Started great, now struggling

[Toll Taken]

Hi All

Been a long time lurker on the forum and found all the info on here greatly helpful, thanks to everyone for sharing your experiences.

So anyway, I started great – felt like almost too well, but hit a bump and was just checking other peoples experiences?

Just a brief background, I started on bac on June and it went amazingly well. Could feel the benefits from my first 20mg, my anxiety reduced and consumption went down. Increased slowly, minor increase every three days and got up to 120mg a day and felt completely fine. Walking around thinking to myself “this must be how normal people feel!”.

Anyway, did a full month completely AL free, felt great, slept better – lost weight and saved a pile of cash. Was absolutely amazed by the experience. My main goal was to be an occasional social drinker, so let it back in slowly and kept it to a few drinks, one evening a week with friends or family. Worked like a charm and stayed that way for another three months.

Then – got overconfident. Had two events in a week and decided I was ok, then the two days turned into a week and a half. Stupid I know, but then the previous tend years had been stupid so I suppose I had form for it!

Anyway, now I’m on my third day AF free again and feel awful. Heart is thumping, sweating, feels like im full of adrenalin all the time, sleep is awful (which makes things ten times worse).

Naively thought I’d simply go back to feeling great again after a couple of days!

Just wondering what experiences others have had with relapses and getting back on track?

Thanks

TT

[available]

Hi Toll and welcome. I have no advice on Bac and really none on relapsing as when i stopped drinking and started again it was a long time between as i ran away so i could drink. They say each time we stop and start the withdrawals are worse and worse. Maybe that is why when so many relapse and then stop again it is so hard and they keep drinking. Be easy on yourself. I took Valium for the first week i stopped as my anxiety was through the roof and i could not sleep but i told myself to appreciate the full 2 hours sleep i did have which were probably better than the 8 hours in a drunken stupor. I napped as soon as i got home from work as i knew i would not sleep later on. Remember that it gets better slowly but surely.

Be determined and realise that you did this and you will get through it again. Think of it as an added incentive not to take another drink. Us alkies cant have just one. I'd love just one but one would never be enough and never did i just have one drink at the end. One day, one hour, one minute at a time.

Take care and let us know how you go.

[Guitarista]

Welcome Toll.

It's hard to argue that when we remove booze totally from our lives, most folks............feel great. There's no 2 ways about it. And it gets better if we embrace it and live with gratitude and a bit of purpose. There are no limits when our high is natural.

Simple trial and error will tell us if we can moderate/drink socially. As long as we are honest with ourselves and don't kill ourselves in the process by not coming back. Many say each relapse is harder to come back from. This has been my experience. Our drinking gets worse, rarely better. All the best. G

[Mr Vervill]

Hi Toll, I have no experience with Bac, but it sounds like normal withdrawal symptoms to me. If symptoms get any worse, get to the Dr. ASAP. They should pass in a day or so. But, I'm no Doc.

[Byrdlady]

Hope you are feeling better today. This is a process. Two great links in my signature line. Hugs, Byrdie

[Toll Taken]

Thanks for the replies guys, good to hear some supportive words.

One good nights sleep and I'll be ready again, but that's eluding me at the moment :-(

[Choices]

Hi toll,

My first quit was really hard but I stuck with it for nearly 4 years. I felt great. I had a slip that ended up starting me drinking again for 18 months. During that time I would check in here and try to stop a few more times but must not have ultimately wanted too. My drinking got worse as time went on and probably doubled from before my first quit. I'm finding this quit quite hard. I have more regrets then I would have if I'd done it earlier. My withdraw was pretty rough with sweating, exhaustion... And I just felt tormented. I did not realize adrenaline was involved but that makes a ton of since now understanding some of my symptoms. When I started drinking again I too wanted to be a normal social drinking person... I knew how hard it was to completely stop so really kept testing the water. Honestly I feel like Im drowning now and trying to keep my head up. I don't ever want to feel this way again. The only way for me is to not drink. The buzz and social aspect just isn't as high as the low I feel now. Good luck to you in feeling better.

[lizker]

Hi Toll Taken. I am the relapse queen around here...lol. I'm on my 10th or 15th quit but this is only the 2nd time I have made it past month 4....iam 4 months and a few days in. Will do everything under the sun with God's help to make it my last quit.Each relapse in my experience has come back with vengeance. I broke my nose on my last one. Humiliations were ten times as bad and I know one or 2 people I hope never ever see me again. My withdrawals are extreme! Major DTs, I have to be on benzos to sleep. If you have a handle on it now, hang on to it with everything you got it only gets worse. Scary stuff.For sleep try valerian root, its nature's perfect gift.

[Sunbeam]

The relapse stories are each unique, but share the same ending. That phrase "I'm only one drink away from ...? " Is helpful if interpreted with that inevitable ending in mind. After a period of abstinence many can take a drink or two without immediate horrible consequences. The time period varies a great deal: a day, a week, even a year. Eventually the person is drinking too much on a regular basis. Once a person accepts this truth, they can find their long term solution.

[briseus]

You can do it Toll. You did it before. So you can do it again.
Again, no experience with Bac for me either. I have tried others but it didn't really help me.
With regards to relapse and how I got back on track...well, it was definitely hard and slow going. In the beginning I always quit for others. I always knew that eventually I would go back to drinking. Whether it be a week or a month from that point. At one point I got 8 months sober. But I didn't really work on myself. Each relapse, like everyone has said - gets harder and harder. Getting back on track gets more and more difficult. My very last time in August was hard. I always sit and wonder if quitting is something I really want. Because people always say that you need to want it. I have come to realize that I want sobriety with every fiber of my being. It's that part of the brain that doesn't. That tries to trick me into going back down that hellish black hole.

I think it's incredibly important to know that you deserve sobriety no matter what. NO. MATTER. WHAT.
And to work on yourself. Spend time with yourself. Be gentle to yourself and remember how amazing sobriety really is, even dealing with the shitty feelings. Everyone has to.
I also think it's incredibly important to express gratitude. To be mindful of it. I know that it sounds kinda corny but believe it or not it really helps you. Keeps you grounded. Keeps your priorities in check.

So those are my two that have helped keep me sober.
Self love and gratitude. Also, not to be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes we just need a little push.

Hope you're hanging in there.