Finally, after a year here, I am ready…

[Destiniey]

Finally, after a year here, I am ready…

LillyE;1344633 wrote: Thanks Dest. I'm so happy to have you in the Nest with me and we CAN do this. 30 days and beyond. I hope Byrdie has some extra party hats on order

It is hard but it is a journey and we are winning every time we gain new self-awareness into how to fight this bastard Al. As you said, fuck you Al indeed!

I am so glad that you are here to keep me company in the nest....the crazy glue is working wonders and I am determined to not fall out again! We CAN do this!:l

[Sunbeam]

Finally, after a year here, I am ready…

Lilly, I am so glad you are where you are, not where you were. I am also done for good.

[LillyE]

Finally, after a year here, I am ready…

Wow, I am constantly amazed at this place and the people here. Thank you to each and every one of you for your kind and thoughtful responses and particularly to Dest and Kradle - my lovely fellow Boot Camp nestees. Kradle, your post made me weepy - in a good way. It also made me glad I posted here if only for the fact it helped you curb your slide. I am so happy it did. Trust me, you wouldn't have felt better for it today than you do right now AF. :h

It is strange. It took me a year of 'trying to quit' smoking too - I'm a slow learner apparently :sigh: - in a similar on-off fashion to just realize I could never smoke again, ever. Not one, not one puff. Never. And almost 15 months later it is one of the best things I've ever done and I have NO desire to smoke - not even when surrounded by smokers. But it wasn't easy AT ALL. It was a hell of a lot of work and took six months to start to be easier and a year to get to the point where I really just no longer wanted to smoke. I believe the same is possible with drinking but likewise it's going to take time and work.

But, I'm ready. And a big part of that is my year spent reading and posting here. So I thank each and every one of you for being a part of this community.

Pinecome, THANK YOU for saying that took guts to share because it wasn't easy. I cringe with shame about it all - I think a lot of us know the feeling. But reading other people's brutally honest posts has helped me so I hoped it might help others too as well as myself as a reminder when the memory starts to fade.

Scottish Lass, welcome and glad you're in the Nest I am glad you related to my post and I totally get where you are coming from. I have wrestled with that "never" for the past year. I'm not saying I'm never going to wrestle with it again but I do feel like my acceptance has taken a giant leap forward. We all just have to get there in our own time and way. And, honestly, I doubt even that one experience - god knows I've had plenty others like it in the past, really - would have done what it did were it not for the last year of trying, posting here, having breaks, learning about alcoholism. So dive on in.

Limers - Of course you can and you too! Sorry if I've missed you if you have already but, if not, come join us in the Nest. (That goes for any newbies reading here.) We have a great group going over there and a 30 Day Boot Camp challenge.

Thanks again all.

Lilly

[LillyE]

Finally, after a year here, I am ready…

OH, and I forgot to say, Mama Bear, I have really enjoyed your posts here in my reading so would love to hear your thoughts anytime and appreciate the welcome sentiment.

[mama bear]

Finally, after a year here, I am ready…

Lilly
I am finally home and have my feet up.
First off, let me say congrats on your decision. it is obivious you are trying hard or you would not still be here.
I have been here for two years. I post daily, I play and goof around alot with all my friends here, but for some reason...THIS TIME I AM SERIOUS.
I have had a few AF weeks here and there, but I always caved. My hubs drinks daily and that was a big issue for me. Wah, wah how come he can drink and not me?
But I end up doing stupid shit. I snaek out and drive to the store after hubs is asleep so I can sneak drinks. I cannot tell you how many times I have scratched the car, hits curbs,and bounced off mailboxes.
I have suffered through so many hangovers at work.
I have seen the scorn in my family's eyes.
I have faked the flu and called in to work.
I have drunk dialed, texted, you name it. I have sent inappropriate comments to male friends. I have begged MY OWN KIDS for a ride to the store.
I drank myself silly at a company get away that I came home and was sick for two days.
I have thrown up and lived with constant di-a-ree-ah (I never could spell that)
I have gotten up in the morning wondering where in the hell all those bruises came from. I split my head open and needed 100 stitches. I sprained my wrist.
And finally, I just gave up.
I admitted that I had a problem. This is not a bad patch. This is a life altering, potentially deadly issue for me.
And you know what? I AM FINE.
Sure, I have the occasional fleeting thought of how good a cold one would be. I live in Florida and nothing USED to be better than an ice cold beer (or 12) at the end of a long day.
I can no longer be that person. I don't want to lie, or feel sick, or hate myself any more.
I want to be a good wife, mother, boss and friend.
I want to be a leader here on MWO and be there for others.
Will I always feel this good? I don't know. Life deals us some shitty cards. But for today...this is where I want to be
I hope you willl join me and the others here who care about themselves...and YOU!!
You deserve it babe.

and this post was REALLY good for me....

[mama bear]

Finally, after a year here, I am ready…

x post sweetie



ps...I even made through a rocking Van Halen concet sober as a nun and dancing my butt off!!!!

[mama bear]

Finally, after a year here, I am ready…

oh...I forgot the hundreds of bottles I had to sneak out of the house....

[LillyE]

Finally, after a year here, I am ready…

mama bear;1344921 wrote:
And finally, I just gave up.
I admitted that I had a problem. This is not a bad patch. This is a life altering, potentially deadly issue for me.
And you know what? I AM FINE.
Sure, I have the occasional fleeting thought of how good a cold one would be. I live in Florida and nothing USED to be better than an ice cold beer (or 12) at the end of a long day.
I can no longer be that person. I don't want to lie, or feel sick, or hate myself any more.
I want to be a good wife, mother, boss and friend.
I want to be a leader here on MWO and be there for others.
Will I always feel this good? I don't know. Life deals us some shitty cards. But for today...this is where I want to be
I hope you willl join me and the others here who care about themselves...and YOU!!
You deserve it babe.

and this post was REALLY good for me....

:wd:

My list is different but it is no less painful nor problematic. It has taken me so long to get to this point because there has been enough that's ok in my life to paper over the cracks. And all the justifications? "Well, I never drink in the morning." "I can stop so therefore I must not be that bad" "Everyone drinks" "Cockails are so lovely" And on it goes.

Sunday night was not the sole experience I've had like that - not by a long shot. It was just the last one in a long process of waking up to the fact that this IS getting worse. That is it NOT going to get better. That I DO have a problem. And that I just want more from my life dammit! I credit MWO a lot with helping me string together enough little stints of AF days to see what's great about being sober. That it's not the boring misery I would have thought a year ago. It can feel a little boring sometimes - it can certainly be hard. But there's so much that's great about it that it is worth those small sacrifices of discomfort.

You echoed how I feel exactly. I have learnt too much about this disease to be cocky and sure I'll never drink again or never crave again. But right now I truly feel like i have turned a corner and I want to hold on to that good, determined energy as tight as I can.

I have long thought that just taking it off the table altogether as an option would make that easier than all this on-off should-I-shouldn't-I-will-I-today, which is just so bloody exhausting.

Onwards and upwards for us all my friends

[mama bear]

Finally, after a year here, I am ready…

Rock On Lilly!!
please don't take this the wrong way, but a few xanax helped me over some rough patches
I am BY NO MEANS advocating trading one addiction for another
but instead of pacing the floor some nights, I eased my anxiety by relaxing under a doctors script and it really made a difference
A good night's sleep is much better than a hungover,miserable morning

[LillyE]

Finally, after a year here, I am ready…

I agree and I actually have some sleeping aids from when my insomnia used to be really bad. I take them pretty carefully and rarely because I don't trust myself when it comes to getting addicted to things - but sometimes they do really help. Hadn't had one in ages but had one lasted night and it really helped me sleep, which I really needed.

[Destiniey]

Finally, after a year here, I am ready…

Hmmmm.....sleep....I love my sleep......I miss my sleep. I hate waking up every 2 hours.....very frustrating! This too shall pass!!!!!

[LillyE]

Finally, after a year here, I am ready…

Destiniey;1344973 wrote: Hmmmm.....sleep....I love my sleep......I miss my sleep. I hate waking up every 2 hours.....very frustrating! This too shall pass!!!!!

It'll come Dest, it'll come. I swear I sleep SO much better when I'm AF but it does take a week to two for that effect to kick in. In the meantime, drugs? No, seriously, see above

[SAUSAGE]

Finally, after a year here, I am ready…

Lilly and Mama

I think it often does take a little while / several goes to finally go AF for real long term. You see it all the time on here, most of the long term sober people, who are an inspiration to others, take several attempts at quitting to finally get it right.

Lilly, your comments about how it took you a year to stop smoking but now one year on it is the best thing you have ever done are very relevant. I am sure it will be the same with alcohol too.

Mama , I really like your list.

Oh and Destiniey the sleep wil come but it probably took me at least 60 AF days to really start to improve. But you know, even after a bad nights sleep, I still felt better than after a night of heavy drinking.

I'm on day 131 and last night ( I'm away on holiday at moment) was tough, but I so much want to get to a year .....and beyond.

Stick with it, I have absolute belief that it will all be worth it and become easier in the end and our failures make us stronger and better, more determined and motivated people.

[DriftyAlison0]

Finally, after a year here, I am ready…

I am a year af and there is so much more fun without the booze then with. I was at a friend's birthday party and she got so wasted, she got sick more then once, and I had to hold her hair. I don't think that she was having fun at that point.

[Destiniey]

Finally, after a year here, I am ready…

Mama....that list....wow....all I can say is wow!!!! You are such a strong and amazing woman to overcome all of that. Thanks for being brave enough to share that!

Lilly..I have to seriously start thinking about taking something..I just HATE taking medication. Go figure...I can pickle myself with vodka yet I worry about taking something for helping me sleep....Grrrrr.

Sausage......congrats on 131 days! I am so glad that you were able to tame that craving last night. I agree with you about the sleeping...even after a restless night I wake up feeling so much better than after a night of drinking. Enjoy your holiday and keep us posted so we can live vicariously through you! Ha!

Drifty....kudos to you on a year AF. I think it's safe to assume that your friend had NOOO fun and felt like crap the next day. Life is too short and I want to savor every moment of it! Thanks for letting us know there is a light t the end of the tunnel!