why..not the best title

[Bella]

Hi friends. Its Bella...Only have a short time to write. I just want to know why Ive become a drinker. Why is it fun to drink secretly. Why do I do it. I kinda know why but its good to write it down. Id like to know why im so embaressed to get help...i know that answer too. My husband..or maybe i use that as an excuse not to seek aid. Its partly him but i think im too proud. Me? need help in stopping drinking? im a middle class good girl. I feel its a weakness...not a disease as AA say. Big sigh.

Ive got to the point where im either drunk...thinking about drink....or hungover and wanna kill myself. I have the odd bit imbetween where im just finding my feet and enjoying life...but the black dog always follows. Ive been on this site for a while. Im not stupid but ive observed others and myself and im watching myself disintergrate thru booze. So wot i do is have 2 days off it. feel ok again and start again. I cant just have 2 drinks anymore.

Id really appeciate any comments on my words.

Bells xxxxxx Ps I blame my parents, brother, husband..but thats stupid. Wots important is me and im not dealing with me very well at the moment. x

[dixon]

why..not the best title

Hi Bella ,
Sorry to know you are feeling low.
You are right , we almost are good men and women with bad habit.A habit if can be learnt so can be unlearn..Please be strong and stick on your goal.
Successful people do not do different things but do differently ... So try to surf the urges differently .I remember there is a thread in Monthly abstinent column giving tips on how to serve the urges.
Human beings are on trouble because they know the trick of procrastination.So need to act immediately.Animals are never unhappy as they don't know trick of procrastination.
My strength to you..
Dix

[some_midwest_guy]

why..not the best title

Drinking became a habit to me, to escape boredom and a dreary marriage. After a while drinking became my new normal, and then it was real hard to taper off cause I was so used to it.

There's a lot of ways to attack the problem, but you've done the first step in admitting you have a problem. Something that helped me was confiding in my closest longtime friends that I had a problem...they were very understanding and supporting. I don't think they were surprised about my alcoholism because I was always the one who drank the most !

Alcoholism might be seen as a weakness to non-drinkers because they can't understand the magnitude of the problem. Alcoholism (based on my limited knowledge):

> Might be something I was born with. Since my first sip of a whisky sour at the age of 9 I knew I LOVED whisky.
> Is a habit like knuckle-cracking, where doing it over and over makes the habit stronger. Smokers know about this, one of the hardest parts of quitting smoking is people get so used to lighting up after a meal.
> Becomes an escape mechanism to get away from a life that's not going well, or to cover up depressed feelings, or to offset anxiety.

All 3 of those factors apply to me.

Something I strongly suggest *has* to be addressed up front is your depression, I have that too and take Paxil for it which at least keeps me from being suicidal. So please look at that.

Something to consider - if you spend the next 20 years drinking to escape the bad things in your life, like maybe your husband and family, at the end of the 20 years you'll still have the same family. Alcohol doesn't really fix anything, it's like a tourniquet for a bleeding leg - a temporary fix but not really a fix. So not knowing you or pretending I am that smart, there must be a bunch of stuff in your life that's not the way you want it to be, like maybe your marriage. So instead of drinking, go at the real problems.

Good luck to you.

[mylife]

why..not the best title

some_midwest_guy;1322823 wrote: Something to consider - if you spend the next 20 years drinking to escape the bad things in your life, like maybe your husband and family, at the end of the 20 years you'll still have the same family. Alcohol doesn't really fix anything, it's like a tourniquet for a bleeding leg - a temporary fix but not really a fix. So not knowing you or pretending I am that smart, there must be a bunch of stuff in your life that's not the way you want it to be, like maybe your marriage. So instead of drinking, go at the real problems.

Great quote Midwest. I'm only just now facing there are some problems that I need to deal with that probably started me drinking in the first place - unfortunatley in my own marriage. And the minute I started to face those problems I started feeling better about myself and less like drinking. One step and one day at at time...that's my motto.