Help Got totally smashed and dont know what to do

[Bean]

Hi Everyone
Feeling like a total hypocrite. Did 19 days AF, started drinking again over the weekend but not too badly so I was pleased with myself. Didn't drink on Sunday, didn't even want to last night but for some stupid reason I bought some vodka and drank about 3/4 bottle. Needless to say, today has been hell - I was meant to be 'working from home' but couldn't get out of bed all day except to throw up. Still feeling quite physically rough, but worse mentally. I don't really know what triggered it or why I carried on because half way through the second one I actually thought 'I'm not really enjoying this and would prefer a glass of water'...it's one thing to crave a drink and then have it but I just don't know why I would binge so badly when I didn't want it in the first place and then wasn't enjoying it either?
Feel like i let myself down and really guilty for not doing any work and that I dont deserve the things I have because I allow alcohol to completely wipe me out. Does anyone else have this feeling of not specially wanting to drink but then going ahead and doing it anyway? I dont understand my behaviour and its making me scared.

[raoul]

Help Got totally smashed and dont know what to do

Hi Bean, First of all don't be too hard on yourself. 19 days is an achievement! I am at 10 and today was a wee bit of a struggle.

Yes, many a time I have gone drinking even though I didn't fancy it and I think that this is a big part of the problem: it is a habit and your mind is programmed to do it, like brushing your teeth before bed or picking up knives and forks with the correct hands. After years of programming it is no wonder we have difficulties. We drink when happy, drink when sad, drink to be sociable, drink because it's there yada yada yada.

Be proud of what you have achieved! I don't know if I'll make 19 days but knowing someone who has inspires me.

Thank you,

Raoul

[betty boop]

Help Got totally smashed and dont know what to do

Hi Bean,

I feel for you!!! This drug that we all crave so much creeps up on us .......

When I 'slipped' in the beginning, after several AF days I would look at what I drank in the whole of last month compared to the whole of this month, I know that popeye does the same .... You are winning! Well done for your AF days ......

Lots of love & hugs :h :l :h

[Popeye]

Help Got totally smashed and dont know what to do

Hello Bean,
19 days is an excellent start.
I used to go to work after a bottle of vodka the night before and it truely was hell. I have a physically demanding job and I spent a lot of my waking hours just struggling to stay conscious. Honestly. After many false starts I decided to make a change. I had to. Five months down the line, my drinking pattern has changed beyond recognition. I haven't drunk on a weekday for months and I feel that I'm getting on top of my weekends too.
I'm definately not complacent. I know how easy it is to think I can have a drink and stop, but I don't stop until it's done.
Good luck to you. I wish you well.
Paul.

[tatz]

Help Got totally smashed and dont know what to do

Hi Bean, I so feel for you, I did something similar on Sunday and am still feeling rough. Dont beat yourself up, you did 19 straight days which is just off 3 weeks - brilliant. Why not go and have a nice hot bath and snuggle down in bed with a good book. Tomorrow is another day.
Tatz

[sammys]

Help Got totally smashed and dont know what to do

It has happened to alot of us, for me I think of this as a new way of living. It took me years to get where I was when drinking what I did, so I figure my slowing down is gonna take sometime to. You will be ok, just don't give up. I know your mad at yourself, but betty boop is right you have been doing good, focus on that now.

Sammys

[philomena]

Help Got totally smashed and dont know what to do

Bean,
I have done exactly the same things. First, I have drank even though I did not want to. It's kind of like being in automatic gear. Second, I have fallen off the wagon after a few weeks AF and felt like utter crap, mentally and physically. So I am sorry and commiserate with you. The thing that used to really demoralize me was the belief that I would have to go back to the beginning and start all over again. As if my previous stretches of AF meant nothing. I don't, however, believe that anymore. Now I believe that every period of AF counts and though I have fallen I am still on my way to this other better life.
So, your 19 days AF do count and by the grace of this bountiful universe, you are still here and still capable.

[Determinator]

Help Got totally smashed and dont know what to do

it's weird Bean, like we don't want the booze per se but do want to feel differently sometimes and that's "the way" we know all too well. and one things for sure: after having the first drink or two the common sense we had only minutes ago is utterly gone! buck up...round two. ding ding.

[Guest]

Help Got totally smashed and dont know what to do

Bean,
Sometimes it freakin sucks but we just have to pick our ass up and start over again. AND as hard as it is...be GLAD we have today TO START over some people don't. You can do it. You want to and that is a start. I know, I have started a million times and may start a million more before I beat this, but come hell or high water, I WILL beat this and you will too!!!!

[tea]

Help Got totally smashed and dont know what to do

Bean - I am with you, WE are with you.... why do we do it? Well, we know that don't we... doesn't make it any easier, BUT this place DOES (sorry to shout, are you still fragile?)... What i do, ahem cough cough, is read through loads of old posts, they really DO help me, I laugh/cry/sympathise... do whatever it is I am needing at the time.. honestly the more I am here the stronger I get, this really is an amazing place - NO/YES it is an amazing place BUT the folks here are what makes it amazing, really, you will find (please stay), the honesty and the pure human approach to this is overwhelming, there is NO pressure, plenty of support, just a chat if that is what you want, and just whenever YOU want it. What was important to me was the 'no pressure' to 'speak' when I wasn't feeling in the mood to/ or even strong enough to, no kind of 'initiation' only welcomes, no pressure at all to do anything ... just the support was so overwhelming, the honest - well quite frankly at the beginning was unblievable... been around a few 'other' methods of overcoming/managing this. Anyway I am ranting.. Welcome, keep posting and look forward to reading how you are getting on.

Lxx

[pixie]

Help Got totally smashed and dont know what to do

Hi Bean

For me there have been times when I really wanted to drink, had the first drink or two, didn't really enjoy how it made me feel, but continued anyways - doh! It does sound so insane to do that, but the urges are very real.

I don't look at it as starting over, it's a long process and you learn something about yourself even during setbacks. What's important is to get back right back to where you want to be.
And stay positive - you can do this.

pixie

[morrison]

Help Got totally smashed and dont know what to do

Bean, been there and done that

Bean, first, congrats on the 19 days. Why did you drink when you question if you wanted to? I truly believe after some time, we think that the booze buzz must be so great, or why did you use to do it so much, right? Then, you say, I went 19, so I'll get buzzed easier, enjoy it MORE cause I've been good, and get back on the wagon. No harm, right. However, the reality is, you just get back to where you were, and over do it, and get sick. Then, you feel stupid for messing up your abstinence, and also stupid for thinking you would have gotten more out of it. When, you got NOTHING out of it. What makes me an expert? I don't know, maybe doing the exact same thing over 100 times in my life. :H It's okay. Just another painful reminder. Hop back on the wagon with us, and you'll be fine. You did 19, you can do that again, and more.

And Luvuall!! You're really fired up lately. It's great!!! You are like the ultimate motivational speaker on here. I love your post. They have so much power and passion. If I think of drinking, I'll think of you yelling like a drill sargent. "Don't do it maggot!!" :H

[Guest]

Help Got totally smashed and dont know what to do

Bean - 19 days is amazinginly great! You should be proud of that! Now you alteast know through this experience that you don't enjoy it like you used to. Hopefully that will help you if it comes around again. We are all here, fighting the same thing. It's hard, it's an everyday struggle.

[Pisces]

Help Got totally smashed and dont know what to do

Hi,

I understand exaclty how you feel and I have been there many times, sometimes theres an emotional trigger, but sometimes it's like what the hell, and even today I had that feeling, but I've taken some supplements and plan to chill out and read a trashy mag. I know I will feel good for it tomorrow, and here in Australia today, it's especially hard as it's ANZAC day, and it's a tradition to go to the pub or club, play 2 up and get smashed, this is the first year in memory that I haven't done this, my head, my body and my wallet will thank me tomorrow!

19 days is fantastic, I'm on day 4 again, and your an inspiration, don't give up because you fell down, just get up and keep going, that's my plan.

Lot's of Love, Jasmin :goodjob:

[Guest]

Help Got totally smashed and dont know what to do

Bean, I call that a hard landing! Now inspect you wings and tail fethers and let's get up and fly again. 19 days are quite a feat. I have been to a point where I didn't think I could make it 19 minutes between drinks. Today is new, yesterday you can do nothing about is over. I know people who have lost a the future grabbing back at yesterday. Don't be one of those you can do this.
Smiles
Mary