from CS04

[Sunbeam]

from CS04

another friend checks in

Cs04, I hope I can also be counted among your friends here. I am thrilled to hear you are taking a different approach. You can do this, now is the time. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[rubywillow]

from CS04

Loved the conversation, C. I'll do some checking, but you're on the right track, girl.

[CS04]

from CS04

I am in a quandary. Called the treatment center and there is 7-10 day waiting list. Of more concern, esp after talking to my husband, is that it is 12 step based which I don't buy into and he is concerned about embarking upon a program which I don't ultimately believe in. So I also called my regular (new) dr to try to get in before the Feb 1st physical I have scheduled; can't get in at all till at least Jan 16 due to holidays and vacations. Called the Cognitive Therapy Center and left a message; never heard back. I really do not want to go to ER, but I feel really stuck and as Zen said, trapped. Oh, and also searched on non 12-step programs and found a few, but nothing in Ohio. I talked to a guy at one in Atlanta that looks interesting but costs minimum $18,000. I am almost ready to just go back to getting AF on my own. I need to do SOMETHING in the next 2 weeks and none of the avenues I am pursuing are fruitful.

[Guitarista]

from CS04

Hi CS,

Why not go with the treatment that is available, on offer, and a possibility for you? 12 Step programs may not be everyone's cup of tea, but it is difficult to deny the positive aspects of it. My 'higher power' to me, is me, and i am powerless over AL once i start drinking, but i am not powerless when i have to make a choice. These are the only possible qualms i could see anyone having with a 12 step program. Minimal and trivial when we consider what is at stake, is our precious life. Take what you need and leave the rest as many AAer's say.

I hope you can surrender yourself to your addiction/problem drinking/alcoholism whatever we call it. We must remove our ego from the equation i think, to admit defeat, and to surrender to our greater selves, and to move on and do whatever it takes to begin the healing. For me, i just don't play that game with AL. I just stay out of the ring with AL, because it has proved a fight i cannot and do not win. No shame in that.

I don't know if we can be too fussy when a real positive opportunity for help in taking back our lives is presented.

I say all of the above respectfully CS, and i hope you just go for it no matter what, and your job and family situations will take care of themselves.

[rubywillow]

from CS04

C, having insurance you can negotiate the cost down. We did. Knowing they'll get the insurance which probably will hold them to a different cost plan may cut in half, and your cash outlay should be minimum. They are in it to make money, no doubt, but you CAN get a much better rate.

[KateH1]

from CS04

Hi CS, Gosh, sorry to hear that you have been hitting some obstacles. I respect what you are saying about needing to be 100% in a program in order to give yourself the best opportunity for success. I too have some issues with 12 Step programs that go further than the "higher power" thing. On the other hand, I am a total believer in "Cognitive Therapy". Have you searched your area for "Addiction Specialists?" You might check The Cleveland Clinic or any teaching hospital. I will continue to ponder this and if I come up with anything, I will let you know. I am hear for you! Hang in there....there is a solution for you...

XXX Kate

[CS04]

from CS04

Ruby, the local treatment center would be mostly covered by insurance (what "mostly" means I am not sure, because I have to apply for admission then they run the numbers). The place in Atlanta said it is private pay and you *could* run it thru your insurance for later reimbursement, but suggested not to b/c of new legislation which might find myself (or worse, my husband and family) if the AL treatment label is stamped on my record. I do believe that most of these professionals want others to get well, but there is a definite financial stake which disturbs me.
Kate, the place I went for the assessment is affiliated (though not technically part of) the Cleveland Clinic. 10 minutes from my house.
But bottom line is I don't want to wait 2 weeks to start on this. I want to start Monday or maybe sooner or maybe later next week (my birthday is Wed.). I told my husband over dinner that I had all these phone calls and frustrations, and he is not hearing me, esp at this hour.
I HAVE to get some kind of plan in place before I go back to work because I'll be in the same boat of missing work. Maybe I'll just bite the bullet and take an Antabuse. But I don't want medical ramifications from quitting AL. I am scared and frustrated.

[RingingCedars]

from CS04

CS what does your husband have to do with your decision in the end of all considerations? If I have read this right....you have family to care for your son?? So make your decisions based on that...not your partner that has issues. I'm late in my support but you have it!!! You and your son come before your hub with his own problems. xo

[RingingCedars]

from CS04

CS don't let anything stop you!!! That includes me! I'm a straight shooter but I could be wrong!! My post still stands. Do what is best for you! xo

[Bean]

from CS04

Dear CS04

Not sure what has happened since your last post and if you have managed to find a treatment centre you are happy with.
I went into rehab for 6 weeks in October and it turned my life around. I too was dead against the 12 step/AA approach but you know what? I'd never really tried it and I certainly didn't understand how it worked or what it could do for me before I went there. I had been to a few meetings in the past and thought I 'got' what the steps were about but I actually hadn't got a clue.

I knew I was in a really bad place with drinking and I needed help but the very second I would wake up, I would try to convince myself and others that I didn't need help and that I was going to do it (quit) on my own. Thank god for my parents getting me into treatment.

I totally understand the sense of fear and despair you are feeling but what do you have to lose by taking the 12 step route? Also I understand not wanting to take medication but do you realise the insanity of that?? We are/were prepared to pour poison down our throats day after day but we don't want to take medication!! I was exactly the same, especially since I am a Chinese Medicine practitioner and my mum is a homeopath. But I felt so horrendous when I went to treatment that I was prepared to do anything to get me through the worst bit and to get me better. It worked. If you continue drinking you'll probably HAVE to take a lot more medication in the future anyway...

Please PM me if you want to ask anything about rehab. I posted in Monthly abstinence a few days ago ('Reflections on Rehab') about what I learnt there. Just go! It's scary but if you are serious about getting clean and ready to do the work, you won't regret it and you'll get sober and happy.

Wishing you strength and peace in 2012
Bean

[Guitarista]

from CS04

12 step, 2 step, waltz, CBT.....what's the difference? Who cares when our life is at stake and we are ready to get sober? There are many healthy parallels, and as long as you want to get sober, then you will. All of the different sorts of treatments will have useful tools and great positives. If there is an opening for treatment whether it be 12 step, tango, buddhism, cognitive therapy, whatever, sooner rather than later, then seriously consider grabbing it now seeing you're ready to go for sobriety.

Great to hear you want to make this happen as soon as possible. I hope you take a medically supervised option that follows up with strategies and coping skills to help you live sober. You will sort out family and work. Go for the treatment, 12 step or otherwise. It doesn't matter. Embrace it, listen, and take what you need.

Best wishes, and what a sensational start to the new year and a new you.

[ThreeDogNight]

from CS04

Hi, CS.

I can't add much to what Bean said, as my experience was so much like hers! I had gotten to a place where I was finally desperate enough to know that I'd reached the end. Things I swore would never happen to me did--two DUIs in six months. I'd never even had a speeding ticket! I chose the other rehab (ten days) I went to in July because it was NOT a Twelve Step based program. We were encouraged to attend outside AA meetings that we could walk to, but it was not an integral part of the program. I thought that it was important that they had a psychiatrist there--well, I didn't get anything from my two meetings with her. (There were others who had seious mental issues who went to see her every day!) Anyway, the friend who recommended the rehab in FL has been sober for seven years, and went through hell to get there. I completely trust her judgement. I found solace in the Twelve Step approach and really worked the program away from any distractions of home. I would have gladly stayed another 28 days if I had had the money. (Spent so much on detox, rehab, legal fees already.) I can PM you the name and info for this place, but will tell you that I paid $4,200 for the 28 days--transportaion to/from airport, all meals, gym three days a week, trips to the beach, laundry facilities, fantastic staff, etc.) They just went to $6,500, which is still an incredible bargain, IMO. And this is a beautiful place! I am not sure if they can help with financing, but you could check on that, or I can do it for you. You seem to have come to the realization that you have to put sobriety first, something I didn't do until this last time. I can understand how your husband may not seem supportive, probably because he is in denial or afraid (or both), but this is your life and maybe your one chance to do it right. Don't be afraid of the Twelve Step approach. It isn't a religious thing at all--if you can just be open to it, it will come. The people I met in AA in FL (through my temporary sponsor) were so welcoming and loving and supportive. And my "home" group here was so happy to see me, and they knew that I was not doing anything before but showing up! And I did think that AA was a kind of cult before I saw what it is really all about!

Let me know if you want me to PM you.
You can do it, and no better time than this New Year!

TDN

[CS04]

from CS04

Bean, I had read your earlier thread about rehab with great interest. Thank you and TDN for sharing your experiences. You may certainly PM me with the name of the place in FL, so I can at least include it in my "research." I think someone may have misunderstood me, however, with regard to medication. I am not averse to the idea of meds to help with AL issues or to assist with detox. On the contrary; I am trying to find some medical assistance but can't seem to do so on my schedule, other than checking myself into an ER, and that is not where I want to spend New Year's Eve or Day. (What a zoo many ERs across the country will be!) As I said before, I am just trying to make the best decision for myself and my family. I appreciate all of your feedback.

[Doggygirl]

from CS04

CS, just a note to say I am still rooting for you - for things to work out so you get the treatment you need.

DG

(PS - I would add that those 12 Steppers don't scare me either, but you already know that.... )

[CS04]

from CS04

DG -- thanks! I am still exploring options, and had an earlier FB chat with another longtime MWOer who also wants to take the plunge. I am still leaning towards doing this on my own, at least some of it, at my mom's house later next week. Perhaps taper off but that is a slippery slope. I just want to be safe and rational.

If you can, can you bump up some your threads from a couple years ago with your pictures? I found those to be incredibly inspiring, and other newer members might feel the same.

(And as far as AA/12 steps, I don't really like it but don't *really mind* it, but I don't want to be forced to go. I'm not under a court order. Some of the women's meetings around here are not bad; one even has a potluck lunch each week.)