~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

[BigAl]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Good morning Cafe Friends. [MENTION=24196]Rava[/MENTION], i feel your pain and can only hope to move on with as much grace as possible. I caved Sunday evening and lost my fight. There are two ways to look at it. Since I went to rehab in mid October I have slipped twice. A two and a half month run with two slips is 1000 times better than I was. Looking at it from that perspective it is positive. Looking at it from the day after it is nearly untenable. I feel like I have let myself down, my kids down, my wife down, and am stuck in the grasp on this thing. I just want to be "normal", and I have no room for the exceptional amount of self-loathing that I am able to heap on myself. It was a very mild slip on Sunday, but it feels like all the good, the beginnings of forgiveness, the slight reliance on my own ability to conduct my life has been deleted, eradicated. What is left is just dark, and I need to shake it off. I need to figure out something to do a little bit different to keep this from happening again. It was so quick. I was indulging before my brain even knew what was happening.

I guess I can only look for the next 24 and let some time pass again.

[Quit wining]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Another 24 hours please & thank you.

About 15 years ago I bought Mrs QW a sewing machine and it’s been used maybe twice. Maybe it’s part of having Parkinson’s, but she’s resistant to anything new or technically different from what she’s used to. And now she lacks muscle control in her hands to do fine work.
Looking back, that may have been an early indication something was wrong as it, and a couple of other things, happened 8 or 9 years before her Parkinson’s diagnosis. And she used to sew beautifully.

It’s less frigid here today but still too cold to walk. I heard last evening that there was a 60 hour wait to get the automobile association to boost a battery! I love our heated underground parking!

Big Al, just read your post. Your comment about being normal - as alcoholics, we can’t be “normal” when it comes to alcohol. We can however make lifestyle changes, like you have. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you’ve made great progress!

Have a great af Tuesday everyone!

QW

[Ginger999]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

BigAl, is there always alcohol in your house? If so, can you get rid of it? I believe you're still ahead of the game, if you look at two days in two months. Shake it off and move on. Beating yourself up will only make things worse.

Rava, stay well and get back to the warm weather!

We are actually having winter weather. Temps in the low 60s, cloudy and sprinkles. Looking forward to hiking again when things dry out! I'll gladly take another 24.

[techie]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Good morning Cafe friends and sending hugs and support to those in need. The holiday season puts a lot of pressure on us all. Always think one day at a time. Otherwise we tend to go into overwhelmed. Waiting on baby. Probably C Section on 1/1/22. Off to airport to get other daughter. So, with loving gratitude I accept another 24. I wish you all the strength to persevere and self love to take it one day at a time. Love and hugs to all. Blessings x

[dill]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

BigAl, sending loving support your way. :heartbeat: You have made tremendous progress and you no doubt will continue to do so.

Techie, such a time of sweet anticipation for all of you! Can't wait for 1/1/22!

[BigAl]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Good evening Cafe Friends. [MENTION=22409]Quit wining[/MENTION], I know that I can never be normal with regard to alcohol. I guess what I mean by normal is just enjoying my lot in life and seeing the beauty in things, and not suffering through relapses. [MENTION=20929]Ginger999[/MENTION], no alcohol in the house and my wife rarely drinks. But, if I were to throw a rock as hard as I can to the west, off of my back deck, it would land close to a store that sells booze. It's just too easy to get my hands on, and every other commercial (especially during the holidays) is for some kind of alcohol product. I'm trying to shake it off. There were times when drinking would not have even registered on my radar, but with all of the effort put into a real, long-term sobriety lifestyle, it just feels monumentous when I slip. [MENTION=11089]techie[/MENTION] and [MENTION=7944]dill[/MENTION], I appreciate the support. More than you know. I spent the day with a solid amount of introspection and meditation. I just need to grab ahold of what i want and NOT LET GO.

Today was an alcohol free day. I humbly ask every particle of the universe for another 24.

[Jude58]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

With gratitude, I'm looking forward to another 24 hours.

[abcowboy]

5:14am in Alberta, I'll have another 24 please, and thanks...

In the last 24 hours, these people have signed in for 24 hours of wellness:
[MENTION=24080]Jude58[/MENTION] [MENTION=7944]dill[/MENTION] [MENTION=24196]Rava[/MENTION] [MENTION=24510]BigAl[/MENTION] [MENTION=22409]Quit wining[/MENTION] [MENTION=20929]Ginger999[/MENTION] [MENTION=11089]techie[/MENTION] abcowboy

Today is going to be a darn good day not to drink!

[dill]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

My sewing machine has been sitting in it's cabinet unused for several years now. Any mending I have done has been by hand. But some repairs really need the machine! QW and Cowboy, I learned to machine sew when I was a teen. I made and wore several things with pride. I even made a MOB dress for one of my aunts! It was a very simple pattern, but she was delighted with it. I sewed many articles of clothing and many other things for my kids when they were little. But somewhere along the way it became so expensive to buy fabric that it no longer made sense to sew. Clothes were simply cheaper to buy than to make. That may be part of Mrs. QW's reasoning too. Over time I became anxious of making mistakes and wasting the money spent on the fabric. So, the machine went unused. But I am glad I needed it for those recent mending projects and I am glad I got it serviced. Perhaps it will be the resurgence of an old hobby/pass-time. I don't need to sew, like I used to. But I like to sew!

Rava, somehow it doesn't surprise me one bit that you used to sew. I feel like you and I share a lot of interests in common. And of course we all share the "big thing" in common! I'm so grateful for this thread and all the support here while we fight our common nemesis!

Let's go for another 24 together!

[abcowboy]

As I read the posts about slips, and remember how many slips I had and felt the same way the next day, it got me to thinking... Maybe a little bit of self-loathing and shame are good for us. And notice I said a little bit, not days and days of it where it turns into a major depression. I think the self-loathing and shame can teach us something; just how important quitting drinking really is to us! If quitting drinking wasn't important, wouldn't we wake up the next day with no thoughts on the slip at all?

I know when I was actively drinking the "morning after" was just a part of my life. It wasn't until I knew I had to quit that a slip became such a disappointment in myself. Each slip should teach us something, but also be a reminder of just how important it is to us to quit for good. So don't let the self-loathing and shame get you down, let it be something that makes you more determined...

[abcowboy]

Our eldest daughter is a New Year's baby [MENTION=11089]techie[/MENTION], but that was some 44 years ago now lol. But there still is something special about being born on New Years!

[Rava]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Good morning Cafe. Big Al, you are still so much better than when you were in the thick of things. Think of all the progress you have made. You know the life you want and are getting there. We all slip but we know how important it is not to drink so we keep coming back. I come back sometimes with my tail between my legs but I keep coming back. I don’t like waking up to the sweats and shits and guilt and remorse. Not to mention the harm we are doing to our bodies as we age. Waking up sober is the best. I have to keep reminding myself of that. Sneaking drinks is exhausting and so deceitful. UGH. Anyway, Dill, about 2 years ago I started making masks for covid for family and friends and churches. Made hundreds with my sewing machine. It kept me busy and sober. I got material from thrift shops and online of all kinds of cute colors and themes. Anyway, today we travel back. Should arrive home about bedtime pending no delays. Not gonna lie, will be glad to get away from kids. I have had enough! LOL. Hope everyone has a great day. Another 24 for me please and thanks.

[Quit wining]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Another 24 hours please & thank you.

Ginger, I figure there’s a 71 degree difference between your winter temp and mine. I’ll take yours any day!

Safe travels home Rava. You’ll be glad to get back into your routine!

We’re cooking a turkey today. While we can’t have company yet thanks to Covid, the meal will be shared with our family. I think turkey is actually better the next day and the only time we have white bread is for making turkey sandwiches. Some good!!

Have a great af Wednesday everyone.

QW

[Ginger999]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

We lost a neighbor to covid. Will this never end? Ugh

I'll gratefully take another day of freedom.

[techie]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Good morning Cafe friends and those struggling. Sorry to hear this, Ginger. We have lost far to many to this awful disease. On a much brighter note, we have received 207 inches of snow which breaks the all time record in December for California. Even more astonishing is this was in three weeks. So, with snow on my mind and warmth in my heart, I accept another 24. I wish you all the best day possible. Blessings x