Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

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Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

He also says 'never say, I can't have a drink when you know full well that you can pick one up if you want to. There's nothing stopping you. You can inject yourself with heroin too. You just do not want to. You do not want to be a slave to alcohol anymore so don't torture yourself by saying can't.'

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Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

I know i cant drink moderately. AL runs in the family its as simple as that. I would like to drink in moderation but i know i cant. Cant cant cant. At the moment it does not worry me, what worries me is this bloody 75th birthday. lol. My children can go out and have a couple of drinks and they are happy, one of them does not even drink. yet me, the fish, drinks for them and for me. Its either all or nothing for this black duck and nothing is extremely appealing.

[looking for peace]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

Supercrew, I think you put my feelings about my frustration with the Easy Way/ Jason Vale method into words best when you stated......

"It is real easy to say alcohol is poison, but most people know they won't die if they have a little, and they probably won't die the next time they drink, so it isn't a successful method for someone who wants instant gratification and who know odds are they aren't going to die with a couple shots of poison."

I think I get every other point in the books. Even Vale and Carr say that you get a temporary perceived relief when you take that first shot after abstaining all day, but it's all illusory. You explained the poison thing quite well. Well, that temporary perceived relief at the moment is enough for me to at least have to still use willpower to abstain.

How does one get past instant gratification (even if it's for a hit of poison) and look at the bigger picture?

[Doggygirl]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

looking for peace;1207939 wrote: How does one get past instant gratification (even if it's for a hit of poison) and look at the bigger picture?

I have had to find gratification from other things. It was NOT easy at first - not easy at all. I just had to get busy though as it was too difficult for me to just sit still with my cravings for my Instant Relief in a Bottle.

On the SMART Recovery site they have an interesting exercise. You take a piece of notebook size paper and put a line up and down in the middle, and across in the middle so you end up with 4 quadrants. In the quadrants list the following:

* Benefits (positives) of drinking alcohol
* Costs (negatives) of drinking alcohol
* Benefits (positives) of NOT drinking alcohol
* Costs (negatives) of NOT drinking alcohol

At first it was hard for me to be really honest. I didn't want to admit that despite the problems I was experiencing as a result of drinking, there WERE postitives from my perspective. I kept getting this exercise out of the drawer, and putting it back. After several days of getting more honest and writing down more things, I had a pretty good picture of where I really was with alcohol. Then it was a matter of figuring out where I really wanted to go with it. Were the benefits worth the costs? Were some of my percieved benefits of NOT drinking outweighing some of the benefits of drinking?

I don't know if this will help. But if you really believe strongly in the benefits you get from drinking, and don't buy the down side (or are not experiencing any down side) then why quit?

DG

[Doggygirl]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

Oh - I should also add that logic alone wasn't enough for me. Just *knowing* how bad alcohol is on my body, the problems it was causing in my life, etc. wasn't enough to magically make me stop. So if you are not magically stopping based on logical knowledge, you are not alone.

DG

[Supercrew]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

How does one get past instant gratification (even if it's for a hit of poison) and look at the bigger picture?

LFP, I have to say that your question puzzled me for years. I was fortunate/unfortunate, (depending on how you look at it), enough to blow a circuit by over drinking. I got to the point that I could never get a buzz, and every drinking episode took me to a very risky detox that scared the hell out of me. Basically I abused alcohol in my final year or two to the point that all I got was a negative. To steal from a song, "I get no kick from champagne, pure alcohol doesn't thrill me at all".

I drank so much of the thing that I loved the most that I screwed myself out of ever being able to enjoy another drink again.....or at least I made my mind believe that.

For me to accept this I needed to do a couple of things. The first thing I did was I made an effort every day to accept and love sobriety. (I know this sounds hokey) I still wake up every morning and appreciate the fact that I am sober. I used to promise myself every morning in the first couple of months that "I was not going to drink today no matter what". I might drink tomorrow or next week, but I promised myself that for today I was not going to drink. Then I would workout and I would come to a recovery forum and check in. If I got the urge I would come back to the forum or I would read or I would take a nap. I also looked into other areas of self improvement for my life either through physical fitness, books, or the internet. Then I would normally go to bed fairly early and happy that I accomplished my goal of not drinking for the day. Then I would wake up and do it all over again. After about 60-80 days the only time drinking really came to my mind was when I was checking out alcohol recovery forums.

If you drink everyday or regularly, until you get 30-60 days under your belt you will not break that habitual voice in your head that says, "a couple drinks won't hurt".

I wish I could tell you there is an easier way, but for anyone who has a bad alcohol habit or any bad habit for that matter, it does take some will power and a reason to quit if you still believe you love that detrimental habit. I was telling someone else the other day that I still have bad days where I get depressed, or things don't go my way, but I realized that drinking never really fixed that for me anyways.

What I have been able to do is learn to live my life for personal betterment and self improvement and I try to enjoy each sober moment....especially with my family and friends.....the big picture.

I hope that helps a little, the more sober time I get the harder it is for me to remember how hard it was when I was starting out. I mean the simplest advice is also the hardest to really get when you are still fighting the battle daily, but I will say it again for anyone who will listen. DON'T LET DRINKING BE AN OPTION IN YOUR LIFE. Tell yourself you want to be sober and believe it and stick with it. I will honestly say it was the greatest decision I ever made in my life! I wish I would have decided to quit drinking 20 years ago, because I would be happier, healthier and richer than I am now. But it is never too late to start now. It doesn't even have to be forever, just stop for 60 days and then make a month to month decision. If you have problems with alcohol it will be the best decision you ever make!

[Doggygirl]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

I like your whole post Supercrew. I can certainly relate to it - that's how it was for me too. I think a lot of AFers around here would agree. (and hopefully they will see your post!)

I had to reach a point where I wanted sobriety MORE than I wanted to drink. It took me awhile to get there.

DG

[looking for peace]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

Thank you Supercrew and DG for your very thoughtful and wise posts. I will go back to them repeatedly. DG, I did take your advice and write down the positives and negatives of drinking and not drinking. I will review the list (even though the easy way method says looking at negatives of drinking doesn't help because we drink for our perceived positives and the negatives only make us more scared and anxious , leading us to drink more)

I think when thoughts of wanting a drink because of boredom, stress, etc come up, I will go over to myself that the idea they will be relieved by drinking has been something we all have been brainwashed to think..... Drinking causes all of those uneasy feelings in the first place and only makes everything way worse. I'll go over the list of positives and negatives and go over this website. When looking at the negatives, I will remind myself that the list of negatives will keep getting longer and more serious if I cave in and have even one drink. The list of positives will actually become reality instead of a dream if I stay sober.

Thanks for your wisdom. Peace

[Supercrew]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

LFP, I like the list idea, but there are no positives to drinking if you are a problem drinker. It is all your perception. Our society romanticizes drinking so much that they make you believe that having a few drinks next to the fire or out on a patio on a beach is what drinking is all about. My reality was I would end up falling in the fire or off the patio!

You get what you focus on, so don't focus on "I can't drink", focus on the joys and benefits of being sober. As much as I used to like painting drinking in a positive light and I felt I was missing out when I wasn't drinking, the reality is you arent missing out on anything, and drinking screws up your perception of it. I decided I wanted to stand for something and not be wishy washy. I now stand for sobriety and I love it, and people respect it. It has changed my life.

[windy]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

Great posts DG, Supercrew and Looking for Peace...

What really got me to finally quit was serious reflection and gritty honesty that alcohol possesses no positives for me what so ever. It took a while to truly realize that. Towards the end of my drinking career I did my share of self experiments.....I would stop myself in the middle of drinking a bottle of wine and honestly say to myself "Now.... is this a good buzz". The answer was no. I remember towards the end even getting discusted with my self before I woke up, because the relationship was doomed, and I knew it was a one sided affair. Even the effects I thought I enjoyed, I truly was not.

[Tipplerette]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

Hi everyone, after touting the Jason Vale book (and still believing in it to the point where I am looking for a hard copy for my son (live in Canada)) I have to say that I have been slipping up on a regular basis. There ARE no positive benefits to the damn stuff. It doesn't even taste good for Gawd sake. Why, then, did I decide one bright evening to have a glass of wine with dinner? I have lost faith in my ability to follow through with anything I set my mind to. The absolute problem for me is the same as LFP. I make a gourmet meal or sit down at a nice restaurant and it just seems that I deserve a glass or two of wine. In a normal person, that is not a bad idea; the problem with me is that I, then, proceed to follow the same practice 6 nights out of seven; again not getting bombed but pouring enough poison into my body that I feel it both physically and emotionally upon wakening.

This has to STOP !!!

LFP we've communicated before and are in the same boat. I PM'd you and would like to, yet again, attack this beast. Maybe together we can beat our need for immediate gratification.

[Unwasted]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

Tipps, the same thing happened to me and I am now committing to AF - I just don't like alcohol anymore and it is always at least some kind of control issue. It just wrecks my sleep, so I'm joining you guys again.

The Vale book is poignant, but it's keeping the thoughts in our heads. I have decided I need something more concrete, so I'm learning meditation. I am determined to be AF even though I've been what would be described as successfully moderating.

Day 1 for me!

[Tipplerette]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

Oh hello UnWasted, did you get the tattoo? If not, maybe we should have??? I had my appointment but then my Dad had emergency surgery and all hell broke loose. Like you, my drinking is not out of control but it is creeping back into my life.

Some days I just want to say FxxxK it and accept myself for who I am. Then there are days when I just want to STOP... like today.

[Struggles 106]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

Hey Supercrew

You stated my sentiments exactly! Being sober
is so much better. I was just sick of being a
drunk person. It's just stupid and I knew it was
going to get worse; I had watched the worsening
for years.
I have a great job that I could probably never
get again, not even close. At some point it would
have been lost. I was becoming known as the
company drunk. Not good.
So now no smokes no drinks and frequent exercise.
I have to admit that I am very proud of how far
I've come, especially without much support.
I guess the support part is internal. I KNEW
without a doubt I had to stop. I felt that someone
would be harmed besides me.
Also my mother died when I was 23, and my daughter
is now 22 and I'd like to stick around.
I think each individual has to go their own way
and figure it out.
I will reiterate-moderation for alcohol addicts
is NOT possible. The research I did today reinforced
this belief with the biological explanation .
BUT I guess the attempt at moderation is at
the very least an admission of a problem

[Unwasted]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

Tipps, no I didn't get the tattoo but at the time I was committed, so it wasn't that. I just decided long term I would prefer pretty unblemished skin.

Well, on whether or not to say F(#c it, I guess that's what you have to figure out for this to work. I have a strong desire not to drink anymore -- when I don't drink too much it makes me blah - I have a really short period of time where I'm enjoying conversation, etc. but it goes pretty quickly and the repurcussions are just too great.

I want to experience something different in my life. I am attempting to learn through meditation a way to separate the "craving" voice from my "together, with it" voice! The Tao of Sobriety is giving me some good tools and I think they're going to work. We'll see. If they don't I'm committed to trying AA. The other book I read has given me a way to look at the HP concept. If I try to mod again I'll have to say I have a problem, because even a few drinks makes me feel bad. If I continue to do something despite its causing me problems, then I do have an issue!

Ann, sounds like you're on a good path - way to go.