Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

[mumofsix]

and sick and tired of constantly being back to DAY ONE - round and round in circles I keep going. Yesterday started off fine - I went for a 22k run (13 miles or so) felt great recharged,strong and healthy. Running for me is such a passion, having completed two full marathons and a half marathon in 8 weeks. I love the training and the runners high but then I love the alcohol high!.Then I go and screw it up by drinking two bottles of wine last night which generally happens 3 times a week. I feel so useless today and back to Day One .... again! Arrrgh! I am now ready to admit - I'm an alcoholic.

[Geekteeth]

Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

Hey I hope you are feeling better. If you need talk you know where I am

[mumofsix]

Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

Thank you very much - I feel like shit but thats okay, just need to get through today and then tomorrow and then the next day. I hate who I am at the moment.

[rubywillow]

Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

Mum6, you haven't forgotten how to start over. And I can hear that you want to. One day, it WILL take. Think about 2 things: why do you drink, and why do you want to stop. And listen to your answers, hon.

[Doggygirl]

Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

mumofsix;1153051 wrote: Arrrgh! I am now ready to admit - I'm an alcoholic.

When I finally reached that point in my own journey - I mean REALLY reached it - where I fully, 100% knew to the core of my being that I am an alcoholic, and therefore I cannot drink safely, it was a real turning point. Things started getting a little easier once I was ready to accept the truth. Very freeing actually.

I hope that really accepting the truth is the key to your freedom too. I can't even imagine how much you will enjoy running when you are free of this ball and chain of AL.

DG

[WineSucks]

Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

Mum - You can do this....hell, if you can run 13 miles, you definately can do this! I have a thread called "All I want is 30 days AF"......feel free to join us...there is lots of love and support on the thread.

I agree with Doggy.....I had to come to that realization myself. I am an alcoholic....so now what am I going to do about it? I took some good advice (thanks DG) and I have looked into several programs. I haven't invested in the MWO book yet but I have been doing the Women for Sobriety program for the past couple of days. It really makes me think about what I'm doing.

Best of Luck!

WS

[mumofsix]

Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

Thanks everyone - I'm sat here in tears - I get so angry with myself, I have just been over to Aussie to run the marathon - which I did 26.2 miles - I ran the whole darn thing yet cant cope with this. I hate myself today. I am so worried about putting on weight after losing 35kgs 5 years ago I really dont want to go back there either with all the excess calories.

[WineSucks]

Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

Take the anger and turn it into something good. Fight this battle and don't give up....you can do this!!!! Yesterday doesn't matter.....i'ts about what you are going to do, not what you did. I believe every relapse is one step closer to sobriety for those of us who really want it. I think you really want this and you will have it. Channel your energy toward your sobriety, not beating yourself up. You are a beautiful, lovely person with 6 children who adore there Mom....how many Mom's with 6 kids can run 13 miles? You are stronger than you think!

[mumofsix]

Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

Thanks winesucks - PS your AF date is my wedding anniversary - we just celebrated 24 years! So there you go, we share a special date! I feel so scared! like I'm running out of second chances before my body packs up!

[cmhguy3]

Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

Tomorrow is a new day and another day for us both to work on our resolve!
Guy
Day 1 also
:-)

[mumofsix]

Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

cmhguy3;1153123 wrote: Tomorrow is a new day and another day for us both to work on our resolve!
Guy
Day 1 also
:-)

Hey Guy - your Day One is NEARLY done my friend, congratulations and well done! Mine has a few hours to go yet - its only 4.15pm here BUT it is Tuesday so tomorrow you'll be on Tuesday! How cool is that - I'll be on Wednesday and tomorrow is my sons 15th Birthday. I am proud of you well done. Kia Kaha (stay strong in Maori)

[panadol]

Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

Kia Ora Mumma
Don't beat yourself up. I would love to be able to run like you do.
Awesome achievement! Use the self esteem that you get from
running and have the confidence to know that you can beat this.
Can you find some other reward that doesn't involve alcohol?
Maybe be kind to yourself and have a good massage after all that
work running. You are inspiring! Kapai!
Panny

[Queenbug]

Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

Kia Kaha Mum6...just saw you on another thread and said hi...
You sound extremeley strong...there is fantastic support and care here, stay close.
I'm on a total 'I hate myself' ride today (Tuesday 9.02 am uk time) so if you can't shake it, how about we try and run so hard today we kick that feeling's arse?!
My experience here has shown me that when I get into my usual self loathing cycle, if I stay close to this site I can get past it...previously I'd hide myself away in several bottles of red, then feel too ashamed to come back for ages. Today is a crap day and I'm struggling to fight the need for a drink moment by moment...am on holiday from work....so I will be here for a while if you need a natter...
Keep on running Ma!
xx

[mumofsix]

Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

panadol;1153163 wrote: Kia Ora Mumma
Don't beat yourself up. I would love to be able to run like you do.
Awesome achievement! Use the self esteem that you get from
running and have the confidence to know that you can beat this.
Can you find some other reward that doesn't involve alcohol?
Maybe be kind to yourself and have a good massage after all that
work running. You are inspiring! Kapai!
Panny

Kia Ora Panny - A fellow Kiwi, thankyou for the lovely message, how you enjoying the cold weather - its friggin freezing here and my runs are invigorating to say the least. PS As for the running mate its not that huge acheivement - you just go abit longer and abit longer and abit longer till you build up the distance - wish I could say that about my resolve to stay on the wagon eh mate

[mumofsix]

Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

Queenbug;1153178 wrote: Kia Kaha Mum6...just saw you on another thread and said hi...
You sound extremeley strong...there is fantastic support and care here, stay close.
I'm on a total 'I hate myself' ride today (Tuesday 9.02 am uk time) so if you can't shake it, how about we try and run so hard today we kick that feeling's arse?!
My experience here has shown me that when I get into my usual self loathing cycle, if I stay close to this site I can get past it...previously I'd hide myself away in several bottles of red, then feel too ashamed to come back for ages. Today is a crap day and I'm struggling to fight the need for a drink moment by moment...am on holiday from work....so I will be here for a while if you need a natter...
Keep on running Ma!
xx

Hey Queenbug - your in summer too in the UK eh! Just the right time to sit down with alcohol but I dont want the shame cycle anymore - please dont be on a "hate" yourself cycle - we are all trying to do the best we can with the tools we have. Its a real struggle this addiction cycle. I am so glad that I gave up the ciggies 5 years ago. I certainlly dont miss them anymore - hopefully this will be the same when the addiction is broken. I only have three more Half marathons coming up then off to run the New York Marathon in November so have time to kick this before going to the states. I told my kids today that I wanted to give up alcohol so the intention has been publicly told.