First step

[TonyHancock]

I have been avidly reading these forums and threads for about six months now and, although I don't drink as much as I used to, I am still a heavy drinker who just wants to moderate!

I am 41 and for the past twenty years I have drunk like the proverbial fish. My friends, social life, hobbies all revolved around the bottle. At first it was fun and I was in total and complete denial that I had a problem.

I have suffered from anxiety and depression and still do, from time to time. I have also recently come to terms with being gay, even thought I was married for 7 years. I just know that I have been living a lie for so long. These are not excuses for drinking but a pint and a botttle or two of wine have 'helped' me to bury the person I hate.

Through drinking I have done things I would rather forget and even lost a job through an alcohol related incident.

However now I have moved to a new country, have an amazing job and a non- drinking partner ( we've been together 4 years) but I still cannot resist the ale. When I work I don't drink in the week - he makes sure of that - but weekends and holidays can be, and often are, a blur.

I really need to use the support of you good people to stay of the wagon until I can see whether it is possible to moderate.

This is the FIRST time I have admitted this to anybody, including myself.

Looking forward to chats and friendship to help me make things so much better. Hope this hasn't bored you.

Cheers

[Nelz]

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Welcome aboard..........I dont think any of "bore" easily


Feel free to post away with comment or questions.......good luck with the journey

[TonyHancock]

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Thank you Nelz. I am so grateful that somebody has taken the time to reply.

I always worry that I bore people; this is the eopposite of what people think but I just struggle to like myself. The drink has always stopped these thoughts .... briefly anyway. Just wish I could like myself. Maybe beating this illness will help me feel comfortable with the person I am.

[daisy45]

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Tony, welcome. You should check out the Newbies Nest. It is a great place to go to get those first 30 days under your belt, then you can decide on your next step....there is great support there from people just like you and from senior members who are now AF.
Reading as much as you can on this site will give you the confidence to know you can do it....good luck....

[LibraryGirl]

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Welcome Tony.:welcome: You will get lots of support and advice here. The general thinking here is, abstain 30 days, then see if you are ok without alcohol. Some do this with the intention of moderating afterward, and then decide to quit. Others choose to go the moderate route. You will get less support for moderation, but there is a Mod Squad on this site, and I will vouch for the members who post there. I am one of them. We do not encourage alcohol use, and are just as supportive of becoming alcohol free. The Newbie's Nest is a good place to start out, but you are welcome to come to the "Long Term Moderators" thread as well. Take care, and hope to see you around!:l

[Nelz]

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TonyHancock;1364727 wrote: Thank you Nelz. I am so grateful that somebody has taken the time to reply.

I always worry that I bore people; this is the eopposite of what people think but I just struggle to like myself. The drink has always stopped these thoughts .... briefly anyway. Just wish I could like myself. Maybe beating this illness will help me feel comfortable with the person I am.

I can tell you from personal experience....quitting drinking will go a long way in changing your self image and self confidence. And it will be worth any struggle you have to go through to get it.

[ITGeekChick]

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Welcome, Tony!

I know what you mean about worrying about boring people...I call myself "The thread killer." This is an awesome place and very supportive!

[NoraC]

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Hi Tony! :welcome: Glad that you decided to jump in & join us.

I think that you'll find that the anxiety & depression greatly improve once you stop drinking. I know that it certainly improved for me.

Be sure to read & post and read & post. There is so much great information here to help you on your journey. So many supportive people here. Find a place that you are comfortable and jump right in.

Looking forward to getting to know you.

[Kradle123]

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Hi Tony and Welcome!

I know what you mean by burying the person I hate. I'm the head of the self loathing dept. :H
But I am almost three months now and while instill find it hardto tolerate the memories of my past, my awful negative thoughts are starting to to vanish..it feels good and the people here are simply the best therapy ever.

You've found a great place! :h

Hugs,
:l

[TonyHancock]

First step

I am delighted and humbled to read everybody's comments. It certainly makes me feel that I have done the right thing by posting.

A big worry of mine is that I don't feel I can go out anymore as nobody I know decides to go to Cost Coffee or Starbucks when they think of a night out. I have been invited to go out tonight with a friend and we are going to the local rooftop bar. In my mind I will have two or three beers and then go home BUT, knowing me, it will no doubt be 10 beers and I will wake up feeling so BAD about this.

What do I do????????

[Nelz]

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TonyHancock;1364864 wrote: I am delighted and humbled to read everybody's comments. It certainly makes me feel that I have done the right thing by posting.

A big worry of mine is that I don't feel I can go out anymore as nobody I know decides to go to Cost Coffee or Starbucks when they think of a night out. I have been invited to go out tonight with a friend and we are going to the local rooftop bar. In my mind I will have two or three beers and then go home BUT, knowing me, it will no doubt be 10 beers and I will wake up feeling so BAD about this.

What do I do????????

Well, if it was "me" at your stage of the journey, I would probably politely decline. Im not saying you wont have the willpower to tell your buddy no, but we all know how peer pressure works.

Even if he doesnt pressure you to drink, you will have that nagging desire to join him, only adding to the difficulty of abstaining.

If you do go out, just give a certain amount of honesty...its usually the best policy. Just tell him, you have kicked around the idea of not drinking "as much" but tonight you really dont feel like drinking any AL.

Keep a full chilled glass of seltzer water with some fresh lemons or limes.....trust me on this you will become very used to that drink........LOL

[patrice]

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Hi Tony

I agree with Nelz.. I wouldn't be going out at this stage because it does add to the pressure that I'm sure you feel already NOT to drink...

Take Care
Patrice

[satz123]

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Hi Tony
Also agree.
Develop a ear infection & say you are on antibiotics.
Lies are needed as you start out - but it will get easier - once you realise it can be done !

My social life revolves around pubs & restaurants too - but - I have managed to dodge the 'ol AL for 44 days :goodjob:
Friends & family are now used to it & love being driven. There's another one - bring the car !

Think about getting Antabuse - takes away the choice - 'cos you'll be sick as a dog if you drink with it!!!

[ITGeekChick]

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I'm currently taking Antabuse, so drinking is simply not an option. However, since I don't want to blurt out "I'm taking Antabuse" to everyone that asks me to drink, I simply say "I'm on medication that doesn't mix with alcohol" and don't elaborate further.

Like some others have said, it may be too early in your journey to be hanging at bars, where temptation is literally right under your nose. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck!

[K9Lover]

First step

Hi Tony and Welcome!

I'm glad you've found us and decided to post. Like Nelz said, you will NOT bore us, so please feel free to post whatever you want, ramble on and on if you want, we like it!

I agree with the others about staying away from drinking situations so early in your sobriety. Why do that to yourself? You might even find yourself feeling deprived. Once your mind shifts from deprivation to appreciation (i.e. I "cant" drink, to I "dont have to" drink!) things will get so much easier. The switch will happen, just give it time.

Stick close to us and let us know how you are. We are all wishing you strength!!

K9