this Greenie, fantastic post
                  Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Why I don't have 2 years today

                    Greenie,

                    Outstanding! THANK YOU. I am newly sober and I am grateful to you.

                    Love,

                    Rusty

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                      #11
                      Why I don't have 2 years today

                      Fabulous post. Yes I too have had the "you can't be an alcoholic you are self medicating", "you're a manic depressive", "you aren't coping", "you are schizophrenic not alcoholic" 'opinions' usually from people critical of others whilst hiding behind their own issues.

                      Trouble was it would/could lead me to drink again which was the real problem.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Why I don't have 2 years today

                        I find myself having similar thoughts. There is still this small part of me that thinks I might be able to drink normally at some point. Thanks for sharing your experience. It helps to reinforce the truth.
                        :thanks:
                        _______________
                        NF since June 1, 2008
                        AF since September 28, 2008
                        DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
                        _____________
                        :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
                        5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
                        _______________
                        The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Why I don't have 2 years today

                          (((Greenie)))

                          I really don't know what to say. I am completely in awe of you. Your strength, your integrity and your caring.

                          Thank you for sharing.

                          Love,
                          Cindi
                          AF April 9, 2016

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Why I don't have 2 years today

                            big hugs to you greeny .. being true to oneself is the only way to be
                            :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
                            best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Why I don't have 2 years today

                              Greenie,
                              Thank you so much for this post. I have recently been having thoughts of trying to moderate and the thought is maybe since I am taking baclofen, I wont fall into the same trap. Your post has helped me to see that my life, my sobriety, is not worth the risk. I am in a better place now, than when AL used to rule my life.
                              Thank You.

                              Comment

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