Question for anyone living AF

[Dewdrop]

Question for anyone living AF

I joined this site in August 2010 after lurking for months, I?d reached a point where I was drinking a couple of bottles of wine a night and more on weekends. I was struggling to hold down my job and I?d isolated myself so much because I lived alone and I could drink away to my heart?s content, I blamed pressure of work on my lack of social life and not being there for my family. I?d been working from home to get an important report finished, went out to buy some milk and catfood at 11am and came home with a box of wine and started drinking. I continued all day and most of the night and was so desperate at the state I was in the next morning I logged on looking for help.

I knew I had to stop but the thought of forever terrified me so I took it one day at a time, there was a bank holiday weekend coming up so I took a few extra days off and got through 5 days, then 7 giving it my full 100%. It wasn?t easy in the beginning, headaches that lasted for days, sleepless nights, anxiety etc but I logged on here every day and read everything I could, took the supplements, started meditating and I focussed on 30 days. What a difference I felt a month in, my anxiety was gone, I lost weight, was sleeping better, taking regular exercise and eating well ? it?s a no brainer really! I took it a month at a time thanks to a great bunch of people on the monthly thread in GD but at nearly 7 months I started a new relationship and moderated over a weekend away. When I woke on the Sunday morning all I could think of was where was I going to get my drink for the day and the cravings came back with a vengeance. I finished the relationship, nothing was more important than being AF. The following week was worse than the first week I went AF but I knew if I didn?t stop now I?d be sucked right back into the depths of despair. So I white knuckled it and stayed on track, used all the tools here, and all the support from my MWO friends and I?ve been AF since. Again the next 30 days made a huge difference to how I felt and how I looked.

Like everyone else stopping the booze is just the first step, it takes months and years to work on the rest but it is so worthwhile to have a life to look forward to. All I know is I sleep well, I cope with stress and life pressures much better (and believe me I?ve had a few) and I have much better relationships with all my family and friends. I love my grandchildren and I am fully present with them enjoying every minute I have with them. I have a future and it looks good because I am responsible for the choices I make, I am not hiding in the bottom of a wine bottle anymore. Life really is too short to waste.

Dewdrop :h

[lolab]

Question for anyone living AF

This is a great thread – thanks to everyone for sharing your story here.

I think I’ve always had a problem with alcohol. Since the time I took my first drink and got so drunk that I probably could have died. I couldn’t negotiate repeated sets of stairs at a concert – falling down each from the top step (that I remember) – and ended up sleeping in a bathroom stall covered in vomit the entire time. I think I was in 9th grade. I always drank to excess – and used alcohol in every possible situation…to drown sorrows – to celebrate happiness – to relieve boredom and anxiety.

I first found this site a few years ago – when my sister told me that she quit drinking. I felt awful for her…having to give up alcohol. So I researched other options for her and this site was one of the options….a more acceptable option for me was some dr that I saw that offered a pill that just reduced your tendency to drink too much…? I have no idea what it was – I never sent the info to my sister….but I do remember reading some of the posts here, even though it was for HER not ME. Then this past February, when I knew I had to quit, I googled something about online AA or online help for alcohol abuse…and found the site again.

The had to be pushed to the point of sickness from alcohol to consider “quitting” and after drinking for a weekend straight – probably Thursday through Sunday night – I didn’t sleep at all Sunday night and was physically ill Monday morning – scared to death. There had been plenty of weeks, months of shaking, and generally bad signs but I had to ask my husband to take my son to school that morning as I sat thinking I might die. Unfortunately that’s what it took.

So I didn’t have a plan really…and I didn’t make one. I trudged through 30 some days – feeling pretty pleased with myself – but I never addressed the 30 days or forever issue. Never addressed what I would do when my mother got sick again…never even mentioned the term “moderating” – I just figured I’d have a glass of wine at my first “real” outing AFTER the 30 days, and I did. 5 months later, when I was again hiding a wine box under my bed and “tapping” some during the night – and keeping vodka bottles in my bedroom closet and laundry room again – and having a swig of vodka before a sip of water when I woke up in the morning – I knew I wasn’t successful at controlling it.

I’ve pretty much known that this time has to be forever – I’ve just gotten more OK with that idea as time goes on. (I’m just past 100 days). I do have a plan – and I don’t feel cheated by not having alcohol. I haven’t “replaced” the drink I always had in my hand or on the counter or bedside – I drink when I am thirsty.

Sunshine – I have to do the same thing – I can’t push those alcohol thoughts out of my head – I have to think them through or they’ll still be there waiting. If I start thinking “wouldn’t a drink be nice?” If I follow it through – it usually only takes a few seconds for me to remember the consequences….getting nothing accomplished …undoing all the good things I’ve done for my body by quitting…completely ruining the rest of my day – and tomorrow – and risking the possibility of starting that ball rolling again – knowing how hard it is to stop it.


~lola

[madmans]

Question for anyone living AF

i knew i had a problem about 10 years ago , back then i was living by my self and drinking to blackout stage every night , i was self employed so starting work late was never a problem.
I was trying to control my drinking for the last 7 years , it can't be controlled, for anyone trying to moderate i'm sorry that's my view after trying to do it for all them years.
I found this site when i was drunk of course one night trying to see about getting help, i also didn't want to go to AA in case some one would know.
I starting reading as much as i could here to learn as much as i could about our problem, i didn't really have a plan as such,posted daily, lived in the nest , that lasted for 2 months , then a feck it moment and back drinking and feeling like i could never beat this. A PM from JC got me back posting .
I still found it hard to get started again and posted here for help . For years i had told my wife i had a problem but i dont think she ever accepted i had so i turned over this web site and let her see for her self, it was by doing this that made me accountable , there was no turning back, i read Alan Carrs book " the easy way to control drinking" and some thing clicked and the days started to roll in , dont get me wrong there has been hard days also but for me this site and making myself accountable to my wife made the difference

[byebyebridgetjones]

Question for anyone living AF

I was incredibly relieved when I found this site Chilli, and read RJ's book, just to find some folk who understood and were prepared to talk about it. I felt as if I'd found a secret safe place.
Moderation was never an option for me.
I have no desire to drink moderately.
Getting shitfaced is my gig.
I couldn't even be bothered with one or two drinks, I'd rather have none.
I believe that sobriety is made up of two parts.
1. Not drinking alcohol.
2. Building a new life.

.....and whatever we have to do to acheive this ...... we must do!

Bridge