can we not do this on our own?

[briseus]

I have a question for you guys...
If you could watch the quick 4 minute video below:

http://www.spiritualriver.com/alcoholism/blown-sobriety-efforts/

What are your thoughts on this? Is it true that if you relapse after being sober for any length of time that you need professional help, no questions asked?
My last pdoc appointment he kept saying to me that it's "impossible" to do it on my own.
Is it really that impossible?

It didn't seem impossible to me last year when I had 8 months sober. But I did slip.
When I sit here and look back I see the signs now. All the little things I was and wasn't doing that contributed to my slip. How I became complacent. Said I would do things or take certain advice but never did. If I change all that this time...am I still "doomed"?

I don't want to be obviously. And I am also one of those types of people that need to do things alone. Of course outside help helps. But I am not one for AA...and unfortunately can't afford rehab.

Can we really get sober on our own? For example, really putting in forth our own efforts and sticking close to forums like MWO and get sober for good? Or are we "doomed" until we get "professional help"?
I am not too sure...I had professional help in the past - addictions counsellors...AA meetings...workshops and therapy...and if I wasn't IN it...then it didn't matter anyways.
I think the biggest piece of the puzzle is ourselves.

What are your thoughts on this?

[jane27]

Bris, you had 8 months! That's great! That to me is solid evidence that you can, and I can totally understand how you might be wondering if it's possible; I don't know that I've ever done anything in moderation consciously. If it's good, I want more. This is why I need to work hard to stay quit. I have zero illusions of ever being able to drink like a normal person. If I ever drink again, I know exactly how much I will drink. I also know that wanting to quit isn't a state of mind I can pull of the shelf any time I want. No siree. If you want to quit, you will- and your post will be one of the things that drives your commitment. You will remember how depressing, scary, frustrating, redundant being hooked was, and how powerless you were. I wear that like a tattoo to maintain my quit. Thanks so much for your post. X

[briseus]

Thank you for your post Molly.
I know some people that are doing great with AA, following the steps and like you said throwing everything at your quit. And then I know some people that were and are able to just do it on their own. Credit books, meditation, spirituality/religion and their own goals to their sobriety.
I guess I just saw that video and when he said that you can't do it without help I thought to myself, that I did pretty good last year...but then again, maybe it's true. Maybe I do need a little extra push from outside to help me in my resolve to abstain from drinking.
Although at the same time he did mention that you can just ask for help from people you are closest to and can trust.
I am very glad that you posted from your perspective! Someone that has thrown any possible things at their addiction to remain sober.
And thanks for posting those parts of the article too - they are so true.

Thank you for your post Jane. It's very true though...staying hooked on that stuff IS depressing, scary and frustrating...the feeling of powerlessness is definitely at the forefront. I also felt weak. Confused about myself. Wasn't sure who I even was anymore. I often thought to myself, "who in the hell is this person staring back at me in the mirror"?? I was never in tune with myself. I never nurtured myself or loved myself because I loved and nurtured the bottle.
A stupid glass bottle filled with poison that perpetuated the vicious cycle of addiction, anxiety and depression...not to mention self-hate.
Dear God...I don't want to go back there.
Even with five days sober thus far, I am feeling a lot better than I did the last month.

I guess I am curious how many here were able to quit and maintain their quit with just themselves and their own resources (and this site of course)...and who did it with professional help.
I guess either way it doesn't matter too much. As long as we throw what we can at this addiction and stay quit.

[NoSugar]

Hi, Bri

On this site 2+ years AF seems like a lot but in the greater scheme of things, it's still early days so I don't want to sound arrogant. However, once you're away from alcohol and are in a position to make clear, rational, evidence-based decisions, to risk drinking again just sounds like a terrible choice that I don't intend to make.

I and many others who post here have had success to date with only online support. I love Pav's avatar - you've had the power all along. Our role is to help you use it.

If you're in a position to get support from other sources and you want it - go for it! But don't feel like you can't succeed if you don't. You can as soon as you make the choice to do anything you have to not to drink.

[briseus]

Thanks NS! I am going to have to totally agree with you.
I know the reason as to why I drank - and that's what always kept be going back...so with seeing my pdoc, and the wonderful people on here, and like you said...after a while KNOWING that going back there would be insanity, I think that we can all succeed this way.
Love Pav's avatar. I think I am going to jot that down and put it on my mirror.

I guess after just watching that video and reading that article, I thought to myself...really? Then again, if it were true, there wouldn't be all these forums and online help like there is out there these days.
I will keep posting, staying close, reading, educating myself and growing.

[briseus]

I definitely agree with you Mollyka. I think it's 110% important to educate ourselves about our addictions, the science behind it...not only the psychological but the physiological as well...basically any little tips, tricks, hints, tidbits, info...anything about why we do what we do. And why we can no longer do it.

I have a few books on the go right now...lots on recovery but also quite a few on the whys and hows.
And like you said, there is no reason why we shouldn't arm ourselves with information.
Knowledge is power, right?

[abcowboy]

Bri, a good book is "Change Your Mind With CBT" I'm sure I got it from Amazon.

[briseus]

Thanks so much Cowboy! I will definitely check it out. I love Amazon - all their books are quite cheap and shipping is super fast.

[abcowboy]

Bri, sorry, I got the book name wrong, it's change your thinking with cbt

[Sunbeam]

Bri, I am one who quit drinking through just reading and using MWO. I didn't take any meds, no counseling . It took a few years of on/ off / drinking moderately, with some success, then tiring of it all and quitting for good. I think we are all individuals, and need to find our own path.

[briseus]

Thanks Sun, I definitely agree with you - all of us *do* have our own path...so we can't really say that one is the "right" way and the other is "wrong".
I guess I was just thrown off by that article/video...and at the time when I was reading it, I became a little disheartened. But I know I shouldn't think that way...and continue doing what I am doing and stay on track.
Thanks!

[Eloise]

Just my two cents, but I have quit on my own too.
It took me 7 years to get here though. Not sure I recommend it as an ideal approach?
I did try the counseling route several times though, for some bizarre reason it almost made things worse at the time?
I can only agree that it is your journey, there is no easy route.
Oh, and there was no rock bottom for me, just impending doom if I continued on the wino path. Now I look back and am eternally grateful I was able to come to my sober senses. Life is much easier now.

[Sunbeam]

Eloise, I think the length of time to complete the quitting process is as variable as the methods. I think there are no shortcuts. Persistence is important, but most of us seem to work at it awhile, then step back for awhile. Some die before they quit, that is so sad. I also had no rock bottom. One day I think I looked at the bottles in the recycle bin, and said to myself it was time to quit, I was done.

[briseus]

Thanks Eloise and Sun.

I too didn't hit rock bottom...well, not in the sense of what a "typical" rock bottom might look to people on the outside (or inside, whichever).
Mine was ruining my entire vacation because I was a) too drunk b) too sick c) too consumed with thinking about my next drunk d) passed out asleep because I was drunk...and as I sat there and drank (again) all by myself, crying, feeling lost, alone, confused, frustrated, irritated, angry, depressed, anxious, etc etc etc...I quite literally had no one to blame but myself for throwing myself on this crazy roller coaster ride every single day...that has eventually given me health problems as well as worsened mental issues as well.

I guess enough is enough.

It's so true though...there is no easy route at all. But I guess it's worth it at the end, no? To finally get and stay sober no matter how hard it gets.

[Eloise]

Quitting has definitely been a fantastic idea for me.
I feel so much better, but I have had to work at it. On the feeling better part I mean. Quitting is the first step, then I had to restructure my time and thinking.
In the old days all roads led back to a glass of wine. That kind of thinking takes a while to rewire. Just be aware of it, drinking is not the most obvious solution to just about any situation.
We do have to come to it in our own time. I have a friend who is feeling terrible these days and insists that her diet is fine, and she doesn't drink too much.
I have a pretty good idea that she drinks about the same as I did. Not all the time, no, most of the time though. And mostly alone which rather adds to the winter blues.
She has to come to it on her own and for now all I can be is there for her when she feels like crap.

Better days ahead Briseus, and yes it IS worth it.