The Three Principles Discussion Thread

[starty]

I am finding these 3 p lessons really helpful


2# 3 REASONS WHY YOUR BAD FEELINGS PUT YOU AHEAD OF THE GAME
This is the 2nd of 8 messages, in the 3 Principles Introductory Training
Reading time: 6 min
Realizing that the only thing that can be toxic about a “toxic person” is your own toxic thoughts can feel a bit weird to begin with. The feelings that can come over you – when you are in the other persons presence – seems really convincing: Cause and Effect. Person and Feeling.
Only…
Your thoughts come before the feeling.
This week we’ll look at the feelings. Especially the BAD feelings because those feelings really tend to make us forget – that the thought comes before the feeling.
After this lesson you’ll have insight enough to make your own choice to either:
believe that what your feeling comes from outside of you -
or choose to take a new route of “suspiscious understanding” that will let you defuse the negative feelings in the moment – via understanding.
YUCKY BAD FEELINGS
Bad feelings are one of the best helps you have when going about your life. They are particularly helpful when you – for real – take notice in the change of feelings, and understand the information.
Your bad feelings put you ahead of the game – because they give you information that helps you DEFUSE the bad feelings.
BAD feelings can HELP YOU – instead of have you chipping for air.
Too often it feels like we have no control over stressful, bad, scary or saddening feelings flooding over us. It happens in a milli second. It’s hard to see how our thoughts can be so fast – but, they are.
For some of you this is quite new thought – so let us break it down in something that feels more tangible.
What about a workplace you really don’t enjoy:
– If you really don’t like your boss, how s/he’s making decisions or the type of decisions s/he makes; if you don’t get along with your colleagues at don’t even like the small talk going on during coffee break, feeling a bit miserable comes as no surprise.
It’s easy to get ourself into the thought loop of: “I don’t like being here, I just wanna punch that Lily-person on the nose, how on earth could the boss decide to give Anders the new position in Operations! Nobody appreciates the hard work I’m doing and Thomas keeps backstabbing me infront of the Organisational Development Team which means I never get the chance to take lead on any of the new projects, it sucks, what am I doing here, I should have left years ago…
As our thinking progress we feel more and more discouraged and the bad feelings keeps adding on top of eachother. The more “bad feelings” we produce via our own thinking – the worse we tend to believe in the ‘horrible-ness’ of our CIRCUMSTANCES. But to back up: we are just making the innocent mistake again in attributing our bad feelings to the wrong source.
Time for YOU to turn your bad feelings to your BENEFIT.
UNDERSTANDING THE INFORMATION
To “get” the feeling – whatever the feeling is – is a good thing.
It contains valuable information – but maybe not what you are used to believe that the feelings are informing you about.
Your feelings COME FROM your thoughts, and…
Your feelings give you information about your THOUGHTS – about the QUALITY of your thoughts.
Your bad feelings put you ahead of the game – because they remind you to check in on the quality of your thinking.
The MORE uncomfortable, stressing, straining, angry the feeling is – the LESS you should trust your own thinking in that moment and how you perceive the circumstances in the moment.
Bad feeling ==> Low Quality Thought
= non helpful; non trustworthy; influenced by a lot of other negative thought floating around in your system, clouding your judgement.
Good feeling ==> High Quality Thought
= clearer thinking; much more trustworthy; coming from a lot of previous clearer thinking – with sound judgement.
When you start feeling really frustrated, angry, pressured, stressed out – just back off and remember what the feelings are informing you about and hoop the hording thoughts in that moment to the backburner for a while. You can always revisit them later if you at a later point think they ‘ll be a good help for you.
Better feeling, clearer state of mind, clearer thoughts = better decisions.
Make it a habit to question your QUALITY of thinking when you red lamp goes off into a feeling.
Become suspicious of your own thinking. Don’t analyse which thoughts you have – be aware of what feelings they GIVE you.
Remember also: Do not deem your thinking as good or bad! It does not matter if you just had bad feelings coming from something easily described as a “bad” thought.
There are no “bad” thoughts – thought at its core is inherently neutral – the next step in the equation is that we get into the mix and put labels on the thoughts.
But they are “nothing”, they are nor this nor that. They are neutral – until we believe otherwise by building them up with even more thought. It’s all just thought.
When the uncomfortable feeling is creeping up on you, just be curious:
Are my thinking in this moment really the best thoughts for me to make my decisions from?
Know you will be sure to be in, and act from a clearer mind when in the thoughts that carries good feelings.
Know you will be sure to be in, and act from a LESS clear mind when in thoughts that carries bad feelings.
Your bad feelings put you ahead of the game – because they help you see when it’s time to back off – if you wish to work and act from a clearer state of mind.
AHEAD OF THE GAME
When you get more suspiscious about your feeling you will automatically start to check in more often with them – to doubt their quality more often before you act on your thoughts. As you keep on remembering where your feelings come from in that moment; understanding that they are information about your THOUGHTS in the moment – you will be way ahead in the game compared to anyone not having this insight.
What if everyone new this? If all of us knew that we have a foolproof feedback system telling us when our thinking is not serving us well; when we should NOT make any decisions, when we should back off. Wouldn’t that be helpful when you are on the verge of acting out, burst out or stress out as a reaction to (the believed reason the feeling?
If you DO back off from the thinking by decoding it as “just low quality thought” – you will defuse them by not engaging in them.
A thought cannot stay in your consciousness if you do not attach other thoughts to it! If you don’t feed it, it will just move on, go up into smoke – and a new thought will take its place. Then you have a new decision – to ‘attach’ yourself to it or not.
As you choose to not feed the ongoing low quality thought – the negative, uncomfortable feeling will correspondingly let go. You will be left with a clearer head, clearer thought, better contact with your own gut feeling for what is the right thing in the moment – and a better feeling.
This will put you ahead of the game – anytime.
Are you getting the feel of it?
The 3 Reasons why your bad feelings put you ahead of the game:
Your bad feelings put you ahead of the game – because they give you information that helps you DEFUSE the bad feelings
Your bad feelings put you ahead of the game – because they remind you to check in on the quality of your thinking
Your bad feelings put you ahead of the game – because they help you see when it’s time to back off – if you wish to work and act from a clearer state of mind.
In the link below you have this weeks questions to keep your learning going. You can read them, put them on the backburner – and see what thoughts and insights might come to you during this week.
Click here for this weeks questions:
Week #2: Questions Bad Feelings
Let’s Stay Solid,
’til next week.
Elisabeth

[kuya]

Starty I really enjoyed that PRACTICAL use.

I have immersed myself in the theory side but it means I lack practical advice to give people.

Way to go and thank you!

[daisy45]

Great article Starty!

[satz123]

Great article Starty!

Yes agreed - great article. Some of it starting to register.
Starting to look at feelings - then examining thoughts that caused them.

One question : do we deliberately think a nicer thought or just let the 'bad' one float away & make room ?
I have a vision of myself just going 'round looking 'vacant' as I dismiss all thoughts one after another

[daisy45]

Haha Satz.....just imagining you walking about looking lost.
After my experience with my sister the other night I found I just didn't have any bad feelings about her.....even though her actions and speak usually rile me. Yesterday I was baking tarts and mince pies. She loves mince pies and I found myself thinking it would be nice to give her a wee box of them for Christmas......even though I knew she was still holding really bad thoughts and feelings of anger towards me. I did not construct the thought on purpose but because I was at peace anyway, it came naturally to think a nice thing.
Now, that is just what happened and again I was surprised, as were my daughters, who are still caught up in the emotion of it all. They can't understand why I would even contemplate doing something nice for her.

[NoSugar]

I'll be looking for that series of lessons, Starty - thanks!

I think I wrote this previously but I've started considering emotional feelings to be pretty much like physical ones - they are nature's signals to guide us. If something causes us great physical pain, we instinctively back away. We don't keep doing it, thinking that we're supposed to feel this pain or that we'll get used to it. If something feels good to our body, we try to get more of it. So why do so many of us seem to move towards emotional pain?

It is so easy to get caught in a loop of worry, negativity, insecurity, dread, or fear. The feelings that arise from those thoughts should immediately make us flinch and back away from them! They are the signals (from nature, God, our innate wisdom, Mind, evolution...) to pause, and like Starty's article said, realize that our current thinking is unreliable and shouldn't be taken too seriously.

Satz, I'm not convinced that at that moment of pain trying to actively "change our thinking" would be helpful, at least not for me. But what I've found is that backing away from the painful thinking is enough. I can then calm down and realize it is just my thinking and take it from there. It has been amazing to see how many problems and worries I actually invented! And how amazingly easy it is to let them go - there's no problem to solve! And for those that actually need my attention, it's so much better to be moving forward calmly without a bunch of emotional baggage weighing me down.

[NoSugar]

Haha Satz.....just imagining you walking about looking lost.
After my experience with my sister the other night I found I just didn't have any bad feelings about her.....even though her actions and speak usually rile me. Yesterday I was baking tarts and mince pies. She loves mince pies and I found myself thinking it would be nice to give her a wee box of them for Christmas......even though I knew she was still holding really bad thoughts and feelings of anger towards me. I did not construct the thought on purpose but because I was at peace anyway, it came naturally to think a nice thing.
Now, that is just what happened and again I was surprised, as were my daughters, who are still caught up in the emotion of it all. They can't understand why I would even contemplate doing something nice for her.

Daisy, the apparent "melting away" of resentment and hurt was one of my first experiences after Kuya introduced us to all of this and that convinced me there was something here worth pursuing. Understanding that people are doing what seems reasonable to them and is the best they can do given what they are thinking (just like I am), makes compassion and forgiveness seemingly natural responses. They aren't out to deliberately anger or hurt us, even when it looks that way. For years, I've tried to actively forgive others when I felt hurt but it was hard because I thought they were acting in my reality - in which case what they did or said was really hurtful. But in their reality, what they do or say may look entirely different. (Or maybe they are deliberately being jerks but either way, it's not my problem and I'm finding it much easier to just let it all go.)

[hoping4better]

My "aha" moment was more physical than emotional. I'll try to describe it as simply as I can. When I first got to rehab, my heart was like a closed fist. Actually, my whole body was like that. Tight, protective, unyielding. My husband had filed for divorce and was awarded temporary custody of our 9-yr-old son. My life had just turned upside down and I was an emotional mess. One day during meditation, I felt my heart open -- sort of like a flower, for lack of a better analogy. I soon realized that I could actually "will" this physical and emotional transformation just by thinking about it. Having an open heart and being vulnerable is essential to embracing the 3 P's. I saw some people in the group constantly taking notes and writing things down, and while that may help you "get" the 3 P's intellectually, I needed an emotional connection to truly understand the principles. Once that happened, the rest built upon itself. Of course, practicing this in rehab was a lot easier than living it back in reality. But my counselor assured me that unless you're Sydney Banks himself, everyone struggles with living a 100% 3 P life. They are simply guidelines to reframe your thinking. For example, a craving for alcohol is really just a thought. Most thoughts pass. Acknowledge the craving but realize it's a thought and you don't have to act on it. Sounds simple but it works.

[NoSugar]

Thanks for telling us about that, Hoping! Having found out about this well after kicking addiction, I've been wondering how it is used in treatment centers. Interestingly, today's talk in Michael Neill's 30 days of transformative coaching concerned habits and addictions (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1UC...UZxbDqt43XbDPj) but I think you explained it better than he did :smile:.

This general idea is put forth on MWO and in essentially all addiction forums or meetings I've heard about:

For example, a craving for alcohol is really just a thought. Most thoughts pass. Acknowledge the craving but realize it's a thought and you don't have to act on it. Sounds simple but it works.

and for the most part, it really helps people but they do more than just acknowledge the thought. They eat or get busy doing something else, practice CBT or NLP, or simply force themselves to think of something else and the craving does indeed pass. Those are the types of things I did, anyway. But I think it would be so much easier for someone who understands the 3Ps! You don't really have to do anything. I think the cravings would have scared me much less if I'd understood they were just thoughts.

Did they start exposing you to the 3Ps after you were past the physical part of the addiction? Or were the 3Ps helpful even in those very early days? I guess I can't imagine "recognizing thought" being enough in those first few days - but I can really see how understanding how thought works could make a huge difference after that tough business is past.

I hope you're feeling good and enjoying being home. xx, NS

[NoSugar]

Starty, I could not find these on the website:

I am finding these 3 p lessons really helpful

Do you have a link? Thanks so much!

[hoping4better]

NoSugar, I was in detox for 2 days but after that there were classes. We also had an hour each day to read any of the books (mostly 3P, some not) in their library. Sometimes we would watch videos and discuss. It took me a couple weeks to get it. It's a bit contrary to the way most of us usually think -- our minds are like beehives and we consider each bee to be an important thought. I found yoga and meditation helpful as well. It's a relief to know that most thoughts just pass without me having to do anything about them.

[little beagle]

:happy2:

[lifechange]

Hi Everyone..
I've really been enjoying reading on this thread and find it very helpful.. Starty, I appreciated your last post, because it gave me great visuals and explained "how" we can begin to put this method into action. I have understood it on a theoretical level, but didn't really understand how it can work. This was helpful....

"When the uncomfortable feeling is creeping up on you, just be curious:
Are my thinking in this moment really the best thoughts for me to make my decisions from?
Know you will be sure to be in, and act from a clearer mind when in the thoughts that carries good feelings.
Know you will be sure to be in, and act from a LESS clear mind when in thoughts that carries bad feelings.
Your bad feelings put you ahead of the game – because they help you see when it’s time to back off – if you wish to work and act from a clearer state of mind."

A question I have.. A problem for me (I guess for a lot of us) is knowing what our boundaries are.. so it seems easy to accept/rationalize the behaviour of others. Does it at some point become clear as to whether or not we're "putting up" with too much? I feel like I don't know/can't tell/don't care sometimes if I'm being taken advantage of .. I have a fairly high tolerance for BS and forgive easily.. and am involved in a couple of relationships where I'm not sure if my interests are being looked after at all.?

Anyway, I do have a deep feeling that I'm on the right path.. and I love the idea of stepping back before acting on negative thoughts.. I've been acting on them a lot lately and it definitely doesn't feel good!

[starty]

So glad you guys found the article helpful. Here is the link so you can sigh up to the lessons yourself 3 Principles for State of Mind - How to Stay Solid when the going gets tough.

[starty]

Here is another lesson for those who do not wish to sign up

#1 WHY TOXIC PEOPLE HAVE THE POWER TO RUIN YOUR DAY
- AND WHY ONLY YOU CAN STOP IT
This is the 1st of 8 messages, in the 3 Principles Introductory Training
Reading time: 7 min
You know who they are: the toxic people, the energy drainers. They can suck the energy right out of a room, out of you; drive you crazy, jolt your balance…
How do they do it? How do toxic people get the ability to affect us so much? This is a real issue for many people – it has been for me and still is – when I forget the basis on how my thought process work.
In this lesson I will give you insight to this. The understanding of your thought process will help you Stay Solid when you meet “Toxic People” in the future – given that what I say resonate with you and you are able to detect how this is going on also in your life.
Let’s look at ”the toxic people” and how their presence would be explained from the understanding of the 3 principles. I’ll give you an example of a “previous toxic person” in my life.
This is a couple of years ago. A close friend of mine had some really tough times. She came out of it feeling badgered, bitter and disillusioned. She ended up perfected an almost supernatural way of remembering and harbouring all bad things or “evil” persons that had ever crossed her path – or contradicted her worldview, for that sake. Over and over again the people close to her listened to the same stories, bitterness and accusations.
As she kept living on in the same patterns I began feeling trapped in her negativity and yes; I truly believed that she was a toxic person. I wanted to get out of our friendship.
IT WASN’T REALLY WORKING
Close to this time period I had an insight. Probably happened to pick something up from dear Dr. Phil.
I realized: Me trying to get my friend to view the world from a more positive space wasn’t working out very well… She didn’t bother to listen, and I just got frustrated.
I saw that the only reason I ended up feeling drained by her was because of my frustration about her not listening to my good advice. I kept holding on to her, wishing for her to stay over the surface on the positive side of life – determined to help her get happier again. That’s what a real friend would do, right?
I realized that I had thought that if I “let her go” she would be lost and would drown in a negative world. I thought it was my job as a real friend to keep her afloat. The insight at that time made me realize that I don’t have the power to change her or anybody else – and that she was not dependent on me to “survive” or go on with her life, in which ever direction she wanted to.
After understanding how my thoughts work – the insight has gone deeper. I realized she was never “toxic” – no matter how negative she might have ever been.
The thing was: as she was in this negative and bitter place I wanted to help her get out of it (though, she hadn’t really asked me to). But while trying to do that I discovered that her thinking didn’t work as I wanted it to; she didn’t do things the way I thought she should; she didn’t behave as I expected her to behave.
I sincerely wanted to help her, but I couldn’t, she didn’t take my advice. I understand now that my ego was hurt. My advice “wasn’t good enough” for her. I wasn’t a “good enough friend” for her to follow my advice. Or at least – this was the thinking that had gone on inside of me – mostly unconscious, is my guess.
And it was that thinking which got me frustrated. That thinking was the reason I felt drained and negative after every phone call.
I had misunderstood my feelings. I believed I felt drained and out of energy because of her negative way of being. I thought that she was toxic to me.
I was wrong.
To be honest: That insight didn’t sit so well with me at first. But I realized it was true.
She wasn’t the one being toxic. I was.
ONLY YOUR OWN THOUGHTS ARE TOXIC, TO YOU
Ok, so at that time I had realised that it wasn’t in my power to make her change or to get her to think more “positive”. It wasn’t up to me. Her change (if any) was in her hands. I started calling her again – picking up our friendship. Don’t know if she ever missed the my good advice, I would guess, not.
Ten, twenty times more I listened to her stories. I bit my tongue (very hard sometimes), held my advice and my brilliant solutions at bay. I just listened.
The interesting thing was:
She didn’t change – but she stopped being toxic to me! Why?
If she didn’t alter how she was going about things – then how could my experience of the same ’toxic’ behavior change?
I claim the following is true, always:
People don’t have a magic power over somebody else’s feelings or wellbeing.

People are not ”toxic” – unless they’ve been dipped in some serious radioactive stuff.

Only your own thoughts about the person or the situation can become toxic – to you.
The only way someone or something outside of you could seemingly have the power over your wellbeing – is if you believe in a thought claiming that they do have some sort of magic wand that they can wave at you in any moment to control your emotions and reactions – OR – as it was for me: if you have some other thoughts and believes going on – that are the true source of your frustrated feelings – but you have misunderstood where your feelings are coming from, ending up believing that “the toxic person” is causing you to feel bad.
For this week’s lesson – through the logic of this understanding:
– you cannot be depleted of energy or have your day ruined simply as an effect of somebody else’s way of being or acting
– the only time another person is seemingly toxic to you – is if you think they are.
But to be absolutely clear:
Only your own thoughts are toxic, to you.

The following is a fact:
WE THINK
Right. We do, duh.
The Principle of Thought, as Sydney Banks unravelled it, gives us the following insight:
Thought creates feelings. Only thoughts create feelings. This is the truth in every given moment.
It is not the ”preceding event” that creates the feelings – it is the preceding THOUGHT that creates the feelings.
Just to be sure there is no misunderstanding to what I’m saying:
Your thoughts in the moment do not only influence your experience. Your thoughts in the moment determine your experience.
If and when this understanding lands with you – Staying Solid, regardless of how annoying people around you might be – will be so much easier.
Because you come to see that it is not them.
It’s you.
Yes, that is uncomfortable to realize for some of us.
But it is also freeing.
Your peace of mind and how your circumstances influence you are in your own power.
I’ll let you sit with that for a while.
__________________________________________________ _____________
With this we have started to see what the understanding of The Principle of Thought points us to.
I’m not telling you to trust my word that what I’m telling you is true. I invite you to try this understanding out for this week – and see for yourself.
When you feel an emotional reaction about something this week – ask yourself:
Is it possible that my feelings in this moment are coming only from my own thoughts?
a) If not: Who or what is creating these feelings within me?
b) How does this happen?
In the link below you have this weeks questions to keep your learning going. You can read them, put them on the back-burner – and see what thoughts and insights might come to you during this week.
Also, I invite you to read more below on how you can STEP UP YOUR GAME even further.
Click here for this weeks questions:
Week #1: Questions Toxic People
In the second part of your 3 Principles Introductory Training we will take a closer look at:
”3 Reasons Why Your Bad Feelings Put You Ahead of the Game”
Here are the link for this weeks question again:
Week #1: Questions Toxic People

AN INVITATION TO STEP UP YOUR GAME:

Note! Via 3 Principles for State of Mind® there will be further opportunity to learn about The 3 Principles and how to Stay Solid. In order to give you the best possible guidance together with the other students, this is how I have set it up:
To move on to some of the next level trainings the entry conditions to those trainings are:
You have gone through the introductory course
You have sent in your thoughts and reflections to the STEP UP YOUR GAME-questions to every part of the introductory course, via the survey setup.
You will get a reminder email every week before the next lesson – about the possibility to answer the questions and send in your answer.
GET THE WHOLE SERIES

If you got here from a link shared by a friend, why not check out the whole series? It’s free, and it’s for any person wanting to feel more grounded and solid in a hectic life.
Don’t miss out on the entire series! Sign up for it all (it’s free), just CLICK! 3 Principles for State of Mind - How to Stay Solid when the going gets tough..