Here...again

[Lotus]

Hi everyone

I have been away for a little while after I lapsed. Since my last post here I have been drinking as if it was going out of fashion and felt too guilty to come back.

I can't seem to understand why I went back to drinking after managing over 30 days AF. Why did I think "oh well, I've screwed it up, so might as well carry on".

So here...again...Had a big bust up with hubby last week and I ended up hitting him. whatever the argument was about, I had no reason to hit him. Secondly, we've been invited to 2 parties (next month) which happen to be on the same day, so I suggested to mother-in-law that she's goes to one and hubby and I go to the other. But she said no and I should not go by myself. The reason is she doesn't trust me to go by myself. She's concerned I will end up having a drink and embarass myself in front of the family. And I have got my finance exams in June and I am serioulsy falling behind.

Last time when I started I had loads of enthusiam, but seem to be lagging it this time. I just want to stop drinking. No weekends, social events....I just want to say "no thanks, I don't drink".
Hubby is still drinking and just now he called me to ask what I would like to drink tonight. Why can't I say no or yeah bring me a bottle of water!!!

Sorry for rambling, but just had so many thoughts in my head and needed to write them down. Thanks for taking the time to read through.

[Ripley]

Here...again

Hi Mandy

you're back. that's the main thing. and 30 days AF is amazing (I'm only on day 15 ....)

there isn't a person here who hasn't done a ton of things they aren't seriously ashamed of whilst drunk.

gird your loins girl, plan your strategy and focus.... I think that "no thanks, I don't drink" is GREAT! It just takes all the decision making out of t doesn't it?

Have you got yourself any hypno CDs or supps? Did you use those last time?

Wishing you well, Kate

[Rocky]

Here...again

Mandy

Very sorry you had the laps, but very happy you came back here to share and re-group. Life for most of us is a battle, or should I say many battles. Making a living is a battle, Marriage has its battles, raising kids is a battle, health is a battle. All of these take a lot of work and effort, especially to balance it all. Then there is drinking...so easy to do and so hard not to do once it has been such a part or habit of our lives.

Well, get hold of the tools here at MWO...use them all and get back in the fight. You are worth it, and you CAN do it! 30 days last time... You know you can do that...you are healthier for doing that, and you can use that to start again....Best wishes for you Mandy!

[Bella]

Here...again

Hi mandy, don't keep away because you lapsed, thats when you need the support from here. Wellcome back. B

[Guest]

Here...again

Mandy, please don't be offended by my ignorance, I noticed that you are in the UK. Isn't drinking part of the culture there? I was wondering if you fall to the pressure, if it is. trust me I have fallen and done many a stupid thing while drunk. To ashamed to admit most of what I remember. It has to be hard when your husband wants to drink with you. Just remember what kept you motivated during your orignal 30 days and try to embrace that again. All the best
M

[AAthlete]

Here...again

Mandy, same thing happened to me so know that you are not alone.

I got to 30 days as well, and the next thing I know I am spending a Monday morning trying to figure out what the hell happened. Started off so strong and was feeling so good....

I think the key is learning to forgive yourself. It's okay to have a slip-up as long as you climb back on the ship, get it righted and headed in the AF direction again.

You're only human right, and we all make mistakes. The important thing is that you made it 30 days - that's a heck of a start. Now you're back with us and we can't wait to see you can get another 30 days in and go from there.

Wishing you all the best...

[nattie]

Here...again

hi
Glad you have found your way back - I found this site yesterday & it is a real help.
I can relate to your husband asking what you want to drink tonight. Sometimes it doesn't help does it. I always thought becasue mine was asking me he condoned me passing out every evening we drank....not always the case. I also understand about the parties - I spent this xmas at mother in laws & she was watching me like a hawk lest I shoudl embarass her in front of her guests.......only piling more pressure on the situation I felt.

I think you should feel very proud of how long you went AF and try & use it to remember you can get back to it again. I gave up for about 5 months six years back. What set me back was a holiday where boyfriend thought I would be ok to drink.......am sure he just wanted the company - and it went back downhill & worse from there.

x

[Mackeral]

Here...again

Hiya Mandy,

I think the majority of people here suffer lapses from time to time...The main thing is you came back..And you are trying...Dont give up giving up

[Breez]

Here...again

Hi Mandy-You're back!

Don't focus on your setback rather focus on how you can prevent it from happening again. 30 days is awesome! CONGRATS! You can do it again! Stay focused, don't give up & stay close to the boards. We're here to listen & help.

[Guest]

Here...again

To be honest no matter where you live, drinking is socially acceptable. For some of us, just not possible. Glad you are back!!!! If you lapse, lean on us. We're not just in here during good times...we're here for the bad times too.

[Guest]

Here...again

Yor right tired, the reason I mentioned the culture is I was watching a special on Ireland and they stated that there was 10,000 pubs in a region the size of WVa. I would never make it through a trip! And that most social activity happened at pubs. I agree it can be anyone anywhere; I was curious as to the fabric of the surroundings. I'm just glad she came back.
M

[betty boop]

Here...again

Hi Mandy, nice to see you back.

We've all had laspses and many of will have more, but we are all here for each other.

Please don't beat yourself up ......

Remember how good you felt when you were AF?

You can feel that good again xx

[satori]

Here...again

Hey Mandy,

Welcome back.

Don't beat yourself up about lapsing - you are human - but the past is gone so don't let it mess you up in the present by giving it any importance!

You were one of the people who helped me greatly in my very early days here - so please stick around - we need you here!
And - we are here if you need us too!

Take care of yourself

Satori
xxx

[Jacy]

Here...again

Mandy,

I have had a few times 30 days just to find myself back out there doing it all over again. Aprroximately two weeks ago I had 7 and decided since it was a long weeked for me I would just buy a six pk. Needless to day I ended up drinking the whole weekened. I am now on my 9th day and feeling pretty yucky.......

I am trying to be patient not easy

[Popeye]

Here...again

Hello Mandy,
I think we all feel guilty when we lapse, but I've found that one of the cornerstones of this place, is that there are no judges. There is no-one here who says, "you have failed",or" I don't think you are good enough". As long as you keep picking yourself off the floor and trying, then you haven't failed.
I haven't lost any enthusiasm for the job in hand, which is to improve my whole life, partly by controlling how and when I drink, but the initial euphoria that I felt when I came here has subsided to just plain hope and gratitude. I was expecting everything to be fixed....now, but of course, these things don't happen like that. For me, this has become a life-long journey, and and you are all my travelling companions. I met some people when I started out who are still here. Some people have joined for a while and turned another way; I hope to see them again along the road; and some poeple I may never hear from again. I'm glad I started out though.