Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

[fsophiah]

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Well, I was gone for the weekend, and what happens? My colleague in the teaching profession--my friend--is sinking again, and a whole thread has gone by, and I'll bet she was wondering where I was. Em, you're depressed, sweetie. And you have every reason to be depressed. Last weekend I did my quarter grades, and I often feel that time of year is almost beyond human capability, especially when you want to do things right instead of halfway. Part of the reason you were hurt was that you were overstressed and emotionally strung out. If you hadn't felt vulnerable in the first place, you wouldn't have been so very hurt because you know you have a lot of friends here. You are carrying more than most people can tolerate, so give yourself a break. If it's imperfect now, that's because that's what it really is. That's reality. Let go, darlin'. You're gonna be okay, just not right now. We're here. We're sending you a long, long hug, the kind you wish you could get from your mom.

[Ivygoodluck]

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Em, keep trying

Em,

Don't beat up on yourself. My god, you have a son in Iraq. That is enoughh to drive a saint to drink. As Happy said, the idea is moderation and then maybe abs if you can. One step at a time. One less drink today. Another less in a few days. Keep tryiing. AA could be good for you. It's a hard step but if it helps...

I have found I can keep to four glasses since I came here. Not that that is any great shakes but it sure is better than 7. Next will be three. Next, maybe, will be not every day but that is the hard one.

Stay with it, Stay with us.


Ivy

[Helensback]

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Hey Em

Good to see you.

Helen

[Paddy]

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Welcome back, Em. Don't know you yet, but hope to see you around the board more often. I used to be a teacher myself before working in development. And boy did wine help me get through grading the papers ... So, don't blame yourself. Yet, I must say the bad conscience I had over drinking was worse than my hangover. Yet, again, it's not worth beating yourself up about it, as the friends have mentioned in earlier posts. Make it a new day. The very fact that we're online here shows that all of us are trying.

Sorry to hear about your son in Iraq. I can but imagine that it must be a parent's worst nightmare, particularly as we 'little' or shall I say 'normal' crowd have to bear the cost of the big wigs fighting their wars. Anyway, no political remarks intended, but I really feel for you.

(A nice scripture to remember - if my fellow board members permit - is Psalms 55:22). That's one scripture that usually keeps me going when I'm too tired of life.

Love,

[bestlifeldms]

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Em-

Remember me? Couple of e-mails. I was hoping you would return. We are still here. Waiting with open arms. Please try again. The program works if you work the program. Topa isn't a magic bullet. You CAN drink right over top of it. This takes committment and good old fashioned willpower. You can do this!

My therapist explained to me that we all have tendacies to slid back into old patterns in times of stress. After she explained that to me, it helped, and now I am more aware. I slip back myself every now and then. But pick myslef up afterward, and get back in the saddle. Hope to see you here more. This is a great place to get support and advice!

Hugs,

Best

[MonaCat]

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Em, you have a lot on your plate honey. It's hard to take care of yourself, when you are caring for so many others. Please stay with us. We all need each other here.
Hugs, Mona

[dilayne]

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Hi Em, glad you are back. Trust your gut on what you need to do. The program works really well..some people are confident in moderation, and others need to give the abstinence a try. The program worked really well for me when I followed the recommendation to at least try the abstinence the first 30 days..I think it really helps the topamax do it's thing and at the same time give you a break from the alcohol..once you have experienced 30 days of being alcohohl free then you may have a better feeling for what you need to do..if you can do moderation, or Abs or if you need additional support with AA. As for the boards, I don't think you are the first to have your feelings hurt..someone posted a great little reminder..you can't please everybody..and you are likely to hear someone's objection to what you have to say..unfortunately..but don't let that stop you..the sharing is really important..If I'm going to talk about something that could atbe percieved in any way as controversial..I try to preface it with the statement that it's just my experience and how I see things and that my intention is not to challenge anyone else's beleifs...and to try to find the appropriate forum..I also try to accept everyone else's perspective..I'm not here to change people's minds.
Good Luck..you CAN do this..and kudos to you for enrolling your therapist into the idea..hopefully they'll recommend it to someone else who will benefit from it.
Namaste!
d

[karmanav]

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Hey Em,

I'm brand new to this as of today. I've read the book, but not gone any further with that. I did finally tell my Dr about my problem and unfortunately, he wasn't very helpful. So far I'm on blood pressure medicine and a multi-vitamin.

I can relate with your situation somewhat. I'm ex military and I've been in the Persion Gulf. I've also had a litany of life events this year that has aggravated what once was controllable. I never thought 40 was old, but I have to appreciated the irony that everything seemed to break this year (car, van, computer, water heater, personal relationship, etc.)

I have to agree w/ Monacat.
I had a heart to heart w/ the spouse to tell her I was starting to lose it mentally and some things were going to have to come off my plate. To me it's one or two large items that trigger me, but the worse ones are the 500 little items. When they gang up on you it just feels like it's too heavy. Not that I'm in any position to provide advice, but my first course of business is to minimize all the tasks until I can get this back under control. I'm not sure if I'll be back here just because there's so little time in the day, but I thought I'd throw something out there.
Best wishes:new:

[Lucy Van Pelt]

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Hi Em-

I am not personally involved in AA but I do think their serenity prayer may have been written just for you:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...

The courage to change the things I can...

and the wisdom to know the difference

Your son was right on the button when he told you not to worry about him when you have no control over what happens there. It sound to me like you do have soooo much on your plate, but there is only what you can do, and what you cannot. Please don't let yourself worry yourself sick (and into the bottle) over all the things you cannot change. Save your energy to focus on what you CAN do...what you can to next to help yourself with your drinking, for example. Coming here again was a very courageous and wonderful decision.

I don't think you remember me, but I do remember you from when you were here before. Glad you are back!!

Beth

[GratefulEm]

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Thank you all for the warm and gracious welcomes. Yes, indeed, I remember many of these names. I feel alot better without the topa. I wish that it had worked for me, but I think it's my particular body/brain chemistry that made it difficult. It certainly sounds like it's been successful for many people. With my family's history of Parkinsons, (my mother has it very bad) I was leary to begin with about messing with dopamine because that's the neurotransmitter involved in Parkinsons. Maybe the Kudzu will sorta take it's place for me. But I also hear the message that there's no magic pill. This is HARD work. 'Course I have limited energy to put into that hard work right now, but will do what I can. I wish I could go to Iraq right now so I could understand what's going on. I'm reading all I can about the history and the effects of American interference in this century, but I can't fully comprehend. Someone wrote me an email from this site, that when their son was in Iraq, they went out and looked at the moon every night and had their wine.
They were trying to let me know that this is a difficult situation to stay sober (or limited) in. I think I can do it
though. One of the hardest things for me is going to work every day - I teach highschool- and dealing with the absurd pettiness. Our kids have no idea how fortunate they are!! I've started to share some of my feelings with them and they CAN be empathetic, given the chance. But, anyways, a huge reason for not wanting to drink is so that I can be an example to them and to give them a sense of history (that's what I teach) and how much the US and A (Borat) is screwing up now. (Sorry, I need to veer away from the political). It's so much a part of who I am and what my life's work is that I just naturally go there. But I promised earlier that I wouldn't do this. So, once again, thanks guys. The support is really appreciated.
Em

[fsophiah]

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

It's good to hear from you. As dangerous as every day is, it looks like we could be seeing some daylight. I hope today brings good news.

[C]

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Dear Em,

I have not been on much so I missed this thread. (I will PM it also) Funny I sat down here to write to you tonight about my son in VT who just had hip surgery & did not want me to know. Oh God, how that hurts.

Now, about you. In my mind you are being way too hard on yourself. Your one lack of discipline & personal flaw is your drinking. Yes, it is a problem. But you are so much more than that.

Am I recalling correctly or not. You are also taking an anti-anxiety med? Or not? I don't mean just an anti-depressant, but a xanax type med? Is that right? If so, along with all that you are dealing with & the previous topa..well that could certainly make things much more difficult to cope with. Let's talk.

About the topa-- I just cannot tolerate it either. But because I too am still not where I want to be with my drinking problem, I got an RX filled just last week. Took it for 2 days & felt like a maniac. Depressed, yelled & nasty to my husband, etc. I simply cannot tolerate it. So if you know anyone who needs alot of topa pills, let me know. I will give send them.

Oh Em, I do not want to minimize your/our drinking problem in a way to do you more harm than good. But I have never had a blackout & with you schedule, I doubt you have many hangovers. What I am saying is: stop panicking! You have time to overcome this problem in your life. Don't you think. I mean at this point it is not life-threatening. Is it?

And about your relationship with the board. You were never, never arrogant dear, so no need to come back humble. I do not take to that or those that applaud you for coming back & imply some big humble learning on your part. That is their head, not yours.

Again, as some others, I think Ivy & sophia, said, you are OK. More than OK. You are a beautiful soul & you are going to be fine. Breathe. Give yourself a break and just let it all be for a little while. Let your problem be. Reflect on it. Don't panic sweeetie...truly not necessary. You are going to be fine. Try to look to your zen & spiritual studies for some answers.

Meantime, hang in, which I know you will do. And know that many are praying for your son and thank God there is now hope the war will be over soon. And I know Donnie will be OK.

Take it easy,
Love, Chrysa

[fsophiah]

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

Well said, Chrysa. Sometimes things are just plain awful, and we just have to put self-improvement on the back burner.

[happycamper68]

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

EM, you need to go out to a funny movie and have a REALLY nice dinner and take a nice bath.

[GratefulEm]

Don't Know What I'm Going to do-please help

You guys are just TOO caring and awesome! Wish I could sit down and have a cappuchino with all of you-
Chrysalis, fsophia, happycamper - you're my kind of woman! Maybe we'll meet some day. Yeah, I'm hard on myself. I brought that to my psychiatrist last week - that I'd gotten alot of relief from ladies on this board - who cared and responded to me. I HAVE to lighten up on myself. There truly is so much wisdom here. I'm glad I came back. So, I stopped the topa but am going great guns with the supps. That Kudzu is not to be underrated. Thanks for hanging in there with me. The topa seemed to make me nasty and negative. Not that I'm dissing it. It works for alot of people and can be awesome. It just didn't work for my brain chemistry. I feel more like my old self now that I'm off it.
You're in my heart and thoughts, you three. Also Southernbelle and all others who have helped me on this journey. Woman power is something else. Em