Anyone in the First Week of Their Unpteenth Quit?

[Chief]

I'm sorry Ginger. Are you okay now?

[Ginger999]

Yep! Fine and dandy. It was just weird and I wasn't expecting it. I'm much wiser now!

[SoberSoul]

Hi Everyone and a big thanks to Ginger for not giving up on me. I had strayed from MWO gradually and, although I managed over 140 non-drinking days, I am back to square one. Each day is a struggle to stay away from the sauce. They say that after a relapse it's twice as hard to stay sober... I had never been sober long enough to check out this theory, but for those of you on a long stretch of sobriety, take it from me, getting back on the wagon after a drink is a huge challenge.

Ginger had befriended me outside this forum and if it wasn't for her I would be lost in cyber-space floating about aimlessly, never really fitting in any where. Now I will take the time to read through all that I missed and hopefully become part of this great community again.

[Chief]

So glad you're back, SS. I'm sorry you relapsed. It is always so frustrating when we cave in to the Beast. We feel terrible, guilty, mad, disappointed, and vulnerable. I think it really helps if you can kind of reconstruct what happened. Usually we start to get off track way before we take that first drink. Were you having drinking thoughts? Were you kind of doubting your ability to stay sober? Were you having small thoughts that drinking again wouldn't be "that bad"? Were you thinking that this whole thing is just too much work and why can't I just go back to the "good old days" when this whole AF thing wasn't so time consuming? Were you starting to think "I really don't need MWO to do this"?

One of the things I've learned is that sometimes I have to think about my thinking. Am I being true to myself or am I letting my drinking voice try and influence me? Sometimes I have to literally stop myself in my thoughts and ask myself "what am I doing here? where are these thoughts coming from? Is this really the person I want to be?"

I don't know if this helps or not or even makes sense, but this is what I've learned about myself. Anyway, SS....I'm glad you're back. Don't make getting back where you want to be harder than it is. Just do it.

Ginger, I'm glad you're good. Stay proactive and learn from others. We are all capable of relapsing. It's never a done deal. It's always a decision.

I wish Ori and Lizann would check in.


Don

[Ginger999]

SS, so glad you came back! I missed you here so much. We need you as much as you need us. That's for sure! You will get back to where you want to be. I'm sure of it. Don, as always....thanks for your words. When I was struggling recently, I thought of you and your wisdom here. It really helped me but I have to say it was nip and tuck for a while there. Glad I got past it this time but I will be keeping my guard up for sure! Complacency is my worst enemy.

I've seen Lizann on the other threads so she's around. Ori I haven't seen this past week. Hopefully they are both staying strong and staying close to some thread, if not this one.

Hope you all have a great day! Ging

[SoberSoul]

Thanks, guys.. I get complacent as Ginger says. I remember about two weeks before I actually relapsed I started having a sip here and there (just to prove to myself I didn't like it :-(...) and then started wondering why I couldn't have a draft beer since wine was my poison of choice. Then I had that one night when, without a second thought, I just drank wine. I felt and have felt each time I have drank the wine since awful the next morning. Just a couple of glasses and I feel terrible the next day. My body is on the sober side, thank Gawd. But, it does creep up on you. Staying away from here was a bad decision too. When abstinence is easy I don't want anything to do with sobriety sites. I think, in hindsight, that's when I need them the most. Back on track now...

[Ginger999]

SS, I know.... it's a sneaky little voice that just starts out slowly. I was so thankful that I had so many of you to hold me up during that feeling. I guess the trick for me is to ask for help at the first onset of that voice! By gawd!!! We will do this.

[Lola01]

I'll climb on board. I could have easily written the exact same words SoberSoul. My story is identical..I moderate and then get sloppy. My sloppy night was this last sat night and I'm so embarrassed and horrified. The shame is almost unbearable and I am just trying to get some time between me and my last drunken stupor so I can recover a little dignity. I'm on day 4 and feeling strong right now but would love to reach out and get and give any support I can. I am finding cranky and anxious without the drink but I know this will pass. Out of desperation, I downloaded and have been listening to Andrew Johnson's Quit Drinking app. It was 2.99 so I thought, what the hell, it can't hurt! I am actually quite amazed at how much comfort and motivation it has given me. The messages are powerful and I find myself weeping during some of the dialogue. The app also has this feature where you can receive daily reminders of encouragement. I set mine to 4:00 PM so I get a notification at that time to remind myself of my commitment to stop drinking. This is the worst time for me...I'm a drink after work person...this has really helped me and I'm amazed bc I often think of this kind of stiff as a bunch of hooey. At any rate, anyone else tried this? Would love your thoughts and opinions on this tool. I'm sure it isn't for everyone but I'm just surprised it has been effective for me at all....I find that I feel quite vulnerable and I need a kind, hopeful, positive, and encouraging message and I need it often...
Hang in there everyone...

[Ginger999]

Welcome, Lola! Glad you found us. This thread is kind of quiet compared to others on this forum so if you want a lot of activity head over to the Newbies Nest and introduce yourself. They are posting all the time over yonder. Also make sure to check out the tool box. There are lots of suggestions on how to navigate this AF world.

My story was a lot like SoberSouls too. This has been a great place to hangout for me. I'm pushing 6 months AF. Stay close and read, post, read, post. If you want this, you can get it with the help and support you will get here.

[Lola01]

Welcome, Lola! Glad you found us. This thread is kind of quiet compared to others on this forum so if you want a lot of activity head over to the Newbies Nest and introduce yourself. They are posting all the time over yonder. Also make sure to check out the tool box. There are lots of suggestions on how to navigate this AF world.

My story was a lot like SoberSouls too. This has been a great place to hangout for me. I'm pushing 6 months AF. Stay close and read, post, read, post. If you want this, you can get it with the help and support you will get here.

Thank you Ginger..I really appreciate it! Congrats also on your 6 mo. Hope I can say that soon!
Gratefully,
L

[Ginger999]

Pretty quiet around here! What's everyone been up to? We are busy prunning back all the grapes and starting to close things up for the winter. Looking forward to heading south this winter.

Lola, you still with us? Sure hope so! Ori, How are you getting along? Lizann, I've been wondering about you too.

Chief, SS - How goes it?

[Lola01]

Yo Ginger. I'm hanging around! I'm on day 7 and decided have an appt with someone today to talk about anxiety and booze. I'm surprised how hard it has been to find good clinical help in my area but hopefully this psychologist will be a good fit. I must say, I don't actually want to put any AL to my lips which feels new to me but I am anxious and grumpy and not knowing what to do with myself. I need to figure out who I am and what I enjoy without the booze. Yikes! I've been drinking for 20 years...who the hell am I anyway? Groan....
Grateful for you all,
L

[Ginger999]

Lola, It's really weird isn't it, when we realize we aren't sure who we are without the booze? I'm more like 30+ years of drinking. Those first few weeks for me were really hard. There is no way I'd have made it this far without my support system here. At 145 days I almost slipped but came here first and posted. BAM!! Tons of support and advice came flooding in and now I'm almost 160 days. I felt like crap those first few weeks, which made me question my decision even more. I'm like a dog with a bone though...I wasn't going to let it get the best of me without a good fight. Congrats on day 7. That's an entire week without AL. Whoot whoot!! Way to go. Come back and visit often. Are you reading any other threads?

[Lola01]

Thank so much Ginger. Needing all the encouragement I can get. Visit to the psychologist went well. I'll keep up with that for sure..any words of wisdom about what you learned to do with your new self? I'm beginning to climb the walls..anxiety is rough and idle time my worst enemy. Still don't feel the urge to imbibe however and for that I'm grateful. Hope you had a great day!
T

[Ginger999]

Lola,
I exercise every day. I walk 2-4 miles a day with my dog (my avatar - the real "Ginger"). I try to ride the recumbent bike 5 miles at least 4 times a week, if we are home. I'm retired so I work a lot around the house. I do all the handy-woman stuff around home. We travel all the time too so we are on the road often in the travel trailer. I read, sew and I also like to do wood working stuff. I have an 82 year old Mom that needs a good deal of my attention as well as her two sisters. I also do some pet rescue volunteer work. As you can see, I keep REALLY busy and that helps a lot. I have to admit though... I did all this stuff before I stopped drinking. I can just do it more clear headed now!!

When you have time (if you haven't already) visit the tool box. It's full of great ideas to help stay sane during this journey. Please feel free to PM me anytime. I try and check the threads 3 or 4 times a day.

Stay close!