A little venting

[red67]

I have been doing great since I stopped drinking. My last drink was March 17th and with this website, smart recovery and a lot of work I am doing awesome. Lately I have felt lonely because I don't have any real life friends and I really want to start living again and do stuff. So after a lonely weekend I decided that I was going to sign up for classes and go back to AA. I want to meet people who are sober and can relate to this journey. Well, this meeting did not go well. When we broke off into the group discussions I listened respectfully as each person spoke. Once it was my turn, I explained my drinking history and how I tried to stop for 4 years and how I finally did it. Well, they proceeded to tell me I could not stay sober without AA and working the steps and getting a sponsor. They also told me that if I don't do that, I will go back to drinking and lose everything. I tried to explain what I was doing to stay sober and that I wanted to incorporate new things like AA into the mix. They proceeded to tell me that AA is the only way to stay sober. I am a very calm and easy going person and try to be open to suggestions, because I do know that I certainly am no expert. The attitude from them so turned me off to AA that I am not sure I am going to try this again. I am 1000% committed to staying sober and this experience will not spoil that for me. I do know that there are lots of meetings and maybe there are different ones that would not be this way, but I don't know that I want to go thru that again.

I am so proud of how far I've come and I truly believe that recovery is diferrent for everyone. I would love to support other people in their recovery however they are working on it and I expect the same.

I don't mean at all to discourage anyone from AA because there are people who are truly helped by it.

I just needed to vent a little because after the meeting I really felt angry and I needed to let it out. One thing I have learned since I have been sober is that I have to feel my feelings and work thru them instead of stuffing them inside.

And I decided that tomorrow I am signing up for group golf lesssons. I will do whatever I have to in order to start living again and make friends and stay in recovery.

Also, I want to add that you guys are awesome and are a huge part of how I quit and stay sober. I read here everyday to stay focused.

[rubywillow]

A little venting

Red, there are SO many different groups, all with a different focus. Obviously, that wasn't for you. Keep up what you know is working. Keep listening, learning. There ARE good groups out there, and maybe you'll find one. Till then, keep working YOUR plan.

[hart]

A little venting

Another thing u might like besides classes is volunteering. I really enjoyed working for the crisis line. But there are all sorts of things to do at all sorts of different times, weekends, at nite, once a week once every two weeks, etc. Teaching reading, big brother big sister, etc. something to thing about.



I haven't gone to AA, but I know what you mean about an organization turning you off.

After I got divorced (Ive since remarried) I went to a divorce group and they kept focussing on needing help from the Lord. Now I am not an Atheist. But I was not seeking a group that was religious based, more about a group sharing similar stories and how they coped- Like MWO.

We are all individuals, different backgrounds, experiences, personalities, etc. I try and be open and listen to others, but when someone starts telling me there is one way to do something and they know the one and only way I start losing my hearing.

Stick to what works for you. If you don't you will lose your way.

You are doing great!!!:goodjob:

[red67]

A little venting

Thanks Ruby, I know you are right it just felt like I was being attacked. I was so excited to go to this meeting and once it was done I felt deflated. I just wish each meeting would come with a description. Most likely I will try other meetings because I do believe it does have its place in my recovery. Til then I will work on adding new activities in my life.

[red67]

A little venting

Thank Hart, that's what I love about this website. This is our way out and whatever works is what you should do. We are not clones and each person will need something different, but in the end the goal is the same, stop drinking.

[aspman]

A little venting

I get where you are comming from red.
The first time i went to AA, i had over a year sober.
they were nice and GOT all the things i shared as the people who love me at home can never hope to understand the thought/feelings i go through.
Then i mentioned this place, and the fact that i used campril to healp ease out the bumps in the first 6 months, talk about a change of tack. 'that wont work, theirs no magic pill', things like that.
I still go sometimes, but you need to realize AA is full of people who have simalar problems as you, they feel they have the answer, so i get what they are trying to say, even though i dont agree.

BTW, i contacted a SMART group in my area, they will call me back when the meetings re start.

[choice]

A little venting

Hi Red,
I can totally understand your need to vent. I'm going through a similar thing where I just want to find people in the real world who are like you say, sober and relate to this journey. I have played with the idea of going to AA for this purpose many times. Good for you on going! I think that is really cool. At least you put yourself out there. I think we need to try lots of things on this path and it's just going to take patience and time before we find new friends. At least I hope Since I've stopped drinking my standards are higher. I can't help it. I can totally understand your disappointment in the meeting you went to. While it sounds like the members were just trying to help, it doesn't sound like they were listening to you and that always feels bad. For me, it's a challenging time socially at the moment. I feel like my not drinking is being more accepted by my drinking friends and have ditched the ones who just don't get it... (mainly because I find them so annoying and just don't have anything in common anymore.) I want to meet new sober people I'm hesitant to go to AA for the reasons your venting. I think group golf lessons sound fun! I hope you enjoy yourself. Way to go!! It's so positive.
Best, Choice

[red67]

A little venting

Hi aspman, that is definitely why I think AA will help. No one really understands what I go thru and I know the people in AA get that. Now that I quit drinking people think I don't have a problem anymore. I tried to explain to my roommate that I was going to an AA meeting and he said why do you need that you already quit drinking. So I am willing to give it another go because I need sober people in my life who get this. Next time though if I feel they are not receptive I will keep quiet and find another meeting til I find the right one.

Good for you on calling Smart, they really do have a great program that empowers you. I really like the behavior approach. For me it finally gave me the tools to stop drinking. Your mind/thinking is a huge part in recovery. If I didnt realize I had the power to make the changes I don't know if I could have done it. When I started Smart, I felt liking I had training wheels on when trying to quit drinking. Very soon after starting I was able to quit and feel confident about it. My Smart group is small and only meets once a week, if it were larger and/or more frequent I don't think I would even try to find other meetings.

Let me know how it goes.

[red67]

A little venting

Hi Choice, I totally get the higher standards thing. Now that I have quit drinking I really want to improve so many things in my life. I have little patience with people who are OK with the status quo. I feel like I am being judgemental when I say that, but life is too short to stay stuck. I want to grow and change and I want to be around other people who want that also. Thanks for understanding and responding. This is why I love this place, you guys/gals get this.

[Barbara1234]

A little venting

Hi Red,

I think you are very brave to explore as much as you are. I am really proud of you. There are as many different ways to quit drinking as there are people trying to quit. No two of us are the same, and we are all trying to find what works best for us.
I have never been comfortable being around someone who tries to tell me what to do. I don't know anything about AA. Maybe it was just that particular group.
I am doing fine here with MWO. I love all the people, the books, and the CD's. I have never felt better in my life. I can tell you that I will do what it takes to stay sober. I have been searching for the right thing for many years, and this group is my start. I too have a lot of growing to do, and searching, and I will continue as you are in finding what fits. I know you will be successful, and you are the only one who knows what is right for you. So just keep on being true to yourself.

[KateH1]

A little venting

Hi Red,
Kudos to you for reaching out for new opportunities and meeting new people!! As for AA, I have had my own experiences and I have heard and read the experiences of many others. It does seem like each group has their own culture within the AA structure. I did not find sobriety within AA, but I did find my sobriety through MWO as my foundation. Throughout my sobriety, I have also reached out to other opportunities for personal growth as well as my new lifestyle.

I agree with others here who have said that there are many roads to sobriety. As long as we are completely honest with ourselves, and we accept full responsibility for our choices and completely comitt
to making the changes that are neccessary, we will succeed. And....you are succeeding quite nicely!

I would like to mention a book that I read and applied during my first year of sobriety that helped me enormously, it is called "The Sedona Method". You might enjoy taking a look at this.

Best Wishes on Your Continued Sobriety, Growth and Happiness!
Kate

[red67]

A little venting

Thanks Barbara, I really appreciate your advice. I have decided to try a women for sobriety group that meets near here on Mondays nights. I am really excited to try this group. From what I have read they are also more about changing how you think and feel instead of powerlessness and steps. I really respond better to tangible changes I can make in my life. So now I have smart recovery on Sunday, women for sobriety on Monday and golf lessons on Wednesday. I am very excited about these new changes and if this doesn't feel right I will try other choices. My whole approach is no drinking no matter what, find something else anything else. Pretty soon all those something else's will fill my new life.

[red67]

A little venting

Thanks Kate, I do love to read and I will definitely find that book. I am amazed how easy has been to reprogram my thinking, and reading the posts here, books and other materials I have accumulated over the years of trying to quit keeps me focused. To me it is an essential part of staying sober. If I didn't make it part of my everyday life I think I would lose the desire to stay sober. The drinking thoughts still pop in my head but I am quick to recognize them and shut them down by redirecting my thinking. I feel like a fighter sometimes constantly blocking the punches but its getting much easier.