G man the comeback!

[RunningCourage]

Re: G man the comeback!

Mr G, thank you for sharing your thoughts here. I don't know if you realise how reading another's thoughts (yours), is so helpful in putting elements of another's (mine) life in perspective! Good stuff.

I should, perhaps, start my own reflective thread like I had with the "Stella (shook), I stole your booze" thread i kept in 2013...

Logic and reasoning is one thing, the reality of our (often reactive) thoughts and (often reactive) emotions and actions is another. Keep up the good fight mate, and pursue that thought that says there is little to stress about. Indeed, I wonder whether much stress is brought about by simply thinking things that are beyond our ken and control. Let go (something I tell myself to do daily, but find a whopper of a task..!) and let your innate wisdom guide you.

[lifechange]

Re: G man the comeback!

Helping me, too, Gman!

[Guitarista]

Re: G man the comeback!

Top of the wednesday morning to y'all.

thanks RC and LC! LC, how was work. Looks like you survived! :happy2:

Day 2 AF after 6 days of drinking and emotional misery. I was just too overwhelmed and cut to the core by the news she wanted to finish it. Ok, maybe not the smartest way to deal with it, and i note i fell back on my old crutch booze to cope. Anyway, here i am back in the race. Emotional instability can just slay me. I have coping strategies and knowledge to tackle these things AF, but it didn't happen. But i have stopped and want to move on and live healthy and sober. Progress not perfection.

I feel a little less stressed this morning. Less of the tight emotional knot in my gut. No doubt not drinking yesterday is helping that! Booze is a chemical depressant that does not help in these emotionally dicey situations. A couple of times i thought to myself - i wonder how i'd be with the concept of ending it all? But i didn't give that idea much time. There's no way i'd do that. It luckily doesn't interest me. A long, slow suicide by drinking is the way i would go if i ever really lose hope. I can tell you that this is not an option i want to pursue today or in the foreseeable future, thankfully.

G's 1 minute yoga done - 5 min meditation done. Today it'll be some easy gym work/bag work and an easy run rugged up for our winter along the beach. it's 6;45 a.m. here. Tomorrow (thursday) morning it's into hospital for a simple surgery procedure. They want to keep me in overnight as it involves general anaesthetic. See how i feel when i wake up. Don't reckon i'll be keen to hang around a hospital. Mobility will be limited for a while. Gig sunday which will brighten me up and a welcome distraction. May have to sit down for that performance as i'll still be in recovery from op. See how we go. It'll be a relief to get this surgery thing out of the way and finally deal with it. I hope i can get back to running or some form of exercise ASAP to help keep my head right.

Looking at the big picture, there is no major catastrophe happening here. It's all ok and i'll be ok. I must be grateful and full of love for my friend, myself, and this situation. There is still emotional pain this morning, which comes from thoughts that do not serve me well and are not necessary or needed for my survival! but if anything, i'd have to say it's moving towards getting easier, not harder. If only by a little bit. I'll take that!

[Guitarista]

Re: G man the comeback!

Mind set. - Another way i'm approaching the emotional pain is i'm going with the notion that i'm the best man for the job (best man for her). Now this has no effect on what she does, but my thinking is that if i honour myself, and live well in the knowledge i'm a great fella and she is simply missing out, then this might help me deal with it. I have no regrets with my actions when with her (no real chance to fk up as we only had about 8 dates and i wasn't drinking), so i know i turned up as my best self. She knows i'm a good fella and treated her well (her words), so if i grab onto the notion that i'm the best man for the job, i'm worthy of her love/anyone's love and rebuild my self worth and self esteem and strength, i think i'll be okay. This will have no bearing on what she is doing, but this mind set helps me. I've also just identified i have been having the horrible thought/feeling of being left behind in the dust and alone. Sheesh, that's not a good feeling so i need to tackle the thoughts that take me to that bad feeling.

[Glass Half Empty]

Re: G man the comeback!

G you are indeed a great fella and I hope you can accept that not wanting to be in a relationship with you at this time isn’t a reflection on you at all. It doesn’t make you anything other than the wonderful person we all know and love.
:heart::heart::heart::heart:

[Guitarista]

Re: G man the comeback!

Thanks Glassy. that's a very nice and helpful thing to hear.

More thoughts G fella? Err, you bet! Thinking i just need to not stress about finding a relationship with defined parameters. Maybe i should just focus on putting out albums of my original music, and just live fully through music. Maybe my overseas teaching english idea whilst a good one, ain't the best idea for now. Maybe instead, i can save that travel money, stay here in Oz, and put that money into overseas travel/tours with my band returning here to pump out albums and gigs.

Teaching english overseas sounds an exciting idea, but will it make me happiest? Can i juggle making albums while teaching overseas? And for how long? Will teaching take me away from my mission of making music along with a little community work around mental health on the side? Maybe. How about some twice yearly trips to less fortunate countries/communities to tour along with some community work whilst living in Oz? The airfares are affordable. No rush to decide, but some questions i'm considering.

Edit: Another thing while i'm on a roll.....You know what? I'm taking this approach from today. I am going to be the best man i can be starting now. I am going to use my frustration and anger/sadness over this situation with the gal, to power me forward and use this energy to live well and kick goals. I'm not angry at her at all, no-one is to blame. But i need to rise again like a warrior and go forth and conquer my dreams and useless inner negative chat. This might not be the best or healthiest approach, but it's something i feel i can work with for now. Yes i'm angry. When i next see her (probably at work), i will be so vibrant, healthy, happy, focused, relaxed, fit and looking great that she will be in awe of the G man! Awesome! they will cry from the stalls! Might sound a little childish, but this line of thinking is the only thing helping me get through at this point.

[Glass Half Empty]

Re: G man the comeback!

All good thoughts G.

Also, there are a lot of people newly here in Oz who would love your help with learning English. Helping people already here (sadly under often horrendous circumstances) will be really good practice and might give you some more thoughts about your next direction.

[Guitarista]

Re: G man the comeback!

All good thoughts G.

Also, there are a lot of people newly here in Oz who would love your help with learning English. Helping people already here (sadly under often horrendous circumstances) will be really good practice and might give you some more thoughts about your next direction.

Spot on Glassy. I'm aware of such programs and had momentarily forgotten of this option. Good call, thanks.

Right now, The thought of uprooting myself from a great job/working hours/accom situation, and tossing a coin travelling extensively o/S might not be the best option. I can do a hell of a lot of the same stuff basing myself in Oz. Less stressful in many many ways. mmm

[available]

Re: G man the comeback!

G, just want to say ive been thinking of you. Have you listened to the app of meditation by Headspace? they have daily exercises that are short and sweet which suits me. It was suggested by my stress psychologist to give it a go. Well of course i have listened to it twice ha ha. Sending you hugs and you will find that special someone, took me ten years plus.

[Glass Half Empty]

Re: G man the comeback!

There are times when our souls seek adventure, and times when we need to feel grounded. Roots and wings, baby!

If now is the time for you to keep your roots planted and gently explore your own environment for a while, that’s exciting in itself!

[Guitarista]

Re: G man the comeback!

G, just want to say ive been thinking of you. Have you listened to the app of meditation by Headspace? they have daily exercises that are short and sweet which suits me. It was suggested by my stress psychologist to give it a go. Well of course i have listened to it twice ha ha. Sending you hugs and you will find that special someone, took me ten years plus.

Yep, heard of it Ava. Will check it out again. Thanks, and hope you're good.

There are times when our souls seek adventure, and times when we need to feel grounded. Roots and wings, baby!

If now is the time for you to keep your roots planted and gently explore your own environment for a while, that’s exciting in itself!

Roots and wings Glassy! Rootin' tootin' and flyin'.

So i just get a text from her with a pic and comment of where she was today on her trip. Must admit, me little ol heart skipped a beat when her name came up. Errm, now,......well, i suppose this means the lines of communication are still open and some sort of contact/friendship may remain. (insert crazy spinning head here!) Of course, this doesn't change anything or probably even mean much. i replied, but didn't field questions or try to keep the convo going. That's up to her. I am still taking the self care road and not worrying about what she might or might not be thinking. I can't work it out, nor will i even try!! (but it was real nice to hear from her).

[starty]

Re: G man the comeback!

Mr G I am so very sorry to hear your news and that you are upset about it even more so. She is missing out greatly. Having spoken to you on numerous occasions I KNOW the fantastic amazing great looking and incredibly talented bloke you are so never ever doubt any of those things about yourself. I still remember and have the recording of Startingover Blues and other tracks that you wrote for some old die hards around these parts. And am still emotional when I hear them again. Sometimes we question and worry about why things dont work and often the answer we tell ourselves somehow lays blame at our own door which it never is when all the facts are known. I am delighted you have pulled yourself out of the depths before it got entrenched as that would have been plain daft. If you ever need some dopey old English bird to sing your praises in person let me know

[Guitarista]

Re: G man the comeback!

Ah thanks Starty! nice to see you! Hope things are good there. :heartbeat:

[Guitarista]

Re: G man the comeback!

Good friday morning from the beach pad.

All good here. I might be back on day 4 AF, but so be it. I don't care, i am rocketing to the top of the heap like some crazy warrior who doesn't take no for an answer. I allowed myself to be derailed by some emotional distress around a mini GF break up, or more realistically, a simple cessation of seeing each other after a short romance (8/9 dates), which was handled well and amicably by both parties. i.e. still friends. A bit sad, but what are you gonna do eh? move on is what i'm doing. It's not like we were deeply entrenched in each others lives for a year or more! But i have still acknowledged and allowed some frustration, anger (at universe not her), sadness. I felt lost after the event, and i have seen how important it is to find HOPE somewhere in my life to be able to carry on. my logical side knew i was capable of great things and possess good skills etc, but my overwhelming thoughts and feelings in that first week of break-up were of hopelessness, sadness, feeling lost, fear, anger.

Today, a week and a half later, i am much much better emotionally and in my head. I searched for hope and some projects i can do and found it thankfully. The sadness, fear and anger i felt was so consuming and debilitating, i had to find a way to leave it behind and get the hell out of that negative, physically damaging emotional head space. i focused on the truth. the reality and logical side of the situation. I stopped blaming the universe and tried to understand she has her reasons and i must respect that. I can't control what she thinks or wants. What i can do is be my best self, and be the best man i can every day and follow MY truth and path. In doing this i trust that all will be ok.

I had some non serious surgery yesterday and recovering well. no complications, just addressed an old sports injury at long last. Docs, Nurses and fella pushing the cleaning trolley were all first rate and outstanding in their care and friendliness.

I know i've been waffling a bit lately. I'm taking the good advice of some wiser heads here and writing out my thoughts somewhere rather than leaving them in my head. What better place than this joint.

Take it easy out there and get some self loving in today K? K. Let's git it!

[RunningCourage]

Re: G man the comeback!

Waffle on, Mr G. 'Tis good waffle indeed.

Funny (maybe not funny haha) how emotions so easily mask the reality of a situation. Even something as inconsequential as going back to work after the summer hols, and meeting a new lassie, with a lovely accent, who mustn't be too many years younger... and wondering (in a sort of illogical, though not unreasonable way) whether... well whether she was single and... who knows, eh?!

2 days later one (me) finds out she has a partner.

Ah.

Right.

Same old, same old, says me head... Then, said head says, "for f's sake, arsie, why would she ever be interested in you that way - yer too old now, too long a bachelor, too insecure, too uncomfortable in yer own skin, too unmanly, too...too... etc etc" ...

We get the picture.

Then that other wee thought, "what's the point of this feeling good sober, when it takes such a minuscule, inconsequential notion to make me feel a bit like, pffffffffft (insert own frustrated sound)"....

So.... What about a beer or 4/6/8/? Thankfully, I didn't succumb, as easy as it is to do so. It was a skool night.

Yet, even in rationalising our thoughts, I'm always wary that it is ourselves who are trying to perceive aspects of our lives objectively, which is arguably impossible as we can only look at, study, reflect, analyse our lives subjectively for we are the subject being analysed... There's no answer to that I think, other than to try and be as wise as we can be.

And write. I had forgotten how the act of writing encourages more creative and critical thought and a degree of rationality.

Sorry, my turn to waffle and it's your thread! Take care and have a braw weekend, Mr G.