sobriety and dating

[lizker]

For the single people here, do you find sobriety an obstacle to dating? I noticed that when I go out with my drinking friends, they tend to have more fun and guys are more drawn to them even though we are all pretty much in the same league looks wise. Guys tend to lose interest when they find out iam not drinking and go for my drinking buddies. The drunker they get the more attention they get. I don't envy them much but I would think that sober women are more attractive but I guess society is more in favor of imbibers.

[Guitarista]

Hi Liz,

It might have a bit to do with that angle you're on. lol. Sorry. :welldone:

When i was drinking, as a single guy i was usually after a one night stand, and the truth is, the strike rate is usually higher with women that are drinking. Not always. But combine this with a guy who is drinking possibly because of a bit of social anxiety, and that guy (me and many others) will feel more comfortable chatting up a receptive drinker opposed to a receptive non drinker. This says more about the male drinker than you. However, my main goal was and is, a long term r.....re.....rela.....relationship. So there were also times i would have enjoyable (to me) conversations with non drinking women in a bar and continue as long as they were happy to chat.

I found sober women immediately attractive mainly because i viewed them as a relationship possibility moreso than a one, 2,3 night stand, and a relationship was what i wanted more than anything. I suspect most of the guys you speak of are after the wild thing.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Bars aren't always the best place to meet a likeminded person for those reasons. But if you or someone wants to get physical, then putting that out there will get attention in most bars, not saying i think that's your intention.

I reckon being ourselves is our greatest asset, and that will attract a decent person.

[Choices]

Hi Liz,
Would you ever consider on line dating? I'm not single, and drank when was, and I've never done online dating... But a lot of my friends have and met their husbands that way. Not saying your looking for a husband.. But from what my friends have said.. They just found it a lot easier to find like minded guys.. Even if it was for hooking up and drinking etc.. But also for a lot of other stuff. Hiking, biking,.. Anything really.

If I were to ever be single again I think that's what I would do.. And just meet a guy who doesn't drink either. It's fun to be sober together. My husband and I were sober for 3 years together. It was really fun. I will admit we met in a bar years ago though. But back then, I wouldn't of had a clue how to meet a guy any other way. And it was before cell phones.. Lol. We met in our early 20's.. But broke up and lost touch for nearly 12 years. Just as I was filling out my profile to do online dating.. He pretty much found me on Facebook and the rest was history..

I think if your out and about with the girls at a bar, I would think a guy who is drinking would probably click better with a girl who is drinking in a similar way to him. I could be totally wrong! But I remember when I drank I met a few guys at bars who didn't drink and I kind of wondered why they were there. I also wanted to get really drunk and could only relate to really drunk people, women or men. I didn't settle down until 38 because of this.. Not that 38 is too old or anything..

But I did have a few long term relationships with guys who had serious drinking problems like me or worse. The 'fun' ones.. Until someone gets hurt. On either side. Maybe look for the guy who isn't drinking much, but out with his friends too. He's probably not going to be as noticeable as the other ones.

[kuya]

I would take the online dating route.

More and more people are choosing sobriety....why not get the 'pick of the bunch' by advertising your sobriety.

I would never trust meeting in bars nowadays, whether they are slightly tipsy or more so....I really don't need another challenge to overcome. Life's too short.

[JeffRob887]

For the single people here, do you find sobriety an obstacle to dating? I noticed that when I go out with my drinking friends, they tend to have more fun and guys are more drawn to them even though we are all pretty much in the same league looks wise. Guys tend to lose interest when they find out iam not drinking and go for my drinking buddies. The drunker they get the more attention they get. I don't envy them much but I would think that sober women are more attractive but I guess society is more in favor of imbibers.

Yes, you're right! But if you don't want to relapse, why date a person who drinks? It can trigger you to drink as well. Honestly, there are a lot of guys out there who are also sober as you. Nevermind those guys who lose interest to you. They don't know how lucky they'll get if they dated someone like you. Keep it up, lizker.

[YouKayBee]

I just don't go out drinking. Sure I go for meals out, and do occasionally go into pubs, I also occasionally go to dj nights - to dress up and dance, but roaming around pubs no longer attracts me.

In sobriety I meet lots of people via other interests, sports clubs, courses I've been on, voluntary work there has been opportunity there. I already new my husband, he was a friend and he has seen how bad I was with drinking. As I cut down, our social life changed, it's not longer based around alcohol, and our wedding was also designed to not be dependent upon drinking, no one got pissed and everyone - drinkers and none drinkers all got on and enjoyed it.

I do a lot of things on my own, without my husband, and I know there is life beyond pubs.