Light bulb moment !

[Brave Hearted]

Anybody who comes into chat when I am there or who has read my post will possibly know that one of my favourite laments is ' its just not fair I have got my act together with al got sober stopped the distructive life style I had on the booze but I am lonely because I cant meet anyboy'

But to night I had this light bulb momnet that I wanted to share with you all.

When I was drinking meeting somebody was about meeting somebody who would put up with me ( mainly the monster that al turned me into) But now I am sober its not about that any more yay !!! Its about me meeting people and thinking could I put up with him !!

Might sound a small thing, but to me its massive. Getting sober has given me choices what a wonderful liberating thing that is !

Will still probably have a moan I cant meet a guy but , well old habits die hard, but that little light bulb momnet makes waiting for Mr right so much easrier. Thank you baclofen you have given this women so so much !

[PhoenixRising]

Light bulb moment !

Brave Hearted;943857 wrote:

When I was drinking meeting somebody was about meeting somebody who would put up with me ( mainly the monster that al turned me into) !

And I got married while in this mindset.

[techie]

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PhoenixRising;943873 wrote: And I got married while in this mindset.

sadly me too!

[Brave Hearted]

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sadly me too, but divorced , single and sober now and not plannign on doing that again !

[time2change]

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For those of you who have found yourself in this situation, I can honestly say that divorce was the the best worst thing I ever did. If you don't understand that pm me and I will explain. I think it is a good idea not to make any drastic life decisions for about a year but every situation is different.

[Chillgirl]

Light bulb moment !

Hi BH
I certainly agree the criteria changes drastically when you are no longer drinking, before I would have wanted to be with someone who also enjoyed getting out their face regularly, who wanted to spend a few nights a week in the bar and all day sat/sun getting drunk!
Now when I see a guy drinking a lot I mentally rule him out and when I hear him talk about his usual activities I listen intently to how much revolves around drink. Sadly too often they are a match for the old me.

I just joined a cycling club and last night we went for dinner after a very hot cycle and most of the guys ordered beers, I found myself mentally giving points to one who only had a lemonade! Changed days indeed....

[hillsidetime]

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Hi Brave Hearted, and what a wonderful epiphany that you had. Your wording is wonderful. It is amazing how the perspective, or relativity, changes when living sober. I do hope that you meet someone that you enjoy spending time with, but the great thing is that you enjoy spending time with your sober self too. All the best,
Hill

[brightlite]

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Hi BH....whew could I go on about the men I've met!

Anyway, Chill has the best idea...involve yourself in something that does not revolve around drinking, but that men do too, some sort of club that you have an interest in.

I've wasted so much time dating men where the relationship revolved around drinking. That should not be the focal point. The last guy...although sweet, was such an enabler even when I told him that I wasn't going to drink he would show up with a bottle of wine for me and a litre bottle for himself! Of course I would drink it...then I would end up mad at him and myself, yet he would do it all over again the next time! I finally told him that I couldn't see him anymore because of the drinking. He looked at me like I was crazy, first because he didn't think that he or I even had a problem.... and told me that he liked me so much because "I was soooo much fun"!! I wanted to scream at him. But I told him it was over!

[neart]

Light bulb moment !

oh, all of this rings so true...I went out with a guy for 5 years, and boy did we enable each other! About 3 years ago, I was giving up smoking, so I stopped drinking for about 3 weeks (only way I could guarantee I could stay off cigs) and he told me that I was boring when I didn't drink... Part of my own turn about involved breaking up with him (there were other reasons too, not just AL). There was a guy I liked a few months back, and I realised after a while that I didn't want to go out with him, as I would be straight back into the old lifestyle. I'm adjusting too to the idea of dating etc without drinking - a whole new world! But at least I know I won't make a (drunken) fool of myself for me now, to meet someone new, I know that I couldn't stand if they were anything more than a light drinker - not necessarily teetotal but just not big into it. Pity most social activities in Ireland revolve around the pub, although I'm becoming more and more aware now that not everyone who goes to a pub gets hammered (as I had always assumed, being in that state myself!).

Way I figure, I'm 30 now and I'm hoping there's somebody out there for me, and while I'm waiting for them to turn up, I may as well enjoy a happy, sober life and do everything I want to do myself, without waiting for someone to do everything with

[brightlite]

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:thumbs::thumbs: Thumbs up Neart. Me too!

[OverIt2007]

Light bulb moment !

Hey Brave,

Good for you and your "lightbulb" moment.

Recently I met a new guy over the internet, and ironically at the same time I was going sober. For the very first time in my life, I was getting to know somebody with no booze in my system at all, and it was wonderful! What an amazing experience to feel like I was being my true and real self to meet somebody! I started feeling like It was ME who had alot to offer instead of feeling like some desperate woman trying to capture a man!

We ARE good catches as long as we can keep the alcohol monster under control. Its the booze that will always make us "not so great catches".

[PhoenixRising]

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OverIt2007;944385 wrote: Hey Brave,

Good for you and your "lightbulb" moment.

Recently I met a new guy over the internet, and ironically at the same time I was going sober. For the very first time in my life, I was getting to know somebody with no booze in my system at all, and it was wonderful! What an amazing experience to feel like I was being my true and real self to meet somebody! I started feeling like It was ME who had alot to offer instead of feeling like some desperate woman trying to capture a man!

We ARE good catches as long as we can keep the alcohol monster under control. Its the booze that will always make us "not so great catches".

I met the love of my life this way. I knew him so well that by the time we met f2f it didn't add much. I married him. We were married 24 days and he passed away. That was the beginning of my heavy drinking days. :upset: I say GO for it!!

[K9Lover]

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Oh Pheonix, I'm SO sorry for your loss. How horrible that must have been to lose your husband so shortly after getting married:l

[mama bear]

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Phoenix...how heartbreaking......

[Brave Hearted]

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Phonix how very tragic.

I totally agree for me a guy who is a heavy drinker or whos social life revolves around the pub is not for me. I have joined an activity group , these days I much prefer being outdoors (if it ever stops raining) peddling my bike or walking than propping up a bar .

And dont know if its pc to mention it ???? but what about sober sex ?????? in my opinion so much better not only at the point of contact but being able to remeber it the next day !!!

Who ever said a sober life is boring ?