Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[autumn]

Hi Abc,
So good to see you back, and a huge congratulations on sticking with your sobriety! Here’s too many more years. I too have laid low, but been popping back. I always wondered how you were doing and hoped you were well.

I just want to say I agree with you. I WAS as serial slipper, I tried and tried to stay quit, but I repeatedly lapsed and picked up a drink. It was a horrendous downward spiral that I had to break. I use the word WAS because I have completely changed my thinking and attitude to drinking. Surely by saying to yourself ‘I AM a serial slipper’, the door is being left open for one more drink?

I finally got it when I realised there are only 2 options, pick up a drink and forever perpetuate this hideous cycle of destruction, or not. I literally visualised it as two choices, 2 paths of my life.

I now see drinking as a crossroads, and I have two pathways. One pathway......is the Alcohol I LEFT behind as I remain sober & avoid Al at all costs. Or if I choose the other path & have that glass of wine, I will be immediately RIGHT back in the drunken chaos that was my hateful life. So I have a choice & I choose not to drink today. Simple.

So of course, words of comfort and encouragement, sharing tools and learnt wisdom. But it really is quite simple, pick up a drink, and you will never break the cycle. Why would you want to go back to day one over and over again.
Yes, it is bloody hard work, and tests us daily, but it is simple, I haven’t turned right and picked up a drink in 2 years and 1 month. And yes life is very stressful, but wonderfully sober. So I guess I'm trying to say, You can't keep doing the same actions and expect a different outcome.

Good to hear from you Abc.

[abcowboy]

It’s obvious I had too much time on my hands today lol. Not long ago that would have meant fill the time with a 15 pack of Budweiser! But this morning after reading some of the replies, I spent the time looking back over this past year, and what it has done for me. Change, I don’t think anyone in their first few years of sobriety doesn’t think about having a drink. I call them my “I wish” moments. But lasting sobriety comes from the fact that you want to be sober more than you want to drink. That doesn’t mean you won’t have those “I wish” days. Even after a year of sobriety I still have “I wish” days. In my experience, nothing even provokes these feelings. They just happen because every day cannot be simple. If every day was simple, then sobriety wouldn’t be so darn hard. But I’ve found that for every “I wish” day, there are 99 “I’m grateful” days. I’ve been lucky in that most everyone in my life has been supportive. But still, there is always the occasional person who just doesn’t comprehend that I can’t have “just one.” Maybe they didn’t know me when I drank, or maybe they just don’t care. Either way, learning to say “no” in a sometimes-aggressive manner has been necessary. I’ve learned that people need to know where I stand, and it’s not up to them to pass judgment. I was pretty convinced that life as I knew it was ending when I got sober. I didn’t think that I would ever be as happy as I was when I was drinking, or that life would ever seem as bright. But guess what? I still do everything I did before, minus the drinking. I even have fun while sober.

When I first started my journey, my Uncle told me, “You won’t believe how much better your life can be when you’re sober.” I doubted it. I loved getting drunk because the buzz allowed me to forget about everything else pressing or nagging in my life. I don’t have that problem today. It is refreshing to have nothing to hide from in my life. I’m proud of where I am and who I am, because I put a heck of a lot of work into becoming that person. My sobriety will never be something I’ll regret! I regret so many things I did while drinking. So many. But I do not regret one day of sobriety, and that’s a pretty darn good feeling. Is sobriety a sacrifice? An interesting question with undoubtedly some interesting answers. Someone on the Cue asked me the other day what one word would I use to describe sobriety? Without hesitation, I answered “freedom”. But with most freedoms, a bit of sacrifice comes with them. We should have finished seeding the other day, but the beer clouds rolled in… “Beer clouds” you ask? Okay, let me explain to the non-farmers. When rain clouds move in, farmers refer to them as “beer clouds” or “whiskey clouds”. When you’re busy in the fields, the days are long and tiring and it doesn’t leave much time in the day to drink, so when rain moves in you can relax a bit and enjoy a few beverages. So when it started raining, the rest of the crew were grateful for the “beer clouds” and they all headed down to the neighbour Tommy’s shop to relax and tip a few back. I have been there a number of times in the past 16 months without any urges or pressure to drink. Just fine with having a Coke or coffee and enjoying the conversations with the area farmers. But Friday, a small voice in my head said I should skip this time. I’m pretty comfortable in my quit, but when the voice of reason talks to me, I listen! So I told the farm boss that I was just going to lock up the camper and head for home to spend the down time with Bubba and Hank. And there lies another answer to long term sobriety. I now have freedom from the claws of alcohol so I’m willing to make a few small sacrifices to maintain my quit. It all boils down to what’s really important to you…..

You made it to 3.5 months then had your “conscious slip”, in other words, you wanted to drink more than you wanted to be sober. Did it change anything long term? I doubt it. Maybe it did in that few hours, but every reason why you drank was still there waiting for you the next day. Try something different, next time you need to drink, call a friend, go for a walk, say a prayer or two, come to MWO or where ever, volunteer somewhere. There are many other things available other than drinking, you just need to do them. And give it more time, I think I was about 7 months sober before I really appreciated the fact that I was sober! And don’t wait any longer, put your plan into action! If you got to 3.5, set a goal for six! If you don’t think you can make it, call me, or message me. You just need to get through that moment, and you can get through it. Drinking isn’t a need, it’s a want, so choose to want sobriety more. It's your choice and it’s a pretty simple one I think.

[abcowboy]

Hi Eloise! It’s good to be back! If I’ve learned anything in the past 16 months, it’s definitely not to take every comment to heart. I try to understand where it came from and why, then add them to my prayers. Like you, comments like those won’t keep me away, I don’t put anyone on ignore as everyone is entitled to their opinion. If they don’t like mine, then don’t read my thread. Negative posts don’t help anyone. It’s great to see you forging ahead in your sobriety and enjoying a sober life!

Autumn, thanks for your comments. Wouldn’t it be so simple if there was just one way every one needed to get sober. I agree with the comments that some people need cuddling, hugs, and reassurance every time they slip, but that doesn’t work for everyone. Maybe it was their way out, but it isn’t everyone’s. As you say, there are really only 2 choices, to drink or not to drink. Just like the statement from Shawshank Redemption, “get busy living, or get busy dying, the choice is yours”. Once you make that choice, you have to do everything in your power to stick with that choice. And it’s a choice everyone has, they just have to make it.

[abcowboy]

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[abcowboy]

Something I’ve been thinking about over the past few months is that feeling you get when you reach one year of sobriety. I don’t know about everyone else, but it felt like a huge milestone to me, if I could just get to that one year then my struggles would almost go away. And as I went through my journey month after month seeing my sober time increase, knowing that this would be the quit that sticks, I knew what being sober was all about. It wasn’t just about not drinking, it was about being a whole new person. A person that deals with other struggles, emotions, good and bad times, without the need for a crutch.

So where and why did my life change years ago where I started relying on that crutch. What happened that made me think I could bury my life in a bottle and leave it there? I don’t know, but it happened. And when you reach for alcohol once to bury or hide whatever it is you’re feeling, it’s almost certain that you’ll repeat that behaviour. And you’ll do it time and time again till one day you’ll look back, just like I did, and wonder how it all started. To this day I still have a hard time accepting that alcoholism is a disease because for so many years I used it as a remedy. I drank because of other issues, if I could accept and/or solve those issues, I would be able to stop needing alcohol to do it for me.

That then raises another thought. If I get the reasons or excuses I used for my drinking under control, could I not then control my drinking? I’ll never know the answer to that because I’m not willing to take the chance. I’ve went over a year without tasting so much as a drop of alcohol, and you know what, I don’t miss it! It isn’t something that we need like air and water, it isn’t a necessity. But we are lead to believe that through the power of advertising. And other people can’t seem to accept the fact that we choose not to drink. That’s on them, not on me…. Remember, it’s not how much or how often you drink, it’s who you become when you drink….

Yes, I’m glad I don’t drink. I don’t need alcohol to solve my problems, make me happy, make me sad, make me feel good about myself or others, or to feel like I fit in, I had that ability all along, it was inside me…..I just needed to find it again…

[ALpro]

Thanks for coming back ABC. When I read your initial post starting the thread my reaction was " I'm glad to be made aware of another site out there to rely on for help and support. I'll have to check it out."

Later, I read on that some had a problem with the post. Thinking I must have missed something I went back and re-read it a couple of more times and didn't feel threatened or offended by it.

I think most of us get to that stage in our drinking of " wanting to quit and needing to quit". Unfortunately I stayed in that state for many, many years. Wanting to quit and needing to quit didn't work for me. Only actually " DOING" it does!

[Fin]

Simply, Yes.

[befreenow]

Hi ABC -Your opening statement is a truism and I thank you for expressing your opinion.

Now, here is the reality; no alcoholic "wants" to get sober. An alcoholic wants to be released from the current pain that they are enduring without knowing there is a better, more real, solution. Most true-pure alcoholics reach a point in their lives when the pain of drinking far exceeds any of their other pains, thus, they assemble in their minds that the alcohol is causing all of their problems. Quite simply put, this is just not true. Alcohol is making all of their problems worse, but the alcohol is not the root source of their problems.

One last thought ABC and you have already alluded to it; "if getting sober were easy, we all would get drunk every day/night." Alcoholics and other addicts are looking for the quickest form of pain relief and our drugs of choice provide that instant pain relief -the only problem is that our pain medication is killing us off quickly. Hug and love your fellow addict but show them some direction (in a kind sort of way).

[Change]

Thanks for your thoughts in #17 abcowboy!

Interesting thing happened last night: i met a new work colleague who told me to not have any negative people in my life, surround myself with positive people, and we talked about change, and the victim mentality. This wasn't al specific, just life in general. It's really got me thinking!

I haven't had a drink since my little slip last week, to be honest, and i haven't felt like one either.

[abcowboy]

Thanks for stopping in ALpro, Fin, and befreenow and for voicing your positive opinions! But befreenow, I have to say that in my case anyway, I wanted to quit drinking. I wanted it so bad that I was willing to do almost anything to quit and stay quit! And I guess I can consider myself lucky that I didn't need detox, rehab, or drugs to get me sober. My want was all it took, that, and hard work and doing whatever I had to do to stay sober. But if that failed me, then I would have looked into the alternatives I mentioned above. I couldn't stay on that merry-go-round for even one more day. My drinking had to stop and I wanted that more than anything else in the world! And because of that want, I'm sober today and will continue to remain sober.

[abcowboy]

Hi Change, first, congrats on not drinking! Stick with what’s got you through this past week and start adding more to it! Your new work colleague had some great advice for you. It’s too bad we can’t always have nothing but positive people around us! But unfortunately we’ll have negative people that we have to put up with from time to time as well. It’s doesn’t matter what we think of their negativity, it’s how we choose to deal with it that counts. You won’t be able to do anything about it, so don’t get drawn into it. When I’m faced with negative people, I become more positive in my dealings with them. I stay positive and show them their negativity doesn’t affect me. And sooner or later they will quit interacting with you or they will want to be more like you.

Choices, it all boils down to choices. Every morning when we get out of bed we are faced with choices, some simple, some not so simple. I choose to pick the positive choices, and they can all be positive if we look at them that way. There is something good in every situation, we just have to open our eyes to see it.

[lex]

Great posts all of ya!!!

[SHADES_of_IDAHO]

Great post. Well said! Stay positive, strong,and calm. Really changes the flow of the whole exchange.

[SHADES_of_IDAHO]

Autumn you have done what has become a life changer for you and your whole family. I am so proud of you and happy your doing well.

Cowboy,
You are what so many have struggled a lifetime to find sobriety! Thanks for sharing your journey!


Sobriety is Like a Mother Giving Birth to Clarity, Purpose and Hope. An Event Like No Other.

Congratulations to you both!

[Baclofenman]

Hi ABC -Your opening statement is a truism and I thank you for expressing your opinion.

Now, here is the reality; no alcoholic "wants" to get sober. An alcoholic wants to be released from the current pain that they are enduring without knowing there is a better, more real, solution. Most true-pure alcoholics reach a point in their lives when the pain of drinking far exceeds any of their other pains, thus, they assemble in their minds that the alcohol is causing all of their problems. Quite simply put, this is just not true. Alcohol is making all of their problems worse, but the alcohol is not the root source of their problems.

One last thought ABC and you have already alluded to it; "if getting sober were easy, we all would get drunk every day/night." Alcoholics and other addicts are looking for the quickest form of pain relief and our drugs of choice provide that instant pain relief -the only problem is that our pain medication is killing us off quickly. Hug and love your fellow addict but show them some direction (in a kind sort of way).

Hi kronkcarr -I am not interested in posting here anymore.

The reason he does not want to post here anymore is because he is a banned member - Do not let him into your confidence

https://www.mywayout.org/community/members/20845.html

Regards


Bacman