then what....

[lil.michelle]

Hi all.
I'm 3 weeks sober tomorrow feeling strong, very confident, healthy and happy. The only thing concerning me is that i feel i'm counting the days to something like a holiday but nothing will happen when that day comes. My question is what happens when i get there... I'm aiming for 30 days min but 60 days is my goal. I'm just worried i'll get to it and twiddle my thumbs thinking now what... This happened last time i did 30 days without the help from antabuse so i drank and started again. I know after 30 days you're meant to be able to see clearly and make plans but i never found that so i'm thinking if people give me advice from there own experiences of what they did next that would help me plan...
do you get me *lol*?

[one2many]

then what....

I posted this a while back, I felt the very same as you in the early days when I gace up at first....I now see AF as a way of life and not just "a thing that I am doing!"




It seems to be a commen theme this week on the boards about feeling let down or unfulfilled by your new AF life...I posted this on another thread but am putting in here too, just to let you all know that you are not alone and this feeling is very normal and happens to us all.



When I ditched the booze....

My life would change....

I would become happier, more confident, everything would slot into place, my troubles would be over, I would be on easy street, Nothing would worry me or upset me, life would be a piece of cake, my brain would work differently, I would be happy all the time, I would no longer have depression or sad thoughts, I would have a wonderful life, people would applaud me, fanfares would sound and angels would sing..

NOTHING prepared me for the brutal reality that this wasn't the case.
I felt cheated and disappointed and somewhat angry that I had put in all the work to kick booze and I didn't feel any different, my life was NOT any better, and yes I wondered why I even bothered...what was the bloody point..you were meant to feel better..right?? It was meant to get better? Life was meant to change.....

It didn't except for...

My clear head in the mornings and the feel of clarity on waking...

No hangovers, headaches and sick tummy..

No flashbacks of things said and done and no cringe factor upon remembering.

The bedtime stories now told lovingly to my children instead of the excuses as to why I couldnt read them as I had to go and relax with first drink of the evening.

The money I have saved by not buying alcohol and smokes.

The compliments I have received telling me how well I look.

The feeling of freedom knowing that alcohol has no hold over me, I have broken free of its power and I am living independant of it.

The problems that are there are now being dealt with and not swept under the carpet in a drunken haze.

The little pieces of me that emerge day to day...new pieces of my personality that have been stifled by alcohol.

The feeling of LIVING and not just drifting along from day to day doing the same old thing and expecting different results.

The feeling of acomplishment, and getting to like myself again ( I am not at the loving myself bit yet but still working on it, we are all a work in progress)

The knowledge that, although I felt like a fish out of water the first few times I went out socially, it is slowly but surely getting much better and easier to handle and when I look around and see some of the antics going on , I feel blessed that I have made the decision not to be the ringleader any more.

The chance to FEEL........I mean really feel...all my emotions...without the crippling distorted illusion of alcohol..I can identify my feelings and deal with them accordingly.

And finally the realisation that my problems are still there, money worries still present, sadness, fear and confusion are with me on a regular basis...BUT I can deal with them now...feel them, understand them and know why I am feeling this way..instead of burying them or intensifying them with the help of alcohol.

In conclusion....life is not all sweetness and light, not the perfect world I did expect it to be..but it is a Utopia in comparison to the one I was existing in and for that I will be eternally grateful.

Oney x

[madmans]

then what....

great post one two many was thinking on the same lines of michelle

[rubywillow]

then what....

It's never about getting the numbers under our belt. It's about dealing with the rest of our lives. (Sorry, I don't count!) We have to figure out how to live our life without leaning on a substance that will eventually take over every thing we are. Or balancing everything that's wrong with everyone else's transgressions. WE have to look at ME.
Lil, you're doing a great job coming back over and over to get help.

[choice]

then what....

This is a really good thread because I think a lot of people wonder about it. I know I did, and still do wonder each time I hit a goal. "Now what?" Do I yell in a happy voice down the street, "Hey world I'm 90 days AF". This wouldn't even make since to the general public and I know I didn't know what "AF" stood for when I first found MWO. I've even told some of my support group outside of MWO that I'm 90 days AF and they wonder why I get proud of myself for reaching these milestones. It's like the decision not to drink is just solved by simply not drinking. It is far from simple, at least for me and probably most people in this forum or they wouldn't be here lurking, reading and posting. When I reached 90 it helped to reflect on how I was when I started to see how far I'd come. The change was gradual, but very dramatic when I consider the few years leading up to my last hangover.

These thoughts came to me about a week ago: I don't remember when I was a child having a party every weekend for going to school and doing my homework. I didn't get to "let loose" after a pop quiz or a bad grade. There wasn't a "parade" for me when I got a good grade or scored a goal in sports. Each evening reached a certain time no madder what the days events were and I had to go to bed so I could function for the next day. I was healthy, and I didn't feel denied. I have come to realize sober living doesn't have as much celebrating. The rewards are much different. More honest, whole, real, stable, subtle, calm, and peaceful. Mostly so subtle it's easy to almost take for granted. I try not to. :h

[one2many]

then what....

So have you no idea how long sober you have Ruby??

[hillsidetime]

then what....

Hi l.M, I can very much relate to your post. Everyone is different, but the counting does help some of us have something concrete to reflect on, and be proud of, and find encouragement from. Ruby makes a good point about having to deal with the rest of our lives, however for me, that could not happen in the early weeks.

The early weeks was battle to stay sober, to change long standing habits, to fight the anxiety about social occasions, to simply put some sober time in. The changes in my brain, my physiology, my moods etc, were happening in those months. I found it took me 6 months until I could really feel normal, and able to reflect on my life with perpective.

Lil M, I voiced the same thing, one weekend, on the forum. I felt like I had worked so hard, and there was not test that I could ace, not party to celebrate, just another day. Whether its 10 days or 30 days, it is a great step. The feeling that you are seeking, of something more, it might just take more time of sobriety to achieve. Or, you may need to log more time of reflection on your life, positive decisions and lifestyle changes while sober, to gain some of the feeling you are looking for.

All the best, and hold fast.
Hill

[Choochie]

then what....

Excellent reflections here folks. I almost missed this thread -- thanks for posting everyone!!

I hear what you're saying, Michelle - the sky doesn't open up, but there is an inner peace and sense of accomplishment for me. Somehow, counting those days is a steady reaffirmation of my goal, and I'm really proud of it. You should be too - you're changing your life and being a better parent for your kids - that's a LOT!!

[Doggygirl]

then what....

The challenge that I felt I was facing was that a "lifetime" AF seemed completely out of reach and impossible, but "one day at a time" felt like "well, I'll start tomorrow." The mental game is tricky and we each have to figure out what works for us. (i.e. counting or not counting, how we set our goals, etc.) It is evident that something different might work for you than works for me.

With that as a backdrop, here is my observation.

For me - if I established a goal of being AF for 60 days, but for a minimum of 30 days, then I have given myself permission to drink. I guarantee I would drink between 30 and 60 days. And if that's where the holiday party fell, that's probably when I would do it. I really have learned to focus on staying sober TODAY.

Just some food for thought. This whole mind game might be very different for you than it is for me.

One thing is for sure - if I can stay AF, and all these other people around here can stay AF, then I know you can do it too.

Strength and hope,

DG

[gyco]

then what....

such knowledge

one2many;1008850 wrote: I posted this a while back, I felt the very same as you in the early days when I gace up at first....I now see AF as a way of life and not just "a thing that I am doing!"




It seems to be a commen theme this week on the boards about feeling let down or unfulfilled by your new AF life...I posted this on another thread but am putting in here too, just to let you all know that you are not alone and this feeling is very normal and happens to us all.



When I ditched the booze....

My life would change....

I would become happier, more confident, everything would slot into place, my troubles would be over, I would be on easy street, Nothing would worry me or upset me, life would be a piece of cake, my brain would work differently, I would be happy all the time, I would no longer have depression or sad thoughts, I would have a wonderful life, people would applaud me, fanfares would sound and angels would sing..

NOTHING prepared me for the brutal reality that this wasn't the case.
I felt cheated and disappointed and somewhat angry that I had put in all the work to kick booze and I didn't feel any different, my life was NOT any better, and yes I wondered why I even bothered...what was the bloody point..you were meant to feel better..right?? It was meant to get better? Life was meant to change.....

It didn't except for...

My clear head in the mornings and the feel of clarity on waking...

No hangovers, headaches and sick tummy..

No flashbacks of things said and done and no cringe factor upon remembering.

The bedtime stories now told lovingly to my children instead of the excuses as to why I couldnt read them as I had to go and relax with first drink of the evening.

The money I have saved by not buying alcohol and smokes.

The compliments I have received telling me how well I look.

The feeling of freedom knowing that alcohol has no hold over me, I have broken free of its power and I am living independant of it.

The problems that are there are now being dealt with and not swept under the carpet in a drunken haze.

The little pieces of me that emerge day to day...new pieces of my personality that have been stifled by alcohol.

The feeling of LIVING and not just drifting along from day to day doing the same old thing and expecting different results.

The feeling of acomplishment, and getting to like myself again ( I am not at the loving myself bit yet but still working on it, we are all a work in progress)

The knowledge that, although I felt like a fish out of water the first few times I went out socially, it is slowly but surely getting much better and easier to handle and when I look around and see some of the antics going on , I feel blessed that I have made the decision not to be the ringleader any more.

The chance to FEEL........I mean really feel...all my emotions...without the crippling distorted illusion of alcohol..I can identify my feelings and deal with them accordingly.

And finally the realisation that my problems are still there, money worries still present, sadness, fear and confusion are with me on a regular basis...BUT I can deal with them now...feel them, understand them and know why I am feeling this way..instead of burying them or intensifying them with the help of alcohol.

In conclusion....life is not all sweetness and light, not the perfect world I did expect it to be..but it is a Utopia in comparison to the one I was existing in and for that I will be eternally grateful.

Oney x

wow,:goodjobnester you amaze me,could someone say more,:thanks:sobriety is how bad you want it,i have been there many times years at end,:upset::upset:i use to shed tears ,not for me,cause i no i can STOP,but the great o;d question,its not if you can stop,its if you can stay stopped,and again how badly you want it ? sobriety is in the eye of the beholder ? are we any less addicted to this site,as to to drug or alchohol addiction.which one would you choose gyco

[Sunnyvalenting]

then what....

For me it is a huge RELIEF to know that I never have to drink again. It is like I no longer am under a life sentence and am "free to move around the world". Since you did ask for advice I would advise a commitment to lifelong abstinence. I know that flies in the face of ODAAT but each of us is different and I, for one, don't want to worry about today, tomorrow or next week, month or year. I want to know that if I make a plan or commitment it will not be undermined by the demon booze. I used to be afraid to make commitments, now I am not. But the first commitment is to myself: lifelong abstinence.
All the best,
Sunny

[mama bear]

then what....

I think it gets easier to think about FOREVER the longer you are abstinent. As more times pass, the cravings lessen and the thoughts are further apart. They can still hit me upside the head, but I like to hang on the something I read here....A Craving won't Kill you!!

[Choochie]

then what....

Sunny, I am starting to be able to see myself as a nondrinker - committed to the rest of my life being sober. I love this feeling - it works for me. I don't feel like I'm white-nuckling it, if you know what I mean. I feel free of a burden that I don't want to compromise! I don't feel the need to think ODAT.