A confession

[Tipplerette]

A confession

Dave, you really have a lot of wisdom to share. I really loved reading your first response and this one too is stuff of psychologists; great ones at that!! Keep sharing your advice and you will change a lot of people's self-perception and that, in a nutshell, is the key to recovery.

Good luck ATLThrash, you will beat the demon. Keep coming back when you flounder. I know it's easier said than done. Just tell yourself that you eventually will come back so why not NOW. Don't put it off; all it does is prolong the struggle.

Take care

Tips

[Georgie]

A confession

You are not a bad person

You are not a bad person. Unfortunately you can not change other people (your mom). I too have cut off an abusive family and once you overcome the guilt that you couldn't fix them or how they treated you, you will feel better. Just tell yourself that you will always love her, just only from a distance. Send her positive energy and prayers from afar. You will then find peace and once that happens, who knows ?? Maybe you will not even want to drink at all. Stay strong!

[hadit]

A confession

ATL Thrash, I could have written your post. I to have wondered what is the point of it all. Daves post really hit home the need to keep in touch with MWO. I guess I have had some success in drinking only W/E,s I used to drink everday. I know I have a long way to go and are desperate for help. Thanku for posting keep close and maybe oneday we will all be free:thanks:

[Bean]

A confession

ATL - i hear you loud and clear. Totally in the same boat myself right now. I too have done well in the past so am not taking my latest lapse as total failure but...finding it really hard to get back on the AF horse. Just don't seem to have any motivation right now although don't want to make myself really sick again before I decide enough's enough.

Sometimes I just find the whole thing so f&*^ing boring and tedious and get so frustrated by all the mental and physical energy it consumes. Apologies not to have any wise words for you, just wanted to say that I felt a great sense of relief to read your post today - to realize I am not the only one who hates to post when things aren't going so well. Trying to accept that this is a process and sometimes it is easy and sometimes it is really really hard.

Good for you having the courage to speak your mind and tell us how it is for you right now.
Bean

[ATLThrash]

A confession

Thanks all. I did not drink today and it is amazing how much better I feel tonight compared with the last several. I know though that I have to be vigilant-- it is when things aren't in the tank-- like after several days that the bad seems to fade and the alcohol witch comes knocking. I have a great many goals I want to accomplish-- things that I used to find easy or at least not so insurmountable in the past. As dumb as it seems I think I must have gone through every permutation and combination to determine why things were not working for me with the goals. At times I blamed post partum depression, then isolation with a small child, etc. I now realize that in truth that though those things were tough and real to be sure, that I overcame the post partum and alot of the isolation caused solely by having a small child-- and that the ONLY common denomiator that is different for me now versus when I was a goal setter and achiever is my drinking behavior. I am not saying at all that I think things will magically be awesome once that bottle is gone for good-- I have gotten myself physically in a bit of a weight pickle with the added calories and crap food that comes with booze and that won't be gone overnight. But I just have to think that if I can just make this stick I will feel an accomplishment and that might lead to some momentum in other areas. Since after a lomng process of elimnation an lsit making I saw that alcohol is the only big difference between now and a few years ago-- well, it isn't rocket science to see that it just needs to be gone. Thanks for the help guys. I did not know where to go today and I was so low. To get out of my head and into ths forum was a huge help.

[Doggygirl]

A confession

Fabulous moment of clarity there ALT. It took me a lot of years to finally figure out that booze was the one thing holding me back. The truth will set you free! (well, the truth and some hard work...)

Have a good Sunday,

DG

[Jordan]

A confession

So many great posts. My hubby wasn't an enabler as he told me I was okay, he would wag the finger and remind me not to drink too much, (like you I was always sneaking in extras) but as he drank a lot I would just get mad at him--not that I was in denial about my drinking, just "hey, who are you to point fingers".

Anyway, I have lots of reasons to drink, problem kid, crazy mom, depression, anxiety. My first week AF was rough--all sorts of things going on at home, one of those "why did I pick this week to stop", but I realized the problems are better faced sober instead of trying to drink them away--'cause you know, that never made them go away, it just made me feel guilty for drinking too much.

Bonus for quitting--the weight is melting slowly but surely. I posted this before, but I went AF years ago and lost so much weight my mother thought I was terminally ill. I've been hating the wine-weight, and it felt so good going to a party last night skinnier than I'd been in a long time and have people (who were boozing it up) notice.

I thing the best thing you can do is reread Dave's post every day--it's a keeper. And Bean, love this because it's so true: I'd rather be an ex-drinker with an occasional desire to drink than a drinker with a CONSTANT desire to stop doing it.