I drank a bottle of wine last night!

[breaking_the_cycle]

Last night I drank a bottle of white sparkling wine. I did it 'deliberately'. I made the conscious decision to buy the wine along with my groceries and my plan was to drink it all and see if I still enjoy drinking. I hated it. I did feel a slight mellowing of my anxieties as I drank but I get that same calming effect from GABA.

Until now I had been deliberating over whether to completely give up alcohol forever or whether to just get my consumption under control and drink sometimes. Now I am very clear in which way to go. I do not need alcohol in my life at all. It is actually not even enjoyable. I wonder why I had thought it was pleasant - it was not. After experiencing two weeks of not having hangovers, feeling clean and healthier there is nothing attractive in that intoxicated feeling. Yuck. I hope this one lapse will not erase any of the progress I'd made in terms of detoxing and strengthening my body.

It may sound like an astonishingly strange thing to say - but I am glad I drank that bottle of wine last night. It showed me that by going teetotal I will be missing absolutely nothing.

:h

[sapphire1]

I drank a bottle of wine last night!

Another box ticked! I can understand wanting to test the waters...when you did, you found them very murky and that can only be a good thing to strengthen your resolve once and for all to get rid of alcohol once and for all. I see alcohol as ripping bare my body and soul and leaving an empty shell of a person, for me thats precisely that. Back on the horse and all the strength to you. Saff:h

[Brigitte Bardot]

I drank a bottle of wine last night!

Hi BTC, I believe that we all go through this like a bad love affair ending, even though we know it's for the best we go back to see if we can salvage the relationship. Last week I had two glasses of wine and felt horrible for doing it. I didn't enjoy it, my body certainly didn't appreciate it and I was finally able to accept what my body was telling me, I don't need this. The feeling I'm getting from not drinking is amazing really; I'm able to sleep better then I have in years and needing any form of help is no longer required.

You needed to find out what you did to put these answers to rest. My suggestion to you is to clean your house from all evidence, remove all empty bottles, wine corks, bottle caps..whatever, just remove it from your line of sight. It does help. In it's place put something else you like to drink. I really enjoy nice cold Pelegrino or Perrier with fresh lemon and limes, I'm very happy with that. I also enjoy my coffee. And be nice to yourself.

See you on the AF Daily threads.. :l

[Wagoneer]

I drank a bottle of wine last night!

Morning BTC - glad you found out exactly how you REALLY feel about drinking. Right now on day 18 I have no desire to test the waters - the sound of wine actually makes me feel a bit queasy. I really don't ever want to drink again and testing is not an option for me, at least now or in the immediate (or far) future.

Hope you have a great day.

[Mish]

I drank a bottle of wine last night!

BTC, it sounds like you and I have a great deal in common. I have to make sure of things for myself, maybe more than once...but one thing I know for sure. I will never go on a two litre a night bender ever again. By the end of the first glass I'm okay about putting the lid back on or pouring the rest down the sink. It's empowering and after years of abuse it might take a while to break the habit. I feel like I've beaten the ethanol addiction, but I have to learn some more stategies to cope with the trigger moments so I don't reach for a bottle every time something doesn't go my way. But we'll get there, sweet. :h

[Macduff]

I drank a bottle of wine last night!

Hi BTC I think that we've all been there & it's NOT easy. You'll have to be very wary of that wee devil on your shoulder that will tell you that it's OK to have a drink.....because in the days & weeks to come it WILL be there & you'll have to be strong. Best wishes

By the way I hope today goes OK with the new therapist

Wagoneeer.....good on you for 18 days.....and Mish, I'm with you, last drink 14th Nov also.

Regards to all MacDuff

[Choochie]

I drank a bottle of wine last night!

BTC, I hope that your little "fall" helps you figure out what you want to do. I really think that the desire to not drink has to be pretty strong to be able to not cave in to the part of your brain that tells you that alcohol is a good thing. I think totally differently now about alcohol - like I'm not missing anything at all. I wouldn't moderate even if I could - just really preferring the way I feel without any of it in my body. Please keep us posted on how you're doing.

Mish, Wagon, BB, Saph - I always enjoy your posts - have a super day.

Choochie

[rubywillow]

I drank a bottle of wine last night!

Break, when my 2 kids were little, they were diametrically opposite. Son, the oldest, was fearful, and I could use his fears to keep him away from dangerous situation. Daughter, well, nothing scared her. She took years off my life with her daring! I used to say she didn't believe a fire was hot unless she had actually stuck her hand in it and been burned. He was always cautious, she was always testing the limits.
Some people have to do that. Being shown, having the empirical data, looking at the PROOF of the results is not enough. We have to DO it ourselves.
So, have you learned? Will you have to repeat the experiment? I'd suggest you keep a journal of your feelings, emotions, through this. Maybe if you have the impulse to test the waters again, your own words will convince you of the results.
Hang in there, and above all, learn from your past mistakes. Don't be like me an repeat them over and over like a ninny, until you have lost a chunk of your life. Regrets are futile, but experience is priceless, if we learn.
:huggy

[Ringing Cedars]

I drank a bottle of wine last night!

SPAM

[K9Lover]

I drank a bottle of wine last night!

BTC,
I, too, tested the waters the other day. What I found was that my body hates alcohol. I spent the next day completely sick. There was not ONE positive thing for me about drinking. I was involved in phone calls and texts that I wish never happened. And the anxiety, shame and embarrassment of "the morning after" is horrible. I will never try to "test" it again, the results will ALWAYS be the same.
Wishing you strength!
K9

[Accountable for Me]

I drank a bottle of wine last night!

One thing that I learned in my lapses over the past couple of years is that nothing changes! Nothing, nothing, nothing.....

Also, from what I am reading, and from my own experience is that we drink HUGE amounts; even when testing the waters..... not just a glass or two. It is either the whole bottle of wine or several shots-3/4 of a bottle or more, of the hard stuff.

This alone is alarming. We definitely are not any where near being 'normal' drinkers, or people that can moderate. That is the harsh reality of it all.

We deserve to be healthy! Dig deep within.... start loving yourself and start feeling deserving of a wonderful life!

[breaking_the_cycle]

I drank a bottle of wine last night!

K9Lover;1006330 wrote: BTC,
I, too, tested the waters the other day. What I found was that my body hates alcohol. I spent the next day completely sick. There was not ONE positive thing for me about drinking. I was involved in phone calls and texts that I wish never happened. And the anxiety, shame and embarrassment of "the morning after" is horrible. I will never try to "test" it again, the results will ALWAYS be the same.
Wishing you strength!
K9

Thanks for your messages everybody!


K9- This is EXACTLY where I am at - same as you! The alcohol wasn't even enjoyable - that's incredible! I don't even feel a sense of shame or failure, just a sense of "OK, so now I know...."

It wasn't a case of me trying to moderate or drinking the whole bottle by mistake. I actually said to myself, "I will now buy a bottle of wine and I will sit here and drink the whole bottle and see what it feels like."

I remember something similar when I gave up smoking cigarettes. I gave up by the ciggies and then about two weeks later I bought a packet and smoked one just to see if I still liked it. I did not like it at all. I threw the rest of the cigarettes out the window and I have never smoked again since that day. That was nine years ago.